


Love Is All You Need

by tbiris



Series: Love and Life [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Asexuality Spectrum Phichit Chulanont, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, No Breakups, Past Non-Con Mention (both parties were drunk), Pole Dancing, Polyamory, bigbangonice2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 02:49:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13672701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbiris/pseuds/tbiris
Summary: Yuuri prefers to avoid people, but it's a little impossible (and frankly, unthinkable) to avoid his new roommateVictor Nikiforov has gone through loss and is suffering both mentally and physically due to his species. His friends try to take care of him, even if it means some drastic measures.A story of time and magic that follows Yuuri from university to his professional life... and how he ended up with competitive pole dancing career and two amazing boyfriends.





	1. Just Stay on Your Side

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work I did for Big Bang On Ice, and I had the pleasure of working with [omtivi](http://omtivi.tumblr.com/) whose works are embedded in chapter 9 and 20 and full post is [here](http://omtivi.tumblr.com/post/170856365110/my-pieces-for-bigbangonice-art-for-tbiriss-fic#note)  
> The wonderful [Izzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isbjorn/works) betaed this work for me. That said, if you find any _small_ mistakes please feel free to let me know.  
>  The species used in this fic will be familiar names – but unfamiliar traits for everyone. I kinda took them and twisted it a little bit.  
> I hope you enjoy it!  
> Chapter notes:  
> I made drinking age 21 here just because I know most people read it like that and _ugh ages_.

 Yuuri breathed in deeply. He could do this, he could. Having a roommate shouldn’t be a big deal. Technically, he was supposed to have one already, but his roommate was barely present over the last year. It shouldn’t have come as any type of surprise that they found out and there was a reshuffling of rooms. Which meant that Yuuri was meeting his new roommate today. He only hoped that they weren’t another incubus. He had a hard-enough time accepting himself; he didn’t want to get into the types of discussions others of his kind enjoyed. Even if they had different emotional feeding, there was something about _talking_ about it that drove Yuuri up the wall.  
   
 So what if he was almost always tired? He could survive like that. He wasn’t a Vampire, tied to a Succubus partner or to the government. He huffed and walked back to the window. _Anyone_ would work better than another incubus.  
   
 He grew up with nymphs, magicians, and werewolves. Although, the werewolf bit was a little daunting until Yuuko’s research evened out the mood swings. Yuuri frowned. Mood swings felt like nothing compared what Takeshi had to go through over the year, every year. He couldn’t possibly understand how that felt. How losing his own humanity slowly all the time could feel like. But… Yuuri smiled, they were happy now. He did need to write another letter, wishing Yuuko a happy pregnancy. He could just message her, but this was something that needed a more personal touch. She worked so hard just so she and Takeshi could have a normal life. He smiled out into the sunny window. She insisted that she would help him, despite his insistence that she should focus on another species that needed more help. He would probably lose the argument over time, but taking up so much of her time felt wrong somehow.  
   
 He was fine on his own. He had his runes to help and a Sorcerer’s store wasn’t too far from the school. He would ask some of the students, but his own runes were a little more complex. He turned over his wrist to observe the delicate curves of the metal that entrapped it. It held his feeding and slowed the hunger so he only needed to feed a few times a year instead of once a month at least. It was a birthday present from his parents. They couldn’t quite understand how feeding worked since there hadn’t been an incubus in the family for generations. If he felt trapped where he was, that would have been a different story. They would have given him a piece of home - they did anyways. A bottle of the onsen’s water was stored in his bag, in case he might need to bribe any witches for particular potions. He had no idea what he might possibly want a potion for. It wasn’t like he had any of the typical issues that students were able to brew - and none of the better breweries would need a nymph’s essence.  
   
 The door clattered open. Yuuri spun, yanked out of his musings. He frowned when the shorter man stayed where he was, facing away from the room. Was his new roommate a social butterfly? Someone that would forcibly drag him out to parties? Or worse, have parties in their room? Yuuri shuddered at the thought.  
   
 Yuuri winced as the boy pulled something _hard_ and smacked his head against the doorframe. He shifted over slightly to see a trolley caught by the door. His roommate’s swears echoed in the room as he began to pull again.  
 “I don’t think that’s going to work,” Yuuri snorted.  
 The boy turned to face him, a smile stretching across his face. "Well then, I guess that you should help me."  
  Yuuri blinked before giving a small nod and climbing over the trolley to the hall.  
   
 It was mostly taken up by a large cauldron — his new roommate was a witch then. A slightly closer glimpse showed many belongings stored haphazardly in the cauldron. It was certainly an effective way of moving. A small smile crossed Yuuri's face as he lifted the end of the trolley slightly and reoriented it to avoid battering the poor corner. His new roommate gave it a final tug to send it careening into the room. Yuuri stepped back in, closing the door behind him  
   
 "Thanks."  
 Yuuri blinked at the sudden flash.  
 His new roommate hummed and squinted down at his phone. "The lighting in here isn't too good is it? Hold on let me..." His tongue poked out slightly. "There."  
  His roommate smiled and stepped forward.  
 "Roommate selfie?"  
  Yuuri blinked and had barely nodded before his new roommate slung an arm around him, squinting at his phone before a smile came across his face.  
   
 Then the arm was gone and he was staring at his phone. It wasn't a bad picture really. Yuuri looked a little bemused in it, and he was happy to not be blinded by the flash again.  
 "I'm Phichit! First year, studying biochemistry with a minor in business."  
  Yuuri squirmed inside a bit, his roommate was a fair bit younger than he was. At least he seemed like it. He still had the fire in his eyes that took until midterms to drain out of any student.  
 "Yuuri," he murmured. "I'm studying kinesiology.”  
  "Wow! Did you switch out or something? You're older right? Old enough to buy?"  
  Yuuri flushed and shook his head. "Not quite. November."  
  Phichit clapped his hands and smiled. "Great!" He continued and Yuuri didn't quite realise Phichit was heading to his bedroom, instead of the empty one beside it.  
 "Wait!"  
  Phichit stared at Yuuri's wall. A flush crept back across Yuuri's face. The worst part was, his room in Hasetsu had far more posters and cut outs. Yuuri's mouth opened and closed before he just sat on the crappy couch and rested his head in his hands.  
 "Well. I won't tell anyone if you don't tell anyone about my secret stash?"  
  "As long as it isn't bodies." Yuuri's mouth twisted and he cursed his loud mouth.  
 Phichit gave a small shy smile and started carefully removing things from his cauldron. "Well, they are sort of?"  
   
  Yuuri didn't want to know. He really didn't want to know. At least until Phichit approached him with closed hands.  
 "How do you feel about pets?"  
  "Pets?" Yuuri perked up a little. Vicchan was one of several things he missed about home.  
 Phichit laughed and opened his hand a little.  
   
 Two perfect eyes stared into Yuuri's own. He held out his own hands as the nose poked closer and closer to him. He let out a soft breath as the small head poked out and looked up at him. Warmth kindled in his heart and he looked at his roommate - who was staring at him. Yuuri dropped his hands, feeling awkward and taking a step back.  
   
 "S-sorry." Yuuri dropped his gaze.  
 Phichit stared at him. "What? You're not a werewolf, are you? Or wait. There's a ritual for that— is something wrong? Do you not like hamsters?"  
   
  It was too much. Too much people, too much interaction after he had so little and he was _feeling_ too much at this damned school after too little. He wasn't used to sharing space, sharing his thoughts, not since leaving home and sharing everything. All he could do though was shake his head and look down.  
   
 "Okay then. Hold out your hands." It took Yuuri a while to convince his body to do as he wanted. Then, there was a soft warmth in his hands nuzzling at his sleeve with a tiny paw on his wrist. Yuuri took in a deep breath and looked slightly up. The hamster sniffed at the cuff of his shirt and took a hesitant step further up Yuuri's arm before looking at Phichit then taking another step. Yuuri held as still as he could as the tiny rodent clambered up his arm.  
 "Here." Phichit moved his hand to catch the hamster before it went too high to fall. "Freckle loves to climb, and new people. And exploring. I generally try to keep him in a hamster ball otherwise I'd probably sit on him. Houdini loves escaping his cage and hiding everywhere, but loves food so normally I just leave a bowl of carrots by the cage, but I would reckon that Halloween is like you. Hides in the cage most of the day but a daredevil by night."  
   
  A flush covered Yuuri's face. "I... no. I don't..."  
 "No parties?" Phichit tilted his head slightly, that smile never faltering.  
  Yuuri hunched in as Freckle clambered back over to Phichit. But Phichit didn't sound like he was judging him, just curious. Yuuri licked his lips and shook his head.  
 "I... I don't like what happens."  
  Phichit nodded. "I'd like to try one. Would you watch out for me?"  
  Yuuri blinked. "Why me?"  
  "Oh." It was Phichit's turn to look at his feet. "Sorry. I thought that was a thing roommates did. I'm new to this."  
  "I..." Yuuri's voice stuck a little. "I'm not... good with people. Or the... atmosphere at parties."  
  "Oh." Phichit's eyes went wide. "What about roommate parties? Are those a thing?"  
 Yuuri stared in disbelief at his roommate. Did he seriously go from having someone that went out all the time and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, to someone that wanted to do everything with him? He didn’t believe it. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t know if he would ever be ready.  
 “Movie nights count?” Phichit offered. “I mean. It’s not like we can go out and buy alcohol anyways.”  
 Yuuri ducked his head slightly and looked out the shitty window. Phichit’s eyes widened and he clasped one of Yuuri’s hands.  
 “You’re 21?”  
 “Yes,” Yuuri mumbled. “I… don’t really like drinking though.” He winced and hoped that Phichit wouldn’t call out his lie earlier.  
 “That’s fine! Normally I couldn’t either, not for another year or so anyways. It was supposed to be more of a joke than anything. You do like movies though right?”  
 Yuuri shifted awkwardly. “I… don’t really watch much.”  
   
 Phichit dropped the books he had started to move. “Wait.” He leaned over his cauldron. “Are you telling me that you haven’t seen the King and the Skater?”  
 Yuuri blinked and looked away. "No?"  
  Phichit grinned at him - why? A sense of foreboding started to settle in Yuuri's stomach.  
 "I'm going to unpack! Oh— here hold onto Freckle for me. Then we're going to stream it! You'll love it!"  
  Yuuri forced a smile onto his face. "Ah. Won't you be tired after unpacking and sorting through your ingredients?"  
 Phichit paused and shook his head. "I'm going to wait for my first few classes and then go shopping for ingredients. I won't need any for a month or so and they would have been a pain to get through customs in time. _But_ , that's all beside the point. There is always enough energy for the King and the Skater!"  
   
  Yuuri watched Phichit traipse off and his energy dropped to an all time low. He didn't feel this tired since his first bout of homesickness with the longing for the onsen. He fiddled the pendant. A bit of home to always keep with him. A small smile crossed his face. He was about due to call his mother again, he would have to talk to her about his new roommate. Which meant gossip. Yuuri closed his eyes. He’d have to be social for now, set his boundaries. Be _firm_ with his boundaries. Phichit would have his space in the fridge and cupboards and keep his mess to _his_ room. If they each stayed to each other’s side of the room, then this would all be fine. But…  
   
 Yuuri watched as Phichit carefully unpacked the contents of his cauldron. Would Phichit let him keep his distance? Yuuri shook his head and went into his room, closing his door. He would discuss boundaries _after_ Phichit unpacked. Maybe after they watched the movie. Maybe.


	2. Please Talk to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit gets homesick, and Yuuri tries to help his new roommate feel more at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Domestic fluff REIGNS SUPREME. I love writing Phichit.

 Phichit's eyes shot open and he took in a sharp breath. His eyes flitted around the room, searching for the reason he woke so suddenly. The hamsters were all there on the desk, not rolling down the stairs. He relaxed a little before realising that everything else looked _wrong_. It took a few moments to remember he wasn't home, he was in his dorm room. But this was the first time that realisation hurt so much. Loneliness wafted over him and he curled up in his blanket. Damn, he didn’t even last a month without wanting home around him. For the sounds and smells of his family around him. His mother cursing when his hamsters ended up underfoot. What was he even doing here? He could pursue his potion making in his country. Hell, if Yuuko Nishigori was able to do it from rural Japan, there was no reason that he couldn’t. His father’s parting words made sense to him now. They hurt at first, Phichit thought that his parents didn’t believe that he could do it. But he was free to go home. Whenever he wanted, he didn’t have to stay. Phichit peeked out from under his blankets. He would call him then, start arranging it. He’d get on a plane and— was that bacon he smelled?  
   
 Phichit sat up in bed. Yuuri was cooking. He forgot about Yuuri sometimes, but the man was like a ninja! He didn’t think that he saw him around much when he left for classes in the morning. He knew that Yuuri at least slept here, because the amount of food that was present in the fridge would always vary. So, his roommate wasn’t a ghost. That was good to know at least. He was so _secretive_ too. Perfect ninja material. Phichit blinked and rolled over on the bed. Fridge. He meant to do groceries after his test and he forgot. He had no food left. Phichit buried his head in his pillow and groaned. Yuuri’s side was empty too when he looked — he meant to pick up food for both of them. He had been appropriately insistent on having at least one weekend meal together - something that Yuuri avoided for the last two weeks.  
   
 Then, as if Phichit’s cursing had summoned him, Yuuri’s knock on his open door (whoops) had him turning around.  
 “Uhm.” Yuuri looked at him before looking at the corner of the doorframe. “Breakfast will be ready soon. How do you like your bacon?”  
 Phichit stared. “Like bacon?” Bacon was amazing, and why did it always smell so _delicious_.  
 Yuuri’s brow furrowed. “Yes, crispy? Soft?”  
 Phichit shook his head. “No like. If pork wasn’t dangerous to eat raw I’d eat it raw. I’d eat charcoal bacon.”  
 That got a smile out of Yuuri. Those smiles were just as elusive as Houdini. Who he was fairly certain had once again escaped the cage for the bowl of carrots he kept on his desk _just for that_.  
 “Would you like to help me with dinner? I uhm. I missed home around now when I was starting and you’ve been more quiet lately so I thought that… never mind I’ll shut up now.” Yuuri turned to go back to the kitchen, leaving Phichit staring flabbergasted at his rear.  
   
 Yuuri had a nice butt. Phichit enjoyed staring at said butt, and wondered what exactly Yuuri might be studying, or practising to keep such nice equipment on him. Roommate advantages he never thought that he would have. That and bacon right now. Phichit looked back, to see that Houdini was in fact at the carrot bowl.  
 “If you keep doing that you’re going to get too fat to escape,” he mumbled. Houdini looked at him for a moment, sniffing before returning to his carrot.  
 “I think he does it for the challenge!” Yuuri called from the kitchen.  
 “Like you?” Phichit laughed.  
 Yuuri frowned as he turned around to face Phichit. “What do you mean?”  
 Phichit blinked. What did he say again? “Escape artists? I never see you really. Unless it’s the morning and you’re cranky.”  
 “I’m always cranky in the mornings,” Yuuri blinked. “You’re asleep when I come back.”  
 Phichit’s jaw dropped. All this time? It was just that their schedules didn’t match? Phichit groaned into his pillow. How unfair. He was going to be without any type of interaction outside of school.  
 “I’m… sorry too,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 Phichit rolled over, confused. What was Yuuri being sorry about? He was making breakfast for them both!  
 “I had a dance recital the last two weekends,” Yuuri murmured. “So I wasn’t able to be here for the dinners. I thought breakfast might help… I don’t know.” Yuuri ducked his head. “Roommate things are new for me.”  
   
 Phichit felt Yuuri was hiding something else from him, but something was more important. He sat up on his bed, hands excitedly forward to hold his weight.  
 “You dance?”  
 Was that a blush he saw when Yuuri turned away? Did he actually not like dancing? Did his parents make him do it?  
 “Some… Do… you want to come to some of the classes? Physical activity and all.”  
 “Please!” Phichit thought his face would break from his smile. He could feel Yuuri’s smile in his reply.  
 “I’ll text you the website then. You might want different classes from me and you can see what they offer.”  
 “What do you take?” Phichit dragged his body out of bed and towards the kitchen.  
 “Ballet on Tuesday and Thursday nights.”  
 Phichit drooled more as Yuuri started flipping pancakes. Spoiled, he was so spoiled. He would be so spoiled. Best roommate ever. Now he just needed to actually learn more about him. Like when all his classes actually were.  
   
  Phichit grinned and sat at one of the mismatched chairs. "What are your classes?"  
  "I... started in biochemistry. I thought I could help out one of my friends back home with some of it."  
  Phichit's eyes widened.  
 Yuuri smiled. "I'll introduce you later if you want? And if you don't switch? It took me a year to hate it and a year for her and my family to talk me into switching and there was no point to doing something I hate. My dance teacher needed to help me find an alternative too." Yuuri spread his arms after putting down his own plate. "So I'm currently in my first year of kinesiology."  
  Phichit blinked. He remembered that group during his first week. It was tiny, someone told him...  
 "Isn't that hard to get into?"  
  Yuuri coughed and _completely_ ignored him to shove bacon into his mouth. Okay, bacon was a good reason to ignore him. A very good reason. Phichit placed his own bacon on top of a pancake before slicing into it. Heaven. Pure heaven. Yuuri could ignore him for forever if it meant getting food like this all the time.  
   
 Phichit would look up the numbers for kinesiology enrollment later. Just so that he could call home and know just how much to rave about his roommate. Phichit blinked and stared at the plate in front of him. Was it just him or did half of it go missing? He looked up and saw the missing pancakes on Yuuri’s plate, which a small grin and a hint of mischief in his eyes.  
   
 Yup, he had a ninja for a roommate, it was official. Whether he was better than Houdini would have to be decided at a later date, because now the breakfast war was _on_.  
   
 He ended up laughing with Yuuri as they cleaned up the dorm room later. Thankfully, the syrup stayed on the table and off the floors. He didn’t relish the thought of syrup gunking up his socks later, or the residual stickiness.  
   
 “What time is it for your family now?” Yuuri yawned.  
 Phichit stared blankly for a moment, trying to even remember the time difference. “It’s eleven hours I think…” A quick check to his phone verified it. “They might be watching their shows right now…”  
 “Call,” Yuuri urged. “They’ll be happy to hear from you. I’ll clean up.”  
 Phichit protested. Yuuri cooking and cleaning was beyond good to unfair.  
 “You can do both sometime when I lose it.”  
 Phichit deflated. The glint of steel was new for Yuuri, or what little he had seen of Yuuri anyways. It was odd that he still couldn’t quite peg his species. Other than eliminating the obvious ones. Phichit was fairly certain he’d notice if his roommate was morphing with the moon, and vampires were regulated. He would have gotten a warning at the very least when he moved in. No, what really made Phichit wonder was the runic bracelet Yuuri wore. It would have been terribly rude for him to ask about it, but he couldn’t stop the curiosity. Perhaps he did spend too much time with his father and the metallic charms. Shit, Phichit looked out to the window. He was staring at Yuuri again. What did he need to do today again? Call his family and _not_ book an airplane ticket, water some of his course plants, cleaning - no Yuuri was doing that. Phichit’s brows furrowed as the cleaning expanded from the dishes to the bathroom.  
   
 Was Yuuri trying to avoid him again? He sighed and stared at his phone. It was a call he didn’t really want to make. Especially if his little sisters pulled their ‘I told you so’s. And their accursed practicing. Phichit scowled as his phone vibrated. He should have hidden the ritual textbooks about distance related rituals. He thought the twins might enjoy having it to understand how their phones worked. There was an emotional segment that made him a little wary about giving it to them and he was probably paying for it now.  
   
 Phichit sighed and answered the video chat request. He managed to force a tired smile on his face.  
 “Phichit!” Sure enough the twins were clambering at the screen. “We told you you’d miss us!” He couldn’t keep the laugh from his voice as he slipped back into his native tongue.  
 “You can’t even wait five seconds to rub it into my face? I’m so hurt.”  
 “Are you okay though? You aren’t too sad right? You said it would be normal in the beginning but…”  
 Phichit’s heart twinged a little. “I missed home this morning, but! My roommate made us pancakes and _bacon_ this morning for breakfast!”  
 “Is he nice?” Sayoori asked.  
 Tasanee shook her head. “Never mind that! Is he cute? Would you like to date him?”  
   
 Phichit felt his smile get a little more forced. “We… miss each other a lot. Our schedules don’t line up for the most part. I got him to agree to movie Fridays! Although they’re only going to just start up…”  
 Sayoori crossed her arms and pouted at him. “Don’t tease us like this!”  
 A smile slowly broke over Phichit’s face. “Okay, okay, I’ll ask. You can practice your English then.”  
 The two squealed and nattered at each other while he poked his head towards the bathroom, careful to keep the camera away.  
 “Yuuri? Do you want to meet my sisters?”  
 Yuuri blinked up at him, covered head to toe in cleaning gear — okay now Phichit could see why he was so insistent on cleaning the bathroom. He didn’t _know_ that it was possible to reach some of those areas to clean!  
 “Are you sure?” Yuuri asked, pulling his face mask down.  
 “ _Yes_ ,” the voices chorused from the phone. Phichit gave him a sympathetic smile. He loved his sisters as much as his hamsters, but it didn’t stop them from being any less of a pain in the butt. He gestured to Yuuri to come out to join him and angled the camera to catch them both.  
 “Hello,” Yuuri waved at both of them. “I’m Yuuri, Phichit’s new roommate.”  
 “Hey!” Phichit protested. “You were here first! _I’m_ your new roommate.”  
 Phichit had no idea if Yuuri managed to pick apart what the twins were saying after that - he had trouble figuring it out and he was _used_ to how they talk.  
 “I’m from a small town in Japan,” Yuuri smiled at them. “We’ve been fortunate enough to still have an onsen open there.”  
 Phichit gasped. “Yuuri! We have to visit now! It’s been a dream to visit one!”  
 Yuuri grew quiet and Phichit wasn’t sure if he was seeing red spread across the back of his roommate’s neck. That was probably too far.  
   
 It seemed like his mother agreed given her intrusion into the call now. He winced at her dressing down a bit — he deserved it. Just because _he_ liked Yuuri didn’t mean that Yuuri liked him. He didn’t want to embarrass himself more than he had already. What type of roommates would they be though if they didn’t get into some form of trouble together? Phichit was already certain he’d accidentally make some brew or other that would get them both into trouble. Wasn’t that part of the reason he came here after all?  
   
 “He’s not that bad Mrs. Chulanot,” Yuuri broke in. Phichit blinked, he had stopped listening to the scolding for the most part - it was just another part of home.  
 “He tries to make sure I don’t sequester myself away like a hermit.” A shy smile came across his face. “That’s what my friends back home are most worried about.”  
 Phichit figured that Yuuri was probably talking about the same ones as before. He didn’t seem like the kind to make a lot of friends - but only a few and to hold them close. Phichit considered himself a mixture of both. He had several acquaintances that he was willing to hang out with, but fewer people that he strove to meet up with. Here, he didn’t have anyone like that yet. There were just too many people in all of his classes and labs. Never mind the _idiots_ that were in his labs.  
 “They must care a lot. I hope you help our Phichit.”  
 “Mom!” Phichit cried, clutching at his heart. “How could you wound me so?”  
 “Oh? So you’re saying that Sayoori’s ritual when you left wasn’t perfect?” The three women crossed their arms simultaneously, sending shivers down his spine.  
 “Which did she use?” Yuuri tilted his head to the side. “It must be oddly sensitive. Perhaps the one from _The Uses of Power in the Digital Age?_ ”  
 Phichit blinked at him. “Wow! You know it?” Phichit only knew about it because — well it changed his life and how he connected to everything. The _resources_ it provided were insane, and it was oddly encapsulating of all species.  
 “I was helping a friend with it,” Yuuri demurred. “It helped her form a base for some of her work in more specific areas, with a limited range. I helped her test out some of her theories. There… weren’t any of the usual species around our town really. Not in our age range anyways. There’s a certain understanding that was required to explain how a wrong ritual could feel.”  
   
 Phichit saw his sisters’ eyes going wide.  
 “Another magician!” they cried, literally crying at the screen.  
 Phichit winced. “Sorry, I’ll try to make sure they don’t bother you too much…”  
 Yuuri shook his head, a pained smile crossing his face. “No, I’m not a magician… I just… picked up a lot from my friends. I… don’t get along very well with others of my species really.”  
 Phichit was curious now, _very_ curious. Especially since Yuuri just avoided divulging his species to a pair of ravenously curious children. He had trouble withstanding their puppy dog eyes, even from a distance.  
 “Do you call home frequently too, Yuuri?”  
 Phichit thanked the heavens for his mother, who covered the twins’ eyes and gave the perfect escape.  
 Yuuri shook his head. “Not really… I feel if I call home it makes it that much harder for me. That’s why my friends worry. I could be in the hospital and they wouldn’t know.”  
 There was a minute of horrified silence.  
 “Yuuri. Call your friends at least. Whenever Phichit calls, I’ll check!”  
   
 It was amusing for once to see someone else at the hands of his mother’s mother hen tendencies. The twins tended to get just pure exasperation, and the worry and stress was all for Phichit.  
 Yuuri was a bright red now and mumbled something about finishing the cleaning and turning around to continue scrubbing behind the toilet.  
 “Oh dear,” his mother slipped back into Thai. “Do let him know I don’t intend to be too overbearing but…”  
 “Yes mom,” Phichit smiled. “You care because I care and therefore he should ‘be treated like family anyways’. I’ll try to get him to call them later!”  
 She smiled at him. “It’s good to hear your voice, and to know that you’ll be fine. I’m sure the twins will want to tweak that spell now.”  
 “Do you want me to see if Yuuri still has notes or anything about that?”  
 The twins stared at him with sparkling eyes, but kept their mouth shut as their mother hummed.  
 “Perhaps. We’ll see how they progress in their studies.”  
 The twins deflated, dejection flitting across their faces. “Okay… we’ll talk to you later!”  
 “Later!” Phichit waved at the camera as the connection cut out.  
   
 He felt lighter now, like he could handle that stupid 10 page biology paper, or chasing down Yuuri to see if he would be fine testing out some of his mixtures! Given that he was a willing participant before, it meant he was more likely to help Phichit with his work.  
   
 Perhaps his own shop wouldn’t be too far off after graduation then. Phichit could only hope.


	3. Just a Sip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit learns a bit more about Yuuri and Yuuri has a night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is a shitty chapter summary but well…

 Yuuri closed his eyes and laid his head on the counter. He regretted this so much. Well, he didn’t regret the look of joy on Phichit’s face when he agreed earlier in the night. Or when the potion actually worked. Just… his body didn’t really know how to handle it anymore and he was just so _tired_. He thought he would have been fine until Halloween, when energy was rampant across the school, but he was feeling just… drained. He fiddled with his pendant. It should have been fine, Phichit told him he had been working on generic potions that would work across species and get his opinion. He was familiar with the process from helping Yuuko, as much as he could anyways. It mostly ended up finding and providing the materials for her, and listening to her rambles.  
   
 But now? Now he was in trouble. He had five midterms in the next week and a half. As well as his labs, and he needed to stop thinking about this now or he’d get none of it done. That was the problem, making sure that he got _anything_ done. Yuuri glanced over to the kitchen at the sounds of quiet rummaging.  
 “If you’re making tea or coffee, make me some too,” he groaned.  
 There was a pause in the rummaging, with a quiet ‘sorry’ before it continued. Yuuri glanced at his clock. It was early for him - too early. Which meant he actually didn’t sleep and spent the entire night just _worrying_. Yuuri buried his face in his arms. He couldn’t feed off of anxiety, could he? Hell, he’d probably manage fine with just how much his mind produced the stuff.  
   
 He jolted into Phichit when a mug was placed down in his line of sight.  
 “Yuuri… are you okay?”  
 Yuuri rubbed his eyes and took the mug. “Didn’t sleep well,” he mumbled.  
 “Didn’t sleep well, or didn’t sleep at all?”  
 Yuuri just gave him a half grin.  
 Phichit snorted and threw up a hand. “Who am I kidding? It’s October! _I_ haven’t slept and I’m not in an insane program.”  
 “Your program’s plenty insane,” Yuuri grumbled. “I did the first two years of it, remember?”  
 Phichit groaned. “At least lie to me and say it gets better!”  
 “It gets better,” Yuuri deadpanned.  
 Phichit stared at him and sighed, before plopping down onto the mattress. Yuuri turned away from his anatomy notes to look at him.  
 “You’re sure you’re fine? Not off because of one of the mixtures?” Phichit rolled over to face him.  
 More like he was off because of all of them. Or rather, from spending so much stamina expelling the ones that were a little more harmful.  
 “I’ll be fine.” Lies. Lies, he was going to crash so hard before Halloween. He was going to become a blob of nothingness and Phichit would finally learn everything there was to hate about him.  
 “See, I’m learning Yuuri-speak. That means that you _were_ affected but are trying to spare my feelings. How can I help?”  
 Yuuri blanched. He didn’t want help. He never wanted help. He needed to feed and he _hated_ it. He liked Phichit, he did… but… he still couldn’t bring himself to mention that his magician friend was in fact _the_ Yuuko Nishigori, despite his references to it in his own work. He barely could get up the courage to ask Yuuko if she would mind if he shared some details from when he helped her. He winced inwardly at the memory. She gushed at him about his new friend and told him to bring him home with him sometime so that they ‘could properly compare notes and the effectiveness of brewed items to the effects of long lasting magic’. Or something like that anyways.  
   
 Yuuri cracked open an eye — when did he close them?  
 “I’ll be okay… Just… need some time to recuperate.” It wasn’t quite a lie.  
 Phichit nodded. “Right, no testing for a while. You need to _tell_ me when it’s too much okay?”  
 “Okay. Sorry, it only hit me recently.” Yuuri gave him a tired smile. Sometimes he had the impression that Phichit could see through his skin to his inner chaos. The ravels of his mind that spiralled downwards until he was grasping at every thread and just making everything worse for himself. It did beat the anxiety though, he had to admit. It was a little harder to think of everything that could go wrong when he was too tired to really think. It would probably be at least a week until that point, perhaps he could stretch it to Halloween if Phichit did lay back on the potion testing.  
   
 “Must be tired.” Phichit’s voice was barely an echo. “Why don’t you skip today and rest?”  
 “Midterm next week,” Yuuri groaned. “Review’s this week.”  
 “I’ll go!” Phichit chirped. “Take notes and everything!”  
 Yuuri slowly opened both eyes and turned to face him. “You have your own classes.”  
 “Cancelled! One professor’s out with the flu, another’s car didn’t start, and my TA told us last week to take this session to study.”  
 Yuuri stared at him. “There’s no way you only had three classes today.”  
 “Nope, but those are all the ones that would conflict with yours.”  
 Yuuri closed his eyes again. Why did they agree to posting their schedules to the fridge again? Why did he ever think that someone having his schedule would be a _good_ idea? It was probably enough that Phichit didn’t share his ballet class with him, something that dismayed his roommate. He was taking something else, but Yuuri couldn’t quite remember…  
 “You’re drifting again,” Phichit noted. “It’s decided! I’m going to your classes and taking notes! Oh, and do they take attendance?”  
 “It’s a first-year program. They don’t bother,” Yuuri snorted, shaking his head to try and bring himself back awake.  
 “Stop that,” Phichit scolded. “Go sleep in your actual bed. If I see you up and studying there’ll be trouble!”  
 “What? You’ll call your mom?” Yuuri raised an eyebrow. He paused, he didn’t like that smile on Phichit’s face. Fear coiled in the base of his spine, creeping through his gut in an oddly familiar way.  
 “I’ll call Yuuko.”  
 The fear solidified into a block of ice into his gut as he stared at Phichit.  
 The devil smile faded back into Phichit’s angelic grin. “Good! It’s decided. You sleep, and I’ll take your notes.”  
   
 Yuuri barely noticed Phichit removing his glasses and dragging him to his bed. How did he find out? How much had Yuuko told him? How the hell would he possibly sleep now with all these fears roiling in him? He should call her. He could call her, then he would do as Phichit asked and actually sleep. It wouldn’t make things better, but he would do it to make him feel better. He jolted at the pressure on his hand and refocused on Phichit’s face.  
 “I’ve only been talking about my potions with her on Instagram, nothing else. Everything else is just for you and me to discuss. We’ll talk about you not introducing us later! If she doesn’t beat you to it!”  
   
 The knot of fear loosened and the next thing Yuuri knew there was a tantalising smell wafting to his nose. He blinked and realised he was in Phichit’s room, with no recollection of getting up even.  
 “Ah! Yuuri! Perfect timing. Yuuko said that this one should be okay for you to try, and it would help her test a theory. I can show you the message if you want?”  
   
 Yuuri shook his head. He trusted Phichit, he trusted Yuuko. The mixture smelt fine, and it made him feel warm from the inside out. He let Phichit get out his ladle, and murmuring words just wash over him as he drained it.  
   
 Yuuri woke up, feeling energy zinging through his body. He stared at the clock, and the early hour. That never happened. Or rather, it happened rarely and only when… He looked down. He wasn’t wearing his school clothes, but what seemed to be…  
 “PHICHIT!” He barrelled out and slid into Phichit’s door. This wasn’t real, it didn’t happen. Nothing happened. _Nothing had to have happened_.  
 “Murmph?” Phichit rolled over, opening one bleary eye. “I hoped you were lying when you said you’d be up early.”  
 “I did _what?_ What happened? What is?” Yuuri gestured to his outfit.  
 Phichit sat up and yawned. “A clubbing outfit I put together for you.”  
 Horror sank deep into Yuuri’s bones. He was right, he did end up feeding last night. But _how_ and… Yuuri struggled with himself, before sinking onto Phichit’s bed. “I don’t… everything’s black after the mixture…”  
 “Well. I definitely need to fix that later.” Phichit yawned again. “Definitely a bad side effect, especially if it results in me waking up at… Fuck Yuuri it’s 5am on _Saturday. Why?_ ”  
 “Phichit. What. Did. I. Do?”  
 Phichit stared at him. “We went to a club and danced. That’s all.”  
 That… that was it? Yuuri sank onto his elbows in relief. He fed, but he… he didn’t do anything. That was good. He took a deep breath in and out.  
 “I realise this should have been my first question now. But I also didn’t think to actually _have_ questions ready for 5 in the fucking morning so… Are you okay?”  
 Yuuri squeezed his eyes shut and let out a long breath. “I… I’ll be fine.”  
 “You said that yesterday too,” Phichit pointed out. “Is this a leave-it-alone thing or I should poke-the-bear more thing?”  
 “What?” Yuuri sat up and stared at him.  
 “You know? Sometimes I need to poke an answer from you when you sorta want to answer but feel embarrassed? Other times I need to just poke you to think about a thing and leave it alone? Like if I should be buying the bacon since I eat more of it than you.”  
 “You use it in things, I don’t care,” Yuuri mumbled. “It’s fine.”  
 “Right. Bear, I’ll leave you alone. Shower’s all yours if you want to wash the glitter off. I’m not getting up for another four or so hours if I can help it.” Phichit flopped back onto his bed, closing his eyes.  
 “I should cook all the bacon now to spite you,” Yuuri grumbled.  
 Phichit cracked an eye open. “You could. It would just mean I drag you to my dance class for once since you’re awake.”  
 Yuuri shook his head and stood up. Phichit mentioned a shower, which meant he must be smelling pretty terrible. He’d never use glitter, so that euphemism was absolutely ridiculous.  
   
 At least he thought it was ridiculous until he took off his clothes in the bathroom and saw his hair _bombarded_ with blue glitter. How was that smart in any way? Even drunk-Yuuri had more sense than that! Not that he was drunk. Yuuri frowned, he definitely didn’t have the familiar ache in his liver that suggested he was drinking, but clubbing? That was something drunk-Yuuri loved. That had been part of his plan for Halloween. The drinking part anyways. Drunk-Yuuri made terrible decisions, and not everyone on the campus was aware about drunkenness and consent. He wasn’t going to make that mistake ever again. He didn't need to spend another month coping with his anxiety, even if it netted him a new friend in the long run. Yuuri frowned and stared at his phone. It had been a while since they texted... Yuuri shook his head, scattering the glitter everywhere. Phichit could clean it up as penance later.  
   
 His stomach sunk. He owed Phichit an explanation. One for his freak-out at the very least. He also needed to strangle Yuuko over distance. Was there anything he could do over distance though? A wry smile crossed his face as the water poured over him. It was a pity no one had been able to quite get the Howler enchantment down in any form of magic. That would have been perfect to send her. He should make a list of things to do after he finished his shower, it would stop him from mulling things over until he died at the very least. Yuuri sighed and washed out his hair five times - there was no way he'd ever get rid of all that glitter. But hopefully people would have to squint to see it.  
   
 He took in a deep breath as he turned off the water. He could do this.  
 


	4. Just Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri calls up an old friend and has a heart-to-heart with Phichit

 Yuuri ruffled a towel through his hair, grimacing as more blue sparkles embedded themselves into the fabric. He needed to explain everything to Phichit. He had put off this decision for so long, but now that he made it, he discovered a key issue. Making a decision and following through on it were two _very_ different things. He initially planned to sit Phichit down to talk when he woke up again. Except Phichit's family called, and when Yuuri left them alone for some privacy he came back to an empty room.  
   
 Now his nerves were fizzling him alive slowly, with one avenue left for his to-do list for the day.  
 The contact name was so familiar, and had betrayed him — so even if she still needed her afternoon nap, she deserved the wake up call to listen to him at least. It only took two rings before he heard the familiar click.  
   
 " _Someone better be dying,_ " Yuuko growled.  
 Yuuri felt the smile spread across his face. "I don't know. I find out my best friend and my roommate are plotting behind my back. _Is_ someone dying?"  
  " _Yuuri!_ " He heard the rustle as she sat up — probably in bed. Damn, he wished he was still asleep too.  
  " _Is everything ok?_ "  
  "I don't know," Yuuri stared at the wall. "I don't remember last night. I woke up in a _clubbing_ outfit and blue glitter _in my hair._ Phichit says we only danced but..."  
  " _Pish. You needed the energy. I don't know why you don't believe it but... Yuuri. You're attractive at least to most people. If you just show yourself off a little you won't have any trouble with your energy levels._ "  
  " _I hate it._ Yuuko, I can barely get myself on stage for my _dance recitals._ How do you think another type of performance will possibly help?!"  
 " _I don't know._ "  
  Yuuri didn't believe her. He knew that tone too well. When they were little that tone often got them out of trouble.  
  " _Why don't you ask Phichit? He has some good ideas brewing in his head. Or room. Both. There’s a few things he might be able to help you that I haven't made a dent in._ "  
  Yuuri frowned. "I told you, you should focus on something else, someone that needs more help!"  
  " _Yuuri. You're an incubus that hates to feed on their Lack. Do you really think you're the **only** one with that issue? That maybe others feel just as awkward? Just as insecure as you do?_ "  
  Yuuri winced at the harshness in her voice. She had a good point. He didn't ever think about it. Not since Yuuko told Takeshi and him that they would be fine, that _she_ would make sure they were fine. She had fulfilled one half of her promise. He didn't want to hold her to the other half when there were other with far less freedom.  
   
 "Sorry." Yuuri sighed.  
  " _It's fine. It's rare for you to think selfishly anyways. Oh! Did you remember to recharge your bracelet at least? Does it need any maintenance? I mean, you probably have a place there but..._ "  
   
  "Yuuko!”  
  Yuuri turned to see Phichit traipsing in the door, with what appeared to be way too many pastries.  
 " _Is that Phichit? Hold on. Let me get Skype open at least. We can have a proper meeting!_ " Yuuri didn't even have the chance to protest before his phone clicked off and Phichit scurried to get his laptop, dropping the bags onto the counter.  
 Yuuri closed his eyes and looked up towards the ceiling. This was not how he wanted his day to go. He expected he would feel grimy, gross, and just completely crawly within his skin. But he felt… oddly settled. It didn’t feel like there was another person crawling all over him, which is how his Halloween feeding normally ended.  
 “Yuuri! What’s Yuuko’s screen name? Unless you want to sign in?”  
 “TripleDisaster,” he muttered.  
 Phichit raised an eyebrow. “Okay. Well, I shouldn’t comment. Mine’s HamsterKing. You?”  
 Yuuri turned bright red. “Yuuko made it,” he muttered. “ErosIsMe”  
 Phichit stared at him blankly.  
 “Cupid from Roman mythology.”  
 “Oh. That. Hm.” Phichit blinked at him before turning back to the computer.  
 “It’s a joke. A bad joke,” Yuuri sighed.  
 “It’s the best joke, don’t lie!” Yuuko’s fuzzy image showed up, holding one of the three girls. “Also hope you don’t mind a little extra chaos right now.” Yuuko sighed. “Takeshi was supposed to look after them, but… full moon’s coming up. It’s a little hard when you’re more paws than human.”  
 Phichit made a little sound at the back of his throat. “That sounds difficult.”  
 “Only around now. Yuuri’s mom comes over now and then to help, especially around the moons.”  
 “Any signs of traits?” Phichit asked.  
 “Phichit!” Yuuri stared at him. “That’s rude!”  
 Phichit looked back, wide-eyed. “Oh. I… I didn’t realise I’m sorry.”  
 “They aren’t old enough yet, they’re only a few months old for their trait to have developed. Yuuri, he probably figured that you just keep your mouth shut about your species because you’re overly conscious. Which you are.”  
 Yuuri turned red. “It’s _embarrassing._ ”  
 Yuuko rolled her eyes. “Only here. People are far more casual there. Isn’t that part of why you moved there?”  
 “ _Yuuko!_ ”  
 “Yuuri.” She leaned to the camera, bouncing the triplet on her lap lightly. “I’ve talked to Phichit.” She pointed at them both. “You need to talk. Seriously. Phichit’s already making use of some of your talents, you make use of his and he can’t do that if you’re _holding back._ ”  
   
 Yuuri scowled at Yuuko’s flat look. Yuuko could stare down a werewolf during a full moon on their birth month; he was bound to lose it eventually, but he held out longer than normal before looking away.  
 “I’m-an-incubus. There happy?”  
 Yuuko sighed and leaned back. “No, because I really wanted to enjoy talking more to a fellow collaborator and my best friend you know? The one that didn’t show up to my weddings but stayed on skype while I screamed blasphemies at my husband?”  
 Yuuri turned red. He was a terrible friend. “Sorry.”  
 “Yuuri, I just scolded you. Now, sit down and lets all chat like reasonable people hm?”  
   
 Yuuko somehow always made him like he was a child again, more than anyone else in his family. But she was as part of home too, and it made him feel so warm. If he hadn’t gone out, if she didn’t push Phichit to have him try that mixture… this would all just feel like a wistful memory.  
 “Yuuko? Just one last thing?”  
 She raised an eyebrow.  
 Yuuri looked down a little, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Thanks.”  
 “Okay. What have you done with Yuuri?” Yuuko turned to Phichit.  
 Phichit looked panicked between the two of them. “What? I didn’t — I did it right! I think. It needs some tweaking! Not remembering is definitely a big issue.”  
 “No, I think that’s a Yuuri issue,” Yuuko sighed. “But it does still need some work.”  
 “So, what was it supposed to be?” Yuuri frowned.  
 “Sort of liquid bravery? But without the hangover or — hey! Wouldn’t a no hangover potion be great?”  
 Yuuko made a weird sound. “No one’s managed one without the side effects just getting postponed yet.”  
 Phichit grinned. “So just think! If I manage one and just sell them for ohhhh… five to ten dollars I’d probably make enough to open my own shop here!”  
   
 Yuuri smiled at Phichit. The piles of extra ingredients, the excessive testing… it made sense to him now.  
 “You wouldn’t want to go back home?” Yuuko asked.  
 Phichit shrugged. “Distribution is easier here. I can set up supply easier to Thailand from here, but it also opens up several other markets.” He made a face. “The curse of North America.”  
 “Why not Europe?”  
 “Chaos.” Phichit shook his head. “Although that’s pretty accurate everywhere… but here? Here at least my degree will be recognised everywhere in the world. If my own work hasn’t taken off by then.”  
 “You’ll have it,” Yuuri assured him.  
 Phichit raised an eyebrow at him.  
 “I’d trust him. He said I’d manage that werewolf ritual when everyone else said I’d fail. Actually… Yuuri found the flaw I think.” Yuuko sighed.  
 “What?” Yuuri’s eyes widened. “No I didn’t!”  
 “Wait! Tell me more!” Phichit leaned forward. “I mean, just the thought of mixing multiple types of magic is intriguing, and I’m sure it’ll open up future studies too! You’re the one that started that?”  
   
 Yuuko laughed. “Because Yuuri went ‘why do you need six magicians? Aren’t we all magic enough? Haven’t we read over this with you?”  
 Phichit’s eyes widened. “Wait. But then…”  
 Yuuko shook her head. “It doesn’t work without a magician. I think it’s a bit like witchcraft. You need that element to catalyse and form a corridor for specific kinds of magic, but the sources to power it aren’t as fixed as we thought.”  
 Phichit sat back. “I think I want to change my major now. How the hell can I learn more about this?”  
 Yuuri smiled. “You can’t. Like you said, it’s the crest of the wave. There haven’t been any in depth studies. Just students and children that ask ‘why the hell not?’”  
 “There’s a paper for you to write later Phichit,” Yuuko winked. “I’d be happy to act as a primary source for your final. I expect you’ll be making waves of your own then.”  
 Phichit waved. “Probably only small ones.”  
 Yuuri snorted. “Which ones do you think we use more often?” He fiddled with his bracelet. Yuuko was right, he had forgotten to recharge it. Some of his own energy sapped through to it, leaving him feeling more normal and a little less manic. He would have to talk to Phichit about that later. Shit, he had to talk to Phichit about that.  
   
 Phichit’s eyes dropped to it and back up to him, not slow enough to be able to decrypt the runes. It was a little odd that Phichit was aware of that courtesy and not about asking others’ species. Perhaps species was a cultural thing, but runes and uses were a magic thing. It hurt his head to even think about it.  
   
 "Phichit? One piece of advice before I try to put these monsters to bed again."  
  Phichit leaned forward. A shiver rolled down Yuuri's spine at Yuuko's look.  
 "There are times Yuuri needs to be pushed. And times you need to back off. If I hear _anything_ strange you've done to him I will dump these monsters at your feet during finals. Clear?"  
  Phichit paled as one of the triplets cried at Yuuko and another tugged her arm for attention.  
 "Yes ma'am."  
  Her face softened. "I do enjoy our conversations. If you have other ideas let me know and I'll see what I can do.”  
 Phichit waved his hands at the camera. "No, no, no! I remember how the twins were. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. At least we will be after I sit on Yuuri for answers. Right?"  
 Yuuko smiled. "You've got it."  
 Yuuri sighed. "You don't have to..." he trailed off at the look in Yuuko's eye. Okay, she may have done that literally _once_ but only once!  
 He waved with a small smile. "Take care."  
 "Don't be a stranger," Yuuko smiled and reached forward. The screen beeped at them as the call disconnected and Phichit leaned back to look at Yuuri.  
   
 "So. Why were you worried about last night?" Phichit closed his own laptop.  
 Yuuri stared at him. That... wasn't the question he expected.  
 "The last time I blacked out... was because I drank too much. I was riding the high after a feed." He grimaced. "You know how they say that vampires are either hungry or normal, but incubi are either depressing, normal, or too much of what they eat?"  
  "Not really, but I get it." Phichit's gaze didn't change.  
 "I... my related emotion. Or my Lack I guess is sexual desire."  
  Phichit's eyes went wide and Yuuri looked away. He could feel his cheeks reddening, and he would have to make sure he didn't wring the crap out of his shirt later.  
 "I hate it," he whispered. "I hate people touching me. I hate having to go out into those situations to feed and it's just... not me. This... this is me but..." Yuuri squeezed his eyes shut.  
   
 "But you can't be you unless you feed," Phichit finished.  
 Yuuri nodded, not daring to even look at him. He could hear Phichit's quiet sigh and the creak of the chair as he sat down.  
 "I'm a terrible roommate then."  
   
  Yuuri's head shot up his eyes wide. Why would Phichit _possibly_ think that?  
 “I don’t quite… work that way…” Phichit waved his hands around aimlessly.  
 “Phichit.” Yuuri’s brows furrowed. “Why do you think that matters?” Yuuri didn’t particularly care about orientation of his friends.  
 “No I… I don’t feel attraction in that way. I mean, if I did at least you could have snacks to help right? But… I feel things like that very rarely. I mean, I love our movie nights and I love hugs but… I hate sex 90% of the time and am only okay with it maybe 5% of the time?” Phichit cringed. “Here I am taking a problem about you and making it about me. Wow, I am terrible.”  
 “ _Phichit,_ ” Yuuri grabbed his wrists, drawing his friend’s eyes back up to him. “It doesn’t matter. _It never_ mattered. I like spending time with you. I’ve dealt with this since I hit puberty okay?” Yuuri smiled, trying to draw his friend back out. “It’s always been hard.”  
 “If I wasn’t like this it could be easier for you!”  
 Yuuri stared at the tears welling in Phichit’s eyes. Was he missing something? What was Phichit actually worried about?  
 “I… I’d never want something that makes you uncomfortable,” Yuuri tried.  
 Phichit gave a watery laugh, raising a hand - Yuuri’s hand still attached to his wrist - to wipe at his eyes. “Yuuri. You’re allowed to want things that make me uncomfortable.”  
   
 Yuuri frowned. “I don’t think that’s how roommates work. I think we’re supposed to compromise, but since this is the norm for me it’s completely unnecessary.”  
 “Well. Tell me something weird then to get my mind off of how you probably think I’m a weirdo.”  
 “You are a weirdo. You have hamsters that are capable of escaping from their cages.” It slipped out before Yuuri could stop it. It brought a smiled back to Phichit’s face while he tried to think of something awkward that he could tell Phichit in return. A flush came to him as he recalled and he cleared his throat and looked away.  
 “I don’t drink, because the first time I did I met a succubus that produces… well… and we…” Yuuri thought he was going to die of embarrassment.  
 “Yuuri! You slept with them?”  
 Yuuri nodded. “That’s why… I don’t drink much? We were both really drunk and I think I screamed when I woke up. It took a while for us to sort through. We still talk though.”  
 Phichit’s eyes widened. “Why don’t you ask them then for help?”  
 Yuuri shook his head. “It was a mixed party. He isn’t near the university now. He works at an international modelling firm so he isn’t in the area very often.”  
 “Ohhh? Does he work with Victor Nikiforov by chance?” Phichit’s eyes glinted with mischief.  
   
 Yuuri was happy to see that his friend was back out of his odd funk, but wasn’t entirely sure he was willing to address this level of mischief.  
 “Geez! Not everyone knows about my posters Phichit!” Yuuri covered his face. “I can’t believe you just _walked in_.”  
 Phichit laughed. “No! Really Yuuri? What do you think the chances would be?”  
 Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t think I _want_ to know.”  
 The chance, the very possibility of being able to be close to Victor Nikiforov? Yuuri felt like that very thought would just eat him alive from the inside out. He let out a sigh.  
 “Can we just watch a movie or something?”  
 Phichit nodded and grinned. Yuuri smiled and went to go get his laptop, only freezing at Phichit’s next words.  
 “Oh! Yuuri! Can I feel your horns?”  
   
 Yuuri flushed. “Phichit!”  
 “Sorry! I just… you can’t really tell.”  
 “They’re black! And close to my skull! Of course you can’t tell!” Yuuri really had to wonder about Phichit sometimes, although he was starting to just think that his friend didn’t bother to have a filter around him now.  
 “Yuuri!”  
 Yuuri sighed. He wanted a nap again now. He still felt energy buzzing around, but something about Phichit’s excitement and all the chaos of the morning so far exhausted him.  
 “You should join me for the pole dancing classes on Saturday!”  
 Yuuri lifted an eyebrow.  
 Phichit waved his hands in front of him. “No, I mean like. You said you had a recital before right? There are pole dancing competitions and well. You have a nice body. It would be a good way for you to skim feed right?”  
 Yuuri frowned. He had no idea what Phichit was getting at. But, he was trying to help.  
 Yuuri sighed and sank into a chair. “Okay. _Just once._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Phichit identifies as grey-sexual which means he does feel sexual attraction very very very rarely and on and off.


	5. Only If

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Victor and Chris

 Victor sighed, brushing his fingers by his relatively new necklace. He still wasn’t used to the new source of energy and forcibly recharging with it was starting to wear on him. He was tired of the rune-master’s consistent warnings whenever he called to ask if it was normal. He brushed a hand through his hair, barely hovering by his horn and continuing around it. How long had it been for him? How long since his parents passed away? He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He could afford to nap for a while. He was early to work, he always was.  
   
 It was just nice to feel like himself for a little while before they told him the theme of the shoot and he had to put on his smile. Everything was fine. He traced the metal of the necklace again. It would pay for itself, he told himself the night of the accident. The runes were hidden, he could just claim that it was a memento to wear during all of his shoots. He _could_ do this!  
   
 “Ah, well, they weren’t exaggerating when they said I would be surprised today.”  
 Victor opened his eyes to see a blond in front of him. He looked up and down. He was betting the theme today would be beachwear given his partner. He _hated_ fashion seasons. It resulted in always ending up too hot or too cold because of the season they were in compared to the shoot.  
   
 Victor pasted on his smile, internally bemoaning the lack of me-time. He was a professional though, and held out his hand. “Victor Nikiforov.”  
 “Christophe Giacometti. Chris.” Chris smiled and took his hand. Victor felt an odd thrum from him before Chris tilted his head to the side a little. “Well, it seems most people are wrong about you.”  
 Victor bristled. What could he _possibly_ know about him?  
 Chris waved. “No, no, just the forums that debate about your related emotion.” Chris’ eyes flicked up to Victor’s cobalt horns.  
 Victor’s smile turned bitter. “Oh? And how would you know that?”  
 Chris shrugged. “I dated an incubi that fed off sexual desire. It didn’t quite work out, distance and all. It’s possible we were just at the wrong part of each other’s lives. So, I know what it feels like when an incubi is feeding off of me.”  
 Victor snorted. Just because it was someone’s Lack didn’t mean that they _had_ to feed. It was completely possible for incubi to starve themselves, rather than vampires that actually relied on the energy. Chris had no idea what he was talking about.  
   
 Chris just smiled and sat in the chair next to him. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell. It might be good for you to just have someone to talk to.”  
 “Don’t think you know _anything._ ” Victor glared. Damn being professional at this point, only a few assistants were here and they were hiding far enough away.  
 Chris tilted his head to side. “Non? Cheri. I’m a succubus. I _Produce_ desire. You’re hungry, I can feel it.”  
 Victor’s heart began to beat faster as Chris’ eyes dropped to his necklace, his eyes almost caressing it.  
 “Bullshit,” Victor rasped.  
 Chris shrugged. “I don’t know if you have anyone here. Not after…” his voice trailed off and his eyes dropped to the ground. “One thing I learned early in this industry, is having someone safe to talk to is a lifesaver. Someone that’s more grounded than you.”  
 Victor laughed. “I’ve been here longer than you! What makes you _think_ you could possibly do anything?”  
 “I don’t,” Chris admitted. Victor stared at him. Most people would insist that they could do something for him, or would leave him so curious that he would follow. Chris’ bluntness was new.  
 “I just know that if I didn’t offer my help, the person that helps _me_ stay me would have my hide.” Chris gave him a wry smile.  
   
 Victor didn’t understand. _Nothing_ was for free. Ever. He would smile, flirt, wink. He would pretend for as long as he needed to get where he needed to. His days of tears, of betrayal were done. He rose above it all.  
   
 He stared at Chris, wondering if he could possible test his resolution in some way. He didn’t have a way to deal with that level of honesty. Hell, Chris hadn’t even tried to foist his number on him yet, or demand Victor’s. He seemed content to wait and just… do nothing. An offer.  
 “Nothing’s for free,” Victor stated.  
 Chris shrugged. “You can buy me a bottle of wine when you want to talk.”  
 Victor couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping.  
 Chris slid his eyes back to him. “I have some interest in this too,” Chris admitted. “My friend hasn’t… been able to talk as much. I think he’s having some issues of his own.” He shrugged. “I don’t trust most people in this industry.”  
 Victor felt a small smile quirk at his lips. “Why do you trust me?”  
 Chris pursed his lips. “Someone told me that your shoots always look lonely. A fan. Has a lot of posters of you on his wall.”  
 Victor’s heart lifted into his throat. How could someone possibly tell that? How could he be that obvious? No, if it was obvious he would have seen it everywhere else as well.  
 “Bullshit.”  
 “You’re very fond of that word.” A smile creaked at Chris’ lips. It fell from his face as a third model walked in, far younger than either of them and the swagger of confidence.  
   
 Victor’s own lips curled slightly before shifting into his typical smile as the flurry of movement started. The time for their ‘heart to heart’ was over and now it was time for him to work. They told him he would be working with two other models, one breaking into the international world and one hovering around the edges. No one told him that last bit of information. But Victor had a keen ear for the whispers that flew around the studio. His guess now was that Chris was hovering and this was potentially his make it or break it shoot. The new model had too much swagger and _presence_ to be anything but new. He didn’t even bother to greet them, simply sitting in his own chair moments before the make up artists came out to bedeck them.  
   
 It was sad how much he used to love this, the pampering, the gossip. Now it was just pulling and silence. It was awe and the inappropriate caresses around his horns. It was the weight of eyes on him, daring him to do just one thing wrong. Daring him to put one foot out of place. He was standing on the top of a glass house, and it was just a matter of time before someone kicked it down.  
   
 At some point in the makeup, he met Chris’ eyes through their mirror. Chris made a bit of a face as his stylist complained about working with facial hair. Victor couldn’t stop the quiet laugh that came out. It was worth it for the smallest smile from the other man. Both their eyes darted to the newbie, waiting for them at this point, who was declaring _he_ would be the best in the shoot.  
   
 Victor passed him without a word, only a clap on the shoulder. The kid would learn, but it wouldn’t be from him. He didn’t want to burst his bubble of hope, of determination. If he kept it, maybe he would see him again. If not… Victor saw this world swallow far too many good people, leaving them barely alive. Was he even alive at this point? He certainly felt half dead.  
   
 He changed his mind halfway through the shoot. _Now_ he felt half dead. Thankfully, they had heat lamps out so they wouldn’t freeze, but Victor didn’t think he’d ever had so many retakes before. Or another model stand up for him. He was already mentally adding in French lessons to his schedule; he _had_ to know just what Chris said to make the photographer turn that shade of red. Chris had - of course - offered a translation in private later. Victor still needed to decide how he felt about the man before he gave him _any_ type of information. He was starting to like him though. Perhaps it was how he drew the young model in; ignoring all his bravado, and Victor’s own melancholy. He thought he hid it well enough, but it seemed to shine through on the camera according to the photographer.  
   
 He hated it. It started all the pitying looks, the glances to the necklace he claimed was a memento, when it was really so much more important. He traced the silver in it. It was his survival. The last thing that might let him hold onto _him_ at least a little longer. He didn’t know how long he’d have left, especially if he couldn’t get his act together now. How long until he didn’t care? Until everything was stripped from him and only Makkachin was left. How would it even feel to feel _nothing?_ He didn’t want to know. He never wanted to know.  
   
 And now, he didn’t have a choice.  
   
 He half-heartedly let Chris drag him out after it was all over, leaving the Canadian boy to fend for himself before they both plopped into a dark corner of a pub. Chris was whispering in French again to their server before Victor saw four shots lined up on the table. Chris pushed two towards him.  
 “Only if you want. I’m paying.”  
 Victor fingered the first one, watching as Chris downed his first.  
 “So. I pretty much told the photographer to go fuck himself. How much trouble do you think I’m in?”  
 Victor shrugged. He wasn’t familiar with this company, it seemed like there was breaking grounds in all areas today. Yakov thought it would be a good idea to start him off small to come back. It was probably a good idea.  
   
 Victor let out a sigh and slumped down, looking at the vodka from the side. “I’m tired.”  
 “I’m sorry,” Chris sighed. “I wish I could help more…”  
 Victor shook his head, burying his eyes behind his arm. “It would be hard no matter what. It _will_ be hard no matter what. How can… How can I _work_ when I can’t _feel?_ ” He looked up at Chris. Chris spun his second shot around, staring into it rather than at Victor.  
   
 What was he thinking? Being so vulnerable around a competitor? Letting himself _talk_ like this?  
 “The person I was with…” Chris began slowly. “I drank a lot, because it was New Years. How else to spend it when you aren’t the one buying the booze? But he…”  
 Victor watched as Chris bit his lip and glanced at Victor. “He starves himself Victor. He hates his emotion. When we were together… I think that’s the most balanced he’s ever been since he started school. He’s… he’s a big fan of yours I think. I can ask?”  
 “No,” Victor blurted. It was bad enough he was like this with Chris, someone he _worked_ with. For a fan to know? Someone that looked up to him? He didn’t want anyone to know. He clutched at his necklace. _No one could know._  
 “Victor. It’s okay. Breathe, Victor.”  
   
 He was hyperventilating. When did that start? He took in deep breaths to Chris’ count. When he opened his eyes, Chris still had a smile on his face.  
 “Why do you care?” Victor wanted to go home. He wanted to just sit with Makkachin and cry.  
 Chris shrugged. “Like I said. You look lonely. I don’t particularly care how far I go, I promise. But you? I don’t think you realise just how much you affect everyone Victor.”  
 Victor gave a hollow laugh. “Really?”  
 Chris raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t notice did you? That photo shoot? Everything was designed to _show_ traits. To show we can be _proud._ ”  
 “Right. So they have two of the most _normal_ species there,” Victor seethed.  
 “Jean-Jacques is a nymph.” Chris’ voice was flat. “In every shot, his token was prominent. He didn’t have to _hide_. When was the last time you’ve seen a product that encourages that?”  
 Victor didn’t say anything, just stared at the vodka again.  
 “I don’t know if you didn’t dye your horns because you didn’t want to, or because you wanted to declare everything and tell everyone to go fuck themselves. But people _notice_. Things are changing since Yuuko Nishigori made that breakthrough. Werewolves can _work_ now. Society is shifting. And like it or not, you’re one of the faces.”  
   
 Victor made a face. He could remember the arguments about his horns, the yelling and bullying at school.  
 “Chris.” He finally looked up and took hold of one of the shots. “I wanted people to be proud. Proud of who they were.”  
 Chris met his eyes and nodded slowly.  
 Victor swallowed and decided to take a leap of faith as he downed the first shot.  
 “Don’t ever let me forget it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel sorry for models that are like modelling out of season. I get chills seeing swimsuits in the winter.


	6. Just Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go a little south with Phichit and Yuuri calls in some expert help.

 Yuuri felt like hell. His head pounded with the force of a stampede and the slight red behind his eyelids burned like a solar eclipse. He barely noticed his groan, or the tipping back of his head. The trickle down his throat was almost unnoticeable until the flames in it purified it all.  
   
 He gasped and choked, Phichit holding him carefully in their bathroom. He chuckled, two years for Phichit to have a semi-functional hangover cure, and another one for it to be properly registered with the Bureau. Limited to registered users only — to prevent the overeager students from poisoning themselves to death. Not that it stopped Phichit from almost poisoning Yuuri several times. Willingly.  
   
 Yuuri forced his eyes shut again as the potion started to shift through his system. No wonder that potion testers had high insurance rates. They must have huge hospital fees. If Phichit was any less talented than he was… if Yuuri’s own protective runes weren’t as strong as they were. Well, Yuuri doubted that either of them would have graduated on time.  
   
 “What did I do this time?” Yuuri groaned.  
 “Nothing much,” Phichit assured him. “You just challenged the entire club during amateur night to a dance off and won. I think you have…twenty? Numbers?” Phichit lifted his shirt. “I don’t know.”  
 “Scrub them.” Yuuri could feel Phichit’s frown, his hesitance. Hell he could feel the slight tremor in Phichit’s hands on his back.  
 “What?” Yuuri turned his head and looked at Phichit.  
   
 Phichit looked like hell. Yuuri frowned. It was unusual for Phichit to look quite so spectacular. Especially when he was giving Yuuri _any_ type of potions. ‘It’s a science, Yuuri. You wouldn’t want drunk doctors prescribing you your medication would you?’ He’d say before giggling and falling off their couch when they’d had one too many drinks. Usually they both woke up cursing at that point.  
   
 Yuuri turned around and forced his coiling stomach to relax. “What happened?”  
 Phichit shook his head and put on a fake smile. Yuuri wondered when those smiles became so frequent. It took him so long to even determine the difference, but a little effort in going through Phichit’s social media history showed the difference. He liked Phichit’s smile, especially at the beginning, but now… now it felt like he didn’t get to see it anymore.  
   
 “Just the usual you know! Students begging me for doses and the recipe. I told them there was no way and they’d have to go to their resident specialist.”  
 It hurt to have Phichit lie, to have had him lie like this _every time_ he asked in the last few months.  
   
 Yuuri was a little oblivious, he knew it. Phichit helped him a little with it, and being shut out like this made him feel like his stomach acid was eating through the rest of him. Of course, that could also just be Phichit’s hangover cure. No matter what, he had enough of Phichit dodging him.  
 “Phichit.” His tone dropped.  
 Phichit’s eyes went wide and he scrambled backwards, out of the washroom. “I’m fine! Really!”  
 Yuuri didn’t believe him, crawling towards him slowly. “Stop lying to me.”  
 A flush beat its way onto Phichit’s face as he looked up at Yuuri and stopped moving. Instead, he collapsed and when Yuuri was almost close enough to touch there was searing pain in his ribcage and then the harsh slam of a door and click of a lock. Yuuri stared at the door, slack-jawed. Phichit kicked him and then _locked him out_.  
   
 Yuuri opened his mouth to demand an answer, but something made him stop. He was still on his high from feeding. Everything was feeling like _too much_ , but so much less when Phichit was around. Phichit, his best friend. His best friend that locked him out and was _crying_. Yuuri stared at the door and turned to the kitchen. He didn’t want Phichit to cry, didn’t mean to make him cry. Yuuri held back tears of his own. Four years later and he was _still_ fucking everything up. He made Phichit uncomfortable with his needs, with his posters on his wall.  
   
 Yuuri took in a deep breath and stared at the sink, willing the ever present voices to go away. They were so much _louder_ when he fed, among everything else. He sniffed and went to his own room, closing the door. Phichit would have set both of their phones to charge, and sure enough Yuuri’s was on his bedside table, sporting a full charge now.  
   
 Yuuri barely hesitated before hitting call, rather than text for a familiar number.  
 “ _Cher?_ ” The smooth voice answered. “ _It’s not the best time…_ ”  
 “I just made my best friend cry and lock himself away from me,” Yuuri spat out bitterly. “I just… You don’t know him so I thought… I’m sorry.”  
  _“Keeping it away from gossiping friends?_ ”  
 Yuuri stared at his blanket.  
 “ _I can listen, or try to. It’s going to get loud here soon and I really have to watch my friend here._ ”  
 Yuuri stared up at one of his posters, Victor’s bright smile staring back at him.  
 “He keeps saying he’s okay. He hasn’t been, not for at least a year now. I… I didn’t notice until I was looking through old photos.” Yuuri could hear the quiet clink of glasses, the soft murmurs of voices. An oddly familiar tone making its way across the speaker.  
 “ _No, it’s the ex I told you about…_ ” Chris’ laugh echoed across the speaker. “ _My friend here asks how many times you had to try to keep your hands off ‘my premium booty’_ ”  
 “You had a harder time keeping yours off of mine.” The words slipped out before Yuuri could stop them. But Chris’ returning laugh made him feel better, even as he passed the message to his friend.  
 “ _No. I’m not putting him on speaker… You’re drunk._ ”  
 “I’m interrupting,” Yuuri said softly, the guilt settling in on him.  
 “ _Oh, no you don’t,_ ” Chris scolded. “ _You will **not** both have panic attacks on me at the same time. I’m not close enough to help you right now, Yuuri._ ” Chris was right, but it was so hard. Yuuri was so used to having Phichit help him now, or the hamsters. Tears prickled at his eyes again and he scrubbed them away.  
 “I should let you deal with just one of us then.” Yuuri meant it to be a light joke, but his laugh came out hollow.  
 “ _Merde. Lentement. **Lentement.**_ ” Chris scolded. Yuuri could hear the clink of glasses and a quiet laughing sob across the phone.  
 “I’m sorry… I’ll let you go…”  
 “ _Non, Yuuri. Un moment. Juste. Un moment s’il vous plait._ ”  
 Yuuri’s brows furrowed as the sound completely cut off, but a look at his screen showed that it was still connected. Why did Chris mute him? Why was he bothering to put up with Yuuri when they weren’t even dating anymore? Why was Chris putting up with him when Chris was out with his own friends?  
   
 Was Chris out with friends? Horror filled Yuuri’s chest. It was entirely possible he was interrupting Chris’ date. He was the worst person ever.  
 “ _Good you’re still here._ ”  
 Yuuri couldn’t talk around the rock in his throat. The whistles of traffic echoes through the speakers now.  
 “ _Yuuri. How do you feel about your roommate?_ ” Chris’ voice sounded much brighter now, and Yuuri could pick up a harsher voice in the background.  
 “Phichit’s probably the best roommate I could ever have,” Yuuri admitted. “We work well together.”  
 Chris hummed. “ _Yuuri I’m going to be frank. Have you two had sex?_ ”  
   
 Yuuri dropped his phone, making it clatter on the floor. He could hear Chris laughing in the background.  
 “ _That explains it. Bang him and then call if there’s still an issue._ ”  
 “It’s not like that!” Yuuri hissed. The walls were thin. _What if Phichit heard?_  
 “ _Cher—_ ”  
 “He doesn’t feel that way!” Yuuri cut him off. “He _can’t._ ”  
 “ _Can’t or won’t?_ ” Chris challenged. “ _You can’t just—_ ”  
 “Can’t.” Yuuri threw in. “We… He found out about me when I was starting that new program. He was upset he couldn’t help me.”  
   
 Yuuri didn’t think he’d ever managed to make Chris fall silent like that before. Their silence tended to perpetuated with the sound of their skin. A flush rose to his skin from the memories. They may have only met twice a year, but well… It wasn’t really possible to forget him.  
 “ _I hate to break to you Cher, but that doesn’t really stop someone from falling in love._ ”  
 It was Yuuri’s turn to drop dead silent. Love? Phichit and him? Was it possible?  
 “ _I see that I’ve broken your brain. I need to get this lovely mess into a cab home. Call me back when your mind stops running in circles? Or don’t. Talk to the lovely being in the room next to you. I expect introductions. And an invite to any wedding._ ”  
 Yuuri had no idea what type of sound he made, only that Chris laughed at him before hanging up. Phichit? In love with him?  
   
 Yuuri had his own crushes, and he kept them a mile away from him. Poster on the wall included. Chris once asked him if he’d ever want to meet Victor Nikiforov, and Yuuri had made some strangled sound then too. He couldn’t imagine it, he would just make a fool out of himself. In fact, he would probably keep a room apart. That way he couldn’t _possibly_ have a bad impression on his idol.  
 Phichit’s distance. The way they used to cuddle under the blankets for movies, but now were an entire couch apart.  
   
 Yuuri started as a drop fell onto his phone. He touched his face, tears, quiet for once. That was a first. He let out his own sob. How long had he hurt Phichit without meaning? Just by being too close. His best friend, his confidant. His partner in crime. Yuuri rubbed harshly at his tears. He didn’t deserve them. Not when Phichit was hurting, not when Phichit was hurting because of him. How could he deal with this anyways?  
   
 Yuuri stared at his door. Normally, it was Phichit that drew him out of panics. Maybe… maybe this time it was his turn. He had to jump out. He had to be the one to take the leap. What leap? He rolled back on his bed. What leap did he want to make? What dance would they perform?  
   
 How did he feel about Phichit?  
   
 He ran over the conversation with Chris in his head again. The best roommate, they worked well together… Frankly that was understating it. Yuuri had been miserable at school until Phichit. He couldn’t imagine things without him anymore. It was worth trying at least and well… they could work it out. But he had to go talk to Phichit. Chris was right, he had to be the one to go this time. Perhaps… for this he could dare to go a little further.  
   
 He stood and took a deep breath in and out to steady himself. The walk over to Phichit’s door never felt longer. Going to knock on Phichit’s door shouldn’t have felt like the eternity it was. Phichit ignoring him shouldn’t feel like elephants stampeding over him. He almost wished that his normal anxious thoughts were back. That Phichit wasn’t crying and not willing to let Yuuri try and help him for once.  
   
 Yuuri let his head thud against the door. What could he do? How could he talk to Phichit, when Phichit wouldn’t talk to him? He stared at his phone, willing it to give him answers. Facebook pinged at him and his jaw slackened.  
   
 Phichit always talked about that one advice forum for the students. It took him a while to scroll through their own message logs, and a fair while longer to think of an appropriate vague-but him username. At least until he remembered he had one already.  
   
 Phichit might be looking at the relationship section, Yuuri could only hope that he was refreshing like the usual maniac that he was. Each word was painfully crafted, both for it’s anonymity for both of them, but specific enough for Phichit to realise who it was at least.  
   
 He tasted blood as he hit the post button and slid down against Phichit’s door, trying to listen. Hoping that the sobs and sniffles might decrease.  
   
 Infinity passed until he heard a quiet ‘what the fuck’. Yuuri scrambled to not be on the door, just in case. He also might be hitting refresh a little too quickly for Phichit to even reply.  
 “Yuuri!” Phichit’s voice warbled inside his room.  
 Yuuri had to swallow several times to try and get his voice to work properly. “Yes?”  
 There was a quiet shuffle. “Are you at the door?”  
 “Sort of?” Yuuri heard the lock latch and turned, not daring to move.  
   
 Phichit looked… Well Phichit looked like Yuuri imagined he looked after one of his panic attacks.  
 “You ignored my post,” Phichit said weakly.  
 Yuuri stared at him. “What?”  
 Phichit laughed, if Yuuri could call it that. It lacked the sustenance that Phichit’s laughs normally had. “I posted three hours ago asking for advice.” Phichit wiped at his cheeks. “You could have replied instead.”  
   
 Yuuri was an idiot. A huge. Humongous. Idiot. He hung his head between his knees and groaned.  
 “Really? What did you expect?” Phichit continued. “That I was just crying there?”  
 Yuuri held up his hands helplessly.  
 “Well. What did you do then? Must have been some kind of advice giver. Yuuko would have just called me instead.”  
 “I-called-my-ex.” Yuuri bit out. He didn’t dare to look at Phichit. “I… didn’t want people that know us as… us involved.” He dared to take a look up at Phichit. “They don’t get a say in my love life.”  
 Phichit tilted his head to the side. “Must be one hell of an ex.”  
 Yuuri flushed red. “Well. Physically maybe but…” Yuuri shook his head. “In the long run… no. We’re too different.”  
 “Doesn’t stop you from pining over Victor Nikiforov.”  
 “What? You don’t have any celebrity crushes?” Yuuri snapped.  
 Phichit stood oddly still. Yuuri didn’t realise how much Phichit was always moving until he wasn’t.  
 “Just you,” he whispered. “Never anyone else.”  
   
 Yuuri owed Chris a bottle of wine. Or a bottle of vodka. Or whatever the damned Swiss model drank. Yuuri hesitated a moment before glancing at the couch. “Should we… uhm.”  
 “Yuuri, just rip my heart out please. I can take it. I can move out in a month, although I guess we can also just stay here until convocation and then move on with our lives.”  
 “What?” Yuuri’s eyes went wide. “Phichit!”  
 “I can’t give you what you _need!_ ” Phichit screamed. “What kind of relationship would that be?!”  
   
 Yuuri felt the energy blaze in him, draining out as he stared at Phichit. “What do you _think_ I need Phichit?”  
 He stood up to face him. Phichit’s eyes darkened, then widened as he took a step back.  
 “What do you think I even _want?_ You should know that at least.”  
 Yuuri broke their gaze, letting his head drop. He was _tired_ , and he shouldn’t have lost control like that. “I’m sorry, I… Compelling you to listen is the last thing I should be doing.”  
 “Yuuri. You need to feed, I can’t give you that. You know that.”  
 “Why do you think that matters?” Yuuri snapped. “Out of _everything_ why that? You always tell me to stop looking at the small screw ups and look at everything that’s right! Well! Tell me Phichit! What’s right with us? For one thing that doesn’t work, there’s a hell of a lot that does!”  
 Phichit took another step back.  
   
 Yuuri closed his eyes. He was fucking up. He was fucking up _badly_. How could he possibly even think of trying a relationship with Phichit when he was using compulsion to get him to listen? It wasn’t fair. But then, his life was never fair. He looked at Phichit’s room, at the tiny hamsters staring at them. All of them, with their paws on the bars. Even Houdini, who was outside of the cage just staring.  
   
 Yuuri couldn’t help it. He laughed. He fell down on the floor laughing so hard. Two moments later and Phichit joined him. Ten moments and Houdini was sniffing at Yuuri’s leg.  
 “Oh my god,” he wheezed. “They were _staring_.”  
 Phichit put on his squeaky hamster voice. “Daddies are fighting, are they okay? Is everything okay?”  
 Yuuri paused in his laughter to look up at Phichit. “Is it?”  
 Phichit shook his head. “I… don’t know. I think we need time.”  
 Yuuri licked his lips. “Can… can we try? Phichit, you’re good for me and I just… I hope I’m good for you too? I mean. I don’t know why you like me. I’m a pain in the ass to deal with.”  
 Phichit snorted. “Yuuri. Do you _know_ how much money I would be able to make off of just your pencils?”  
 Yuuri frowned. “Why my pencils? Why not yours?”  
 Phichit raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Why me?”  
 Yuuri bit his lip and looked at the floor then back up at Phichit. “If it helps my ex thinks you have great taste and would like an introduction.”  
 Phichit stared at him. “You’re fucking with me.”  
 “It’s Chris Giacometti.” Yuuri shrugged. “Pretty sure he fucks with everyone.”  
   
 It had been years since Yuuri had heard that particular Phichit shriek. Maybe they would be alright if they went slowly, one step at a time. Phichit had waited alone long enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merde – Shit  
> Lentement – Slowly  
> Non, Yuuri. Un moment s’il vous plait – No, Yuuri. A moment please


	7. Just Watch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri’s determined to get Phichit to at least _listen_ to him as they think of the future.

 Yuuri scowled at the mirrors in the studio. Phichit still didn’t believe him. Although, he didn’t blame him. Yuuri didn’t believe half the crap that came out of his own mouth either. But Phichit didn’t believe that Yuuri _cared_ and he was running out of ways to try and prove it. Not only that, but he still had to introduce Chris to Phichit, and the _last_ thing he wanted to do was introduce the two of them when he and Phichit were still in the middle of a tiff.  
   
 Yuuri refused to think of it as a fight. It was a fight if there was communication, and right now he was talking to a bloody brick wall. He let out a breath and pushed himself deeper into the stretch. He still had ballet at least. He stopped going to the pole dancing lessons, at least while Phichit was so uncomfortable around him. Perhaps it was a better idea to move if all that they were going to do is dance around each other. He glanced around at his class and a small smile quirked at his lips. There had been so much progress, so many changing faces. He was going to miss the studio when he graduated.  
   
 They all straightened when the teacher entered the studio, and started the ritual that was beaten into Yuuri’s body over the four years. He worked up a decent sweat before the end, and was barely surprised when Celestino approached him. The rule was that first years and graduates had to perform at the recital, and it was optional for everyone else in the advanced class.  
   
 “Yuuri,” He greeted.  
 Yuuri gave a small smile back. “Recital time?”  
 Celestino shrugged. “That and a few other questions for you really.”  
 Yuuri paused his tidying to really meet Celestino’s eyes. An undercurrent of terror swept through him, but not much could be worse than his current situation with Phichit.  
 “I’ve noticed you haven’t come to any of the Saturday lessons.”  
 Yuuri blinked and looked down at the floor. “Phichit started before me.”  
 “Ah. Fighting then.”  
 “Something like that.” Yuuri sighed. “I want to try something, but Phichit doesn’t. It’s… personal.”  
 Yuuri blinked and looked at Celestino, just realising that he wasn’t asking a question. “How could you tell?”  
 Celestino laughed as he watched the rest of the class trickle out. “Really now, Yuuri. You dance with your _soul_. I can tell when you have a test the next day, or when you’re feeling happy. It’s in how you move.”  
 Yuuri pursed his lips. He didn’t know his dancing was that so emotive. Minako used to praise the feeling in his dance. Celestino was talking about separating different events from it though. That would actually explain a lot of the attention he received when he was hungry and dancing. The type of attention that Phichit was so good at keeping away from him. Damn, he really had been an ass. Yuuri closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to his knee. How many more times would he think of something and realise just how much he hurt Phichit over the years?  
   
 “That isn’t why I wanted to talk to you.” Celestino sighed.  
 Yuuri looked up. “The recital.”  
 Celestino nodded. “Yes, the recital first, but don’t go running off when that’s planned. I have some other things I want to ask you too.”  
 “Of course.” Yuuri finished packing his back and stood up.  
 “You’ve done your first recital, when we ask dancers to think of hope. You’re finishing a section of your life now, so the aim of this recital is for you to think of something that completes you.”  
 Completion. Yuuri made a face.  
 “Music and additional requests are due in two weeks. Now… I know you’re in intermediate pole still but…”  
 Yuuri made a face. “A piece for that too?”  
 Celestino nodded. “Ideally. One piece for sure, two would be nice. Now… Yuuri have you thought about the future?”  
 Too much and not enough. Yuuri closed his eyes as thousands of voices beat upon him, shrinking him slowly until he was less than a pebble.  
 “I only wanted to see if you would like to take an instructor learning course here to work here. You’re also quite talented, enough that I would suggest trying a local competition at least if you’re staying in the area.”  
   
 Yuuri shook his head. Too many people knew him through Minako, he wouldn’t trust their critical judgement. He would either be graded harsher, or his brain would at least convince him that he was being looked on favourably.  
 “I see, that’s unfortunate.”  
 Yuuri bit his lip. There was one other class he took… “Maybe for pole?”  
 Celestino raised his eyebrows. “Pole-dancing? I didn’t expect that from you, but certainly.”  
 “I’ll consider the instructor position too,” he mumbled. “I… don’t have work lined up right now. I don’t know if I can afford the classes.”  
 He jolted as Celestino grabbed his shoulder with a smile. “If you want to take the classes, working reception here for the summer will cover it.”  
   
 Yuuri frowned. He still had rent to consider, especially if either he or Phichit moved out. He hated thinking of that possibility, even as it was starting to look more and more like a reality.  
 “Yuuri.” Celestino’s voice dropped. “If you want it, we’ll make it work okay?”  
 Yuuri looked up at him, and oddly enough found he believed him. “Okay.”  
 Celestino took a step back and smiled. “I hope you and Phichit make up at least!”  
   
 Yuuri grimaced as he passed Celestino. Make up, that would be great. Make up instead of break up. And now his mind was thinking of a billion dirty jokes thanks to Chris. Yuuri let out a sigh as he left the studio, letting the cool waft of winter’s tendrils go past him, their touch lingering on his skin. The snow was melting, but the chill remained in the wind.  
   
 The walk home was always painful now. He knew he would come back to silence. They still did their movie nights, their dinners together, but the weight of the room always ate at him. Google wasn’t helping him any either, and Yuuri was betting they were both keeping the issue off social media, even if it might be more helpful right now.  
   
 Even the wafting smell of curry didn’t quite blow away Yuuri’s raincloud.  
 “Yuuri!” The plastic smile was still on Phichit’s face, Yuuri noted with a sinking heart. “Guess what?”  
 Yuuri put on a little smile of his own. If Phichit wanted to pretend today, he would go along with it. He was tired.  
 “You figured out how to make skittles potions?” Yuuri guessed.  
 Phichit looked scandalised, his heart drawn to his chest and his eyes wide. It was the most emotion Yuuri had seen from him in the last month.  
 “Yuuri! Nothing so _minor!_ No! I got my certificate for a shop!”  
 An actual smile broke over Yuuri’s face. “Really! You’ve been hoping for that for a while!”  
 Phichit nodded and looked back over the pot, stirring it once. “So. I was thinking that I always loved the idea of those places where it was like… the apartment above and the shop below?”  
   
 The smile slipped from Yuuri’s face. Oh. Phichit was going to move out. Phichit stayed facing away from him as he continued.  
 “I mean, I’ll be here a while at least while I’m hunting for the perfect spot! You’ll have your work too when we graduate I mean…” Phichit finally gave him a guilty glance backwards. “Sorry.”  
 Yuuri shook his head and sighed. A degree was one thing, but finding work was another entirely and one that he was having far too much difficulty in. Outside of Celestino’s offer he only had three interviews and none of them had panned out.  
 “Celestino talked to me today.”  
 Phichit jumped on - what he thought - was a change of topic. Yuuri smiled, wondering if he should break it to his friend.  
 “Really? Oh, about the recital right? First and last year students?”  
 “Some others too,” Yuuri shrugged and threw his bag into his room. He would deal with it later. “He also wanted to know if I’d be up for some competitions.”  
 “What? Yuuri! That’s great!”  
 Yuuri shook his head. “I know over half the ballet judges. My first teacher was well known in the circuit. I just…”  
 “Oh… that’s… unfortunate.”  
 Yuuri bit his lip. “I… may have asked Celestino if I could try a pole competition.”  
 Phichit’s eyes widened. “Yuuri! Are you sure?”  
 Yuuri gave Phichit a weak smile. “And Celestino asked if I’d be interested in being an instructor. I just… I don’t want to make you feel weird?”  
 Phichit shook his head. “No! Not at all! Wow, that’s a lot!”  
 Yuuri nodded. Phichit totally minded, it was in his voice. Yuuri was so fucked. Maybe he could ask Celestino for an after hours key if he went for the instructor training. Then he wouldn’t have to bother Phichit, and he’d have somewhere to practice routines. He used to do the same with Minako.  
   
 “Would you come watch at least?” Yuuri asked quietly. “To the rehearsal, the recital, or the competition?” His throat closed up on him. He wasn’t sure what he would do if Phichit said no. He didn’t know what he would do if there was no one else around him. The first time he tried the recital he flubbed it so badly because of his panic. He knew better for the second, his second time being a first year. That must have been what caught Celestino’s attention really.  
   
 He sighed and sat up straighter. He shouldn’t mope, not when Phichit had such great news.  
 “So the curry’s for the certificate?” Yuuri asked, trying to keep his tone light.  
 Phichit hummed and continued stirring. “I… also thought that you might be feeling nervous because of jobs and everything and this might help.”  
 Yuuri rubbed at the tears pricking his eyes. He didn’t deserve Phichit, he should just let him move out and get his shop with its beautiful apartment above. Someone else would come, someone better for him. He bit his tongue to keep the words from falling out of his mouth. Phichit was already distancing himself. Yuuri didn’t have to make it easier for him.  
   
 “It does.” Tears were masking his voice. It hurt that Phichit didn’t come and offer him a hug this time. It hurt that Phichit didn’t try to touch him anymore, that he stayed as far away as he always could. So much that he _did_ cry when Phichit touched his hand, even if he pulled it away when Yuuri looked at him.  
 Phichit sat next to him. “And of course I’ll go. You’ll have to give me the dates ahead of time though. I won’t be able to watch at the recital if we’re one after another.”  
   
 Yuuri nodded and took in a deep breath, wiping away the tears. “How are the twins anyways? I don’t think you’ve mentioned them much lately.”  
 Phichit made a face. “Trouble. I mean, Yuuko’s pretty good at keeping them out of trouble. It helps that they won’t have any real oomph to their spells for a few years still but…”  
 Yuuri frowned. “Your parents can’t help?”  
 Phichit shook his head. “Recursive species for the twins. I take after mom.” Phichit winked and threw a ‘v’ by his open eye. “Night vision included!”  
 Yuuri laughed, and it felt like the cloud in the room lifted, at least for the day.  
 “I’m a recursive too,” he admitted. “My parents are nymphs, the incubus in my family were around four generations ago. There… weren’t really many people around.”  
 Phichit winced. “That… must have been really tough.”  
 Yuuri shrugged. “Well… inn and all… puberty wasn’t… too noticeable for me? Being near family helps a lot. Like… incubi can only really feed off of their emotion if there’s a lot around or if there’s family nearby?” Yuuri paused. There was a thought. “Remind me to suggest that to Yuuko later.”  
 Phichit raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Makes you wonder at some home lives doesn't it?"  
 Yuuri shrugged. "Might just mean they grew up near a succubus too."  
  Phichit winced "Okay. That would suck."  
   
  Yuuri hummed, tapping his chin. "I'm not sure. Depends on the community around them. The succubus may be there to stay..."  
  Phichit shook his head. "But can you imagine? What if there's a succubus nearby that exudes... I don't know! Murderous intent! And if you're right — incubi would be born craving that or just..."  
  "Feeling nothing?" Yuuri raised an eyebrow. "Preferable to _dying_ of hunger."  
  Phichit winced. "Point."  
  Yuuri sighed and leaned back. "I keep trying to convince Yuuko her efforts would be better focused there, but there's no dissuading her."  
   
  Phichit stared at him then the ground. "It's creepy watching someone you care about just... start to not care," he murmured. "Probably just as bad as it used to be with werewolves... before she figured out the mental connection for wolf and other species." Phichit ran his hand through his hair and let out a huff. Yuuri's heart twisted in his chest and lodged in his throat.  
 "I understand her... desire. Her _need_ to make sure her loved ones are able to connect with those around them. Vampires don't have that problem."  
   
  Yuuri dropped his eyes. It still felt wrong to him, for some reason. Even as his friends tried to convince him otherwise. Yuuri frowned and raised his head a little, sniffing the air. "Phichit... when did you last stir the pot?"  
  Phichit's eyes widened and he darted to the stove "No! The curry!"  
   
  Yuuri smiled as his friend scampered to save their dinner. Now he had a few months to think of something to show his friend how much he cared. After the competition... he would have no more chances. No. Yuuri closed his eyes. He couldn't assume Phichit would go to his competition, months later. He had a month until the recital. That would be his time to show Phichit they were _worth_ trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP the curry – but boys are talking to each other!


	8. Only Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor struggles with how his life has changed and Chris makes a suggestion.

 Victor stared at his glass. It was strange how time could pass. How could four years could go by and feel so much longer than the rest of his lifetime. It was surprising how long a rune could last when you bought one from a master. Victor closed his eyes as he stared into the glass.  
 "Pardonne-moi."  
  Victor glanced up to see Chris slip into the seat across from him. A small smile slipped across his face, maybe his last - who knew how long it would take.  
   
 But he was _glad_ for the friend he made in Chris. For there to be someone to understand without words. Even if they had a rather annoying protégé. He wasn't alone. Victor clenched his necklace. He would never be alone. Chris promised him that much at least. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see Chris' pitying look.  
   
 "It's at its end?" Chris murmured.  
 Victor clenched his jaw and nodded.  
 'It lasted longer than I thought, by magnitudes."  
 "The things money can buy," Victor joked and looked out the pub window. He liked it here. This was where they first talked. It seemed fitting to get wasted here before he couldn't feel anything. The absence snuck up on him. First it was his grief, sharp as a thorn was now the sidewalk he walked on. Four years felt far too short to grieve and feel like this. Especially given how long he had cried over their first dog.  
   
 "You'll make sure I take care of Makkachin?" Victor blurted, suddenly a true fear in his heart.  
  Chris raised an eyebrow. "I really should have made you two talk..."  
  Victor scowled. "I don't need a matchmaker!"  
  Chris leaned his chin against his hand. “That’s not why.” He let out a sigh. “Honestly he might not want to talk to you either.”  
 Victor raised an eyebrow. What the hell was Chris trying to do? Help him or make him feel worse.  
   
 “Victor you’re drifting.”  
 Victor drew his eyes back to Chris and let out a huff of air. “Sorry.” He rubbed his eyes. It was becoming more and more common for Chris to pull him out of his moping sessions, well hopefully that wouldn’t be a problem anymore for him. One of the few good things that might come of not being able to feel.  
 “You were saying?” Victor met the hazel of Chris’ eyes.  
 Chris twirled the little umbrella in his drink. “I was saying that he’s a fan. And well. He idolises you.” Chris chuckled. “A lot.” A sigh. “I wish you could see him dance at least… that’s how you can tell. I swear I can see the tiniest echo of his dances in how you move… which means it was probably the other way around since you’ve never met him.”  
 Victor’s brows snapped together. How could he look like someone else’s dances? Unless someone pulled up some of those ancient as hell - grainy beyond belief - videos on the internet. No one could be that dedicated. Especially not when he hadn’t danced in years, not since his modelling career took off. He had a choice — and they needed the money then. After… it was too hard for him to go back. He had to wonder what might have changed. If he had continued dancing, if he had tried to figure skate like so many suggested.  
   
 But no, he downed his drink and signalled for another. Those doors were shut now, there was no going back to either. Besides, both required some kind of emotion whereas modelling seemed to want him to strip himself away for the camera.  
 “Let me guess. It’s that ex that called you last month.” Victor needed the change of subject, of anything other than his fading life.  
   
 Chris’ mouth twisted unpleasantly as he downed his own drink. “You mean when you both almost lost it?”  
 “I did lose it,” Victor mumbled. He stared as Chris lit up, leaning forward now with both hands entwined.  
 “Oh, so you admit that now?”  
 Victor stared at him. “Yes? Is that such a big deal?”  
 Chris sat back and rolled his eyes. “You don’t ask for help, Victor. You ask me out for drinks. We talk a little, but not much. Last month was the last time you cried.”  
 Last month he felt like it would be the last time he _could_ be able to cry. Guilt edged at Victor’s consciousness, but failed to become anything further. He should be feeling worse about this, about how he was imposing. It used to bother him early in their friendship. Now…  
 “Chris… will you tell me if I ever take advantage of you?”  
 Chris raised an eyebrow. “You told me you weren’t interested.”  
 Victor shook his head. “No… I mean… this. I… it can’t be good.”  
 “Not really, no.” Chris admitted. “But it beats destroying your liver for good.”  
 Victor let out a hollow laugh.  
 Chris snapped his fingers in front of his face. His lips were drawn, and his eyes lacked their usual jovial sparkle. “If we continue this, Victor,” he murmured. “Don’t pretend. Not for me.”  
   
 Victor didn’t even realise his typical smile had slipped onto his face and let it go. “I…”  
 Chris shook his head. “No. No apologies. What do you want me to do? How do you want me to help you? Besides reminding you that you care for your dog.” Chris rolled his eyes.  
 “Don’t treat it as something trivial,” Victor snapped. Anger was one of the few things left to him now, even so it had faded to feel more like irritation.  
 “I’m treating it like this because at this point you should _know_ that it doesn’t work that way!” Chris grabbed his hands.  
   
 Victor pulled away, but Chris held fast, staring at him with a small tick starting in his jaw.  
 “You don’t _forget_. You may not be able to _feel_ but you won’t forget how you feel about someone!”  
 Victor stared at Chris. “Is that why you broke up?”  
 Chris huffed and let go, slouching on his side. “Why do you keep turning these around and trying to help me?”  
 Victor shrugged. “The way you talk about him is like how the sun would talk about the moon.”  
 Chris snorted. “Just as cheesy as ever.”  
 “I have to try, right?” A half smile came across his face before he remembered that Chris said he wouldn’t have to pretend, not for him.  
 “You should get an acting award for this,” Chris mumbled. “I can’t believe I’m the only one that caught it.”  
 Victor shrugged. It had terrified him at first, but it was rather astonishing how few people questioned Victor’s mood - relating it to the untimely death of his parents rather than the lack of feeding. His insistence on Chris’ inclusion whenever possible led to all types of theories. From dating, to feeding. It solidified what people thought of him and his feeding habits. Especially with their cavalier attitudes to each other. But it was odd how comfortable it could be, being almost naked with someone when you knew that nothing would come of it. He was getting sidetracked again.  
   
 His drink arrived and he took a gulp of it this time. He didn’t want to be able to feel in the morning - at least then he could claim it was because he drank too much. He could pretend for a while at least that it was a substance doing this to him, and not himself.  
 “You didn’t answer,” Victor pointed out.  
 Chris shrugged. “You’re right. I didn’t. It isn’t your business.”  
 Victor blinked. That was oddly cold of Chris, for someone that kept trying to get the two of them to talk.  
 “Sorry?” Victor tried.  
 Chris sighed and leaned a temple on his fist. “Never mind. You probably won’t meet anyways. What else can I do?”  
 “Just… help me remember?” Victor tried. “Be there? I… I don’t know what it’ll be like. What I’ll be like. Don’t let me forget.”  
 “I promised you that already, cher.” Chris raised an eyebrow. “When we met, remember?”  
 “I… I wanted to remind you. I’m… I should feel scared, Chris, but I just feel… empty. Like I know how I should feel but I don’t. What if I forget over time? What if in a year or two there’s nothing left of Victor Nikiforov?”  
   
 Chris snorted. “If that ever happens I’m force-feeding you.”  
 “No!” Victor snapped. “No! I’m not… I can’t…” he stared at his cup and swallowed. “I can’t intrude on others’ happiness like that.”  
 “Not even if it’s consensual?”  
 Victor laid his forehead on the table and let out a sigh. “No. I… too many people would just because it’s… it’s me.”  
 Victor heard a thunk and shifted his head slightly to see that Chris had joined him with his head on the table now.  
 “Point.” Chris sighed. “Still… what if someone might actually love you that much? Do you think that’s possible?”  
 Victor grimaced. “I’m not sure that those fans have the right feeling. Honestly, I don’t want to check.”  
 Chris grew silent, and Victor could see his brain whirring away. The last time he saw that look, Sara and Mila ended up locked in a closet together and going out for the last three months.  
 “No dates,” Victor grumbled.  
 “No dates,” Chris agreed, tapping his fingers thoughtfully on the table.  
 Victor glared at them. God, he was going to be Chris’ next pet project. At the same time, he couldn’t find it in him to protest.  
 “If I were to bring someone to a party… would that be suitable. Would you trust me in that respect?”  
 Victor blinked and stared at him. “You can bring whatever date you want.”  
 Chris laughed. “No, Victor. A uh… fan lets say. Make a show of a lucky winner getting it— don’t worry I’ll rig it appropriately. We can test if some of your fans have enough care for you and you can just hide in the crowd.” Chris’ eyes glanced over his face, lingering over his hair. “If you really want I can hide you, no one will ever know that Victor Nikiforov is there.”  
   
 Victor stared at him. “Why?”  
 “Because I worry. I’ve seen someone go too long and drive themselves insane when they fed again. Feeling again after too long is… painful from what I heard. A bit like putting your hand on a burner, except in your head.”  
 Victor stared at him. That did sound particularly painful. Was he really ready for this? He snorted, he probably couldn’t even make that proper decision. Chris though… he decided to take the leap four years ago.  
 “If… if you decide I get that bad… I trust you to do what’s necessary. Just… keep in mind how I feel about this too?”  
 “Bien sur, mon ami. Je sera là pour vous, toujours.”  
 Victor closed his eyes and let a small smile drift on his face. Its how he would have felt, and for this at least he wanted to pretend, even if Chris told him not to. He wanted that memory of happiness, how it filled his bones and swelled his heart. He wanted to remember it all before it disappeared. Maybe… if he kept pretending, if he kept remembering, he would be fine. No one would notice, they knew that already. But he would notice he was empty, that there was nothing more to Victor Nikiforov than a pretty face and a cute dog.  
   
 After that… he would be nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pardonne-moi – Informal ‘excuse me’  
> Bien sur, mon ami. Je sera là pour vous, toujours – Certainly my friend. I’ll always be there for you.


	9. Please Come With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit tries to cope with his crush and some progress is made at the recital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Yuuri dances to is [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAc9_LNCEFM) (I’m a nerd and I love this manga/anime)

 Phichit had _no_ idea how he was more nervous than Yuuri. It was practically impossible! Yuuri was the _prime example_ of nerves on steroids. But instead of worrying, he was just _there_ stretching, listening to his music. He and Celestino had banned Phichit from his normal input or even _watching_ his practices.  
 “ _It’s different._ ” Celestino admitted when Phichit had pushed. “ _He’s afraid and you don’t have the same… techniques or background. Normally you would be a help… but I have to admit I’m a little out of my depth with this too, Phichit._ ” Phichit was worried. Yuuri seemed more agitated, but hadn’t had any of his usual meltdowns— not since their fight. He barely even blinked when Phichit said he was going to move out. Maybe Phichit finally got what he wanted.  
   
 Phichit stared at the floor, taking in a few deep breaths to try and centre himself. He was going to be the first one to go in the senior section, and Yuuri would be the last. They promised to watch each other, as always. He was going to miss this. Phichit tried to will the tears back. He would cry after his performance, when he could claim that it was the dance that got to him. He would get through this. He would move out. He would get over Yuuri Katsuki.  
   
 Phichit found his eyes drawn back over to Yuuri. Yuuri was physically attractive certainly, but it was his smile, his dedication to everything he tried that had wormed its way into Phichit’s heart. The downside to being ace, Phichit supposed, is that it was much harder to fall out of love. He couldn’t just say he had been attracted to a pretty face. No, it was all of Yuuri that he adored. It was the cuddling with the hamsters, making meals together - and really Phichit you need to stop this. He smacked his cheeks lightly to focus. He needed to think about dancing. Maybe he would take a page out of Yuuri’s book and listen to his music, remember his movements.  
   
 He barely heard the volunteer tell him that he had ten minutes and to warm up. Yuuri was still off in his own world. Phichit could remember when he first dragged Yuuri with him to pole classes. Yuuri would always help him stretch, and he didn’t think that he’d miss his help, his presence so much since their fight. Since Yuuri found out how he felt. Phichit frowned a bit as he touched his toes. Maybe that was why he was so upset. It was one thing to be denied, but another for your crush to find out and corner you about it.  
   
 Phichit spent three hours crying on the phone with his family about it. He paused in an arm stretch. Actually, the girls had been oddly quiet to Yuuri since then. He stared at him, trying not to get lost in how Yuuri would sigh when he really felt a stretch. That was another puzzle. Yuuri spent several months pleading with him but just… stopped when Phichit mentioned moving out. There had been no more attempts, only the wistful glances that he caught every now and then…  
   
 No. Phichit frowned. That wasn’t what was odd. It was the look of determination he caught now and then when Yuuri looked at him. It would switch between those two when he caught his eyes, before they slide away. It hurt a little, knowing he hurt Yuuri. But it would be better for Yuuri in the long run. Yuuri would be able to be with someone that would be able to let him feel things without the help of potions, runes, or any other magic. That was something he couldn’t offer.  
   
 The wrongness still sat in Phichit’s stomach as he stood just off stage as the last dancer bowed before the crowd. The program for the recital was always changing, but they always filled the room by the end. Normally it would be an instructor that would end off the recital. Phichit had to wonder what happened so that now Yuuri would be their closer. There was usually a graduate for at least each type of dance - and if there wasn’t then an instructor stepped in. It was the perfect time to give the high schoolers an idea of what they could do, it was an extra draw to the college as well and sponsored. Phichit wrung his hands as Guang Hong held up a hand for a high five — it was his turn now. He waited for a volunteer to announce the beginning of the seniors. The speech was always the same. How it was possible to see how much skill could change and how you could grow.  
   
 He found it cheesy the first time he heard it, he still did. But he did change, he grew while he was here. Even if it hurt. He stepped out and took his opening pose.  
   
 It was a good thing he had practiced it so much. His head was not in the routine, but his body could remember the movements, the repetition. He managed to not make a fool of himself at the very least, he didn’t disappoint Yuuri. If he had, would that have changed anything? Phichit wiped off his sweat with one of the towels on the side and looked up to see Yuuri, wearing an odd expression on his face.  
 “Are you okay?” Yuuri murmured.  
 Phichit frowned at him. “Is there a reason I wouldn’t be?”  
 “You weren’t smiling.”  
 Phichit stared. What did Yuuri mean by that? He wasn’t always smiling, hell he was sure that he didn’t always have a smile plastered on his face.  
 “I… I’m sorry I haven’t been around… practice and all,” Yuuri kept mumbling. “But… no matter what you can always talk to me, okay?”  
   
 Phichit’s heart lifted a little. Yuuri would be okay with what he was going to try?  
 “Even if I don’t talk to you for years?”  
 Phichit could barely catch the fleeting grimace before Yuuri’s face settled into what he swore was the most relaxed Yuuri had ever been.  
 “Of course! Even if you just need another potion tester.”  
 Phichit winced this time. He still felt bad that he caused Yuuri’s need to feed early on in their living arrangement. He was more careful now, and warned his repeat testers to monitor their own health as well and that it would always take precedence — not that Yuuri ever listened anyways. Stubborn roommate that he was. It was a relief though, to know that in time, they would be alright. Phichit just needed to give himself time to get over Yuuri. Then they could try the movie nights again, the dinners… if they still wanted to. If Yuuri was still here.  
 “Phichit.” Phichit glanced at him. Yuuri’s hand hovered over his wrist. Phichit took his hands and smiled.  
 Yuuri gave his own small one in return. “Watch me okay? Don’t look away.”  
 “I’ll take a recording for Yuuko too!” Phichit winked. “Maybe I’ll post it on the roommate twitter too~ Who knows.”  
 Phichit’s heart swooned at Yuuri’s smile. He would bet his license that people would drop their pants for that look. His own just wiggled slightly at the look.  
 “Yuuko is fine, but I don’t think you’ll want to post it when you see it.” Yuuri held his own hands for a moment before letting go to talk to some of the freshmen that were behind the scenes right now. Phichit shook his head slightly and went towards the front by the pole-dancing instructor to help any early questions.  
   
 He watched as dances went by. Tap, rumba, tango, salsa… he had tried a few at least once — but he enjoyed the feeling that pole gave him, even when he was alone. When Yuuri joined him though, he felt they both shone all the brighter. Yuuri’s skill was slightly higher than his, which Yuuri reasoned away to Phichit as his background in ballet. But that wasn’t it. There was something more to Yuuri and his dancing. There was a reason that every year the studio came to him asking if he wanted to represent the studio in competition. Something he never really got an answer for beyond ‘my old teacher’. There were a few others that reminded him of Yuuri in just aura. But, most of them were nymphs. Phichit let out a small huff, then again Yuuri did mention that his parents were nymphs, perhaps it was hereditary.  
   
 It was unusual for Phichit to be so distracted. Perhaps some of Yuuri’s anxiety was wearing on him. He could barely smile and answer questions, or watch the performances. Oh. Was that what Yuuri meant by how he seemed off? Would he have made his roommate feel better if he said it was only nerves? It wasn’t completely true, but it wasn’t completely a lie either.  
   
 Phichit’s head snapped up as Celestino took the stage. That was odd, but seemingly rehearsed as the volunteer stepped off the stage.  
 “Our last performance usually depicts an instructor trying to defeat themselves. This year, I’m proud to say that none of us could match up to the determination of one of our graduating students. He has a unique performance prepared for you. Now, this is a first for many of us.” Celestino gave a wry grin. “Please do be kind and welcome our last senior, Yuuri Katsuki who will be performing to _Akatsuki no Yona._ ”  
   
 Phichit hid a shrieking giggle. Yuuri was going to perform to an anime piece? It seemed like he would be focusing on the pole. Phichit remembered that opening to be quite fast paced. He felt a little better when Yuuri came out and _finally_ showed some hint of his nerves, at least until his eyes met Phichit’s. Phichit smiled, nodded and hit record on his phone. No matter what, Yuuri would be magnificent.  
   
 He didn’t expect the sudden swell of the violins to dip into something softer. Phichit stared at Yuuri’s form as it swung around the pole, only to come down into a ballet sequence. At least… he thought it was a ballet sequence. It felt so longing, hopeful as he danced around the stage switching between the pole and ballet. His movements became more desperate at the piece continued, his eyes still catching Phichit’s when they could. Phichit let out a small huff when he finally caught the part of the song that he was familiar with, a much faster piece that the previous half of the music. He could barely see sweat coming off of Yuuri — the stamina monster that he was.  
   
 There was almost a playfulness to his movements now, a dare. Oh. Phichit stared. Ballet and pole dancing were similar, but usually executed differently. Yuuri was trying to _talk to him_. Phichit felt his heart begin to pound and suddenly Yuuri was much harder to see. He could barely keep his phone steady. Yuuko would never forgive him if he didn’t catch this. He could only hope that the tremors wouldn’t be too bad.  
   
   
   
 “Phichit?” his instructor tapped him on the shoulder. He shook his head slightly and kept his eyes on Yuuri as the last drum rolled out. The crowd cheered for him. Phichit could barely hit the button to stop recording before he dashed towards the stage. He needed to talk to Yuuri. His best friend just put himself out there, and did something new— dangerously new _just to talk to him_. Just to hope that this would be a message Phichit would hear.  
   
 Perhaps his mother was right and his skull was entirely too thick sometimes. This time, he hurt Yuuri, hell he hurt himself by refusing to listen.  
 Yuuri was squinting at the crowd. Phichit laughed as he reached behind the stage— oddly empty now.  
 “Yuuri!”  
 The doofus was half blind without his glasses, although the lights wouldn’t be helping either. Yuuri turned to see him. It was the first time Phichit thought that Yuuri might actually look scared.  
 Yuuri dashed offstage, his hands hovering over Phichit’s face. “You’re crying!”  
 Phichit’s eyes widened, a hand touching his cheek. Oh, he was.  
 “You’re an idiot,” he declared.  
 Yuuri winced.  
 “But so am I it seems.” Phichit looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean… if you want to talk… I’m listening now?”  
   
 Yuuri’s mouth dropped and he put his head in his hands and let out a weak laugh. “I mean. I kind of hoped that the dance would have spoken for me?”  
 “Yuuri, I love you and all. But we don’t quite speak the same language.” Phichit paused. “I mean. I don’t know ballet.”  
 Yuuri did laugh at that and wiped at his own face.  
 “But I did get you were telling me I’m a fucking idiot and to get my head out of my ass.”  
 Yuuri’s eyes widened. “No! No! I didn’t! I didn’t mean for it to be—”  
 Phichit raised a hand. “No you didn’t, but it’s how it can be interpreted. I mean. Who dances out a _fight?_ ”  
 Yuuri kept his eyes on the floor. “I couldn’t think of other ways to tell you that it’s possible for things to mix that you wouldn’t think would.”  
 Phichit rolled his eyes. “Yuuri. Tell me you wouldn’t try that with tap and pole. That mixing random dances with pole is how you’re going to compete.”  
 “No! I. No! Why would you think that?”  
 “Because we didn’t learn it? I don’t know? It would be weird wouldn’t it? Didn’t you like that Victor always surprises people? It would make sense to try and surprise given how much he’s plastered over your wall.” Oh shit, there was a bit of bitterness in that. Phichit winced.  
 Yuuri just frowned and scuffed his foot.  
 “Yuuri?”  
 Yuuri shook his head. “No just… something else.”  
 “You were thinking about Victor.”  
 Yuuri shrugged. “He’s been… off since that accident. I just… I worry? It might be nothing.”  
 Phichit stared at him. He was trying to make amends and accidentally started the Victor Nikiforov tangent. There was no saving him now, their conversation was _doomed_.  
 “But… Phichit. Did… do you think we can try?” Or maybe Yuuri would save their conversation. Phichit let out an inward sigh of relief  
 Phichit hummed. “Well. Our lease is ending. My new one picks up. You still have no idea where you’ll be right?”  
 Yuuri winced but nodded.  
 “Well then.” A smile bloomed over his face as he reached out a hand for Yuuri. “I think I know a place you can stay until then.”


	10. Please Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is back home and Phichit misses him dearly.

 There were a few things Phichit regretted, but moving in with Yuuri wasn’t one. Moving in with him just after mending a months old fight wasn’t one either. Moving in when Yuuri had to _go to Japan_ to pack some items he needed for _competitions_ after mending a _months_ old fight was definitely a regret. Phichit sat in his new shop/apartment and huffed. He really had it out for himself, didn’t he? Pushing Yuuri away like that, then bringing him back close. But god he loved the hugs and the snuggles and the _hand holding_. He was dead. He would be forever gone if Yuuri Katsuki decided to leave him. There would be no replacing the _nerdiest_ dance routine to try and woo a significant other.  
   
 Phichit snickered at the thought. Yuuri had essentially given him a mating dance. He would have to text that to him later when he landed. He couldn’t even fault Yuuri’s second reasoning for going. Or third. The second one being that if Phichit had said ‘no’ he wanted to be away where he could cry in private without anyone really worrying about him, where he would feel comfortable. Third was to visit Yuuko's triplets, and let the parents get away for a while. Phichit had no idea how Yuuri was going to deal with three little terrors on his own. He suspected his friend - no. His boyfriend was underestimating the chaos of three year olds. God. _They were boyfriends_. A smile bloomed across his face. He was Yuuri Katsuki's boyfriend. Phichit's cheeks grew warm and he touched them lightly. He would have to keep an eye on Yuuri though, his stubbornness would occasionally win over common sense. But Yuuri had his own good points for trying a relationship too. Phichit needed to let go of the thought that they wouldn't work just because of one hiccup. He couldn't be constantly thinking they would fail.  
   
 Which might be another good reason for Yuuri to leave. Phichit sighed and slumped in his bed. It gave him more time to convince himself that they would work. It gave him time to stop telling himself that they just wouldn’t, that Yuuri could be fine with him. Phichit pursed his lips. But that was just it, Yuuri got along fine without him for two years. Actually… Phichit’s eyebrows drew together. When did Yuuri go out with Chris? He knew that there had been at least one party that Yuuri had gotten blackout drunk for feeding, so it must have been before they met. No, wait… Yuuri said they broke up due to distance. Phichit pinched his nose.  
   
 Yuuri left _yesterday_ and Phichit was already talking to himself.  
 “This isn’t healthy.” He looked at Freckles somberly. “Neither is talking to myself for that matter.” Phichit estimated that it would take him until graduation to actually get the shop set up, until then he could hype it up on social media and work on a few basics to keep in stock. He may have rummaged around a few of the other potion shops around just to see some of the generics they had available. Phichit would eventually have something _other_ than student-required potions -- but they did fill a niche that would probably see him paying his bills. Or at least letting him pay his bills when his savings ran out. He was purposefully ignoring the store stock his parents set aside that he wasn’t supposed to know about.  
   
 God, what was he supposed to _do?_ It was so boring without Yuuri. At least when he was avoiding Yuuri he was thinking about the best ways to avoid him! There was always homework — but he’d hate to start that on day two of their holiday. Well _holiday_. Yuuri and Phichit had agreed _long ago_ that they’d want a week off — skipping classes and what have you after their last recital. Just to process that it was _over_. That and Yuuri figured it would give Phichit time to move and set up the store.  
   
 Phichit sighed and looked at the boxes. Packing, that was what he should be doing. Or rather, unpacking. Phichit flopped onto the floor rather than unpack. He stared at his hamsters… damn Houdini got out again. Phichit didn’t want to get up to see if he was by the carrots either, and given his tendency to chew cardboard… and some of his ingredients were poisonous…  
 “Houdini!” Phichit cried and pushed himself off the floor to crawl over to the coffee table. Nope, he was eating carrots. Phichit sighed and rested his arms on the table, watching Houdini stuff his face. “Someday I’ll figure out how you do that you know. You won’t be able to keep that secret forever.”  
   
 Houdini ignored him in order to eat more carrots. Phichit smiled at him and glanced over at the cage. He grabbed a carrot from the bowl, despite Houdini’s squeaks of protest to offer to Freckles and Halloween. Freckles was the first to take a nibble at it, tiny paws holding him up to devour the treat.  
 “Houdini should learn to share, don’t you think?” he asked somberly. Freckles didn’t answer, he never did.  
   
 His phone rang and Phichit almost fell over backwards. Yuuri! He must be awake! Or arrived! Or something!  
 Phichit’s heart melted as he answered the call.  
 “Yuuri!”  
 Female laughter pealed over the phone. Phichit stared at the wall before pulling the phone away from his ear and looking at the caller id.  
 “ _Yuuko_. That is so mean!”  
 Other voices joined in laughter as well. He thought he heard Yuuri’s chuckle in the background -- but that was definitely him talking to Yuuko.  
 “Yuuri wants to know if you’ve started talking to your hamsters yet.”  
 Phichit frowned. “I take offense to that! Just why do you think I would ever do that?”  
 “Ah, you’re so mean, Phichit!” Yuuko whined. “Not talking to your pets? What kind of owner are you?”  
 “I see what you’re trying to do, Yuuko! Yuuri set me up for this didn’t he?”  
 “Maybe.” Yuuko was amused, he just _knew it_. Also… oddly tired. Well, triplets at three…  
 “Have you convinced Yuuri yet that agreeing to watch the devil spawn alone is a bad idea?”  
 “And ignore the possibility of a good date? Don’t you dare Phichit!”  
 Phichit pouted. “I already haven’t told him how bad the twins were! How much more of a handicap do you need?”  
 “Enough for a night.”  
 Phichit hummed and put the carrot back through the bars at Freckles’ angry squeaking. “I can last a night. You owe me.”  
 “How about figure skating videos?”  
 Phichit dropped his phone. What? _What?_  
 “Phichit? Phichit?” his phone echoed at him. His face must be a thousand degrees now. Did Yuuri compete? Why did he stop? What were his costumes like?  
 “How long?” he squeaked.  
 “Until he left,” Yuuko replied, a little huff in her voice. “He didn’t do any formal competitions — but I take that as a yes.”  
 Phichit nibbled on a lip, stopping absentmindedly when he heard Yuuri’s voice telling him to knock it off. “Sweeten it for me,” he demanded. “If there isn’t cute Yuuri costumes you need to sweeten it a little more.”  
 Yuuko hummed. He could almost see her with her fingers templed at her lips as she thought. He blinked as his phone pinged. He glanced at it to see an unknown number - but the first few words read as ‘Don’t let Yuuri know.’ Was this from Yuuko’s husband? He clicked on the message.  
 ‘Don’t let Yuuri know. Yuuko is sworn not to share childhood photos of us. I’m free to. LMK if that’s appropriate sweetener.’  
 Phichit’s fingers flew over the keyboard in a long ‘YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS’ Child Yuuri? Always. Especially since Phichit didn’t know if he would actually ever end up seeing them -- or if they would both be able to visit at any point. Store-owning was hard.  
 “Would cherry blossom tea for Yuuri to bring back be okay?”  
 “That’s all you could think of?” Phichit sighed. “I guess I shall take pity on you and relent. That or the tea Yuuri likes? Then I won’t feel bad for stealing his.” He could hear Yuuri’s murmured Japanese - he really needed to polish that up more. He had a few phrases that Yuuri taught him, and the reverse for Thai, but neither of them were quite conversational level yet. Unless it was elementary conversation. Actually, no. Kids would have the weirdest conversations. Bus stop conversations maybe.  
   
 “Oh! Yuuri wanted us to call because he said you have some good news?”  
 Phichit blinked. Which good news? What good news was he allowed to share? Did Yuuko and Takeshi know about Yuuri’s orientation?  
 “The I-got-my-certification news?” Phichit’s brows creased.  
 Yuuko laughed and Phichit _swore_ he heard Yuuri thunk into _something_. There was definitely a weird thud-y sound and that was Yuuri’s voice swearing.  
 “Yuuri told us that first thing off the plane. Then acted all evasive when I said he was _far_ too happy for that to be all the good news he has.”  
 “Oh. Maybe that _he’s competing in two months?_ ” Phichit grinned.  
 “Phichit!” Yuuri scolded.  
 “Yuuri!!! You didn’t tell us that!!!” Yuuko devolved into Japanese that Phichit couldn’t quite catch. Something about Minako. Damn he really needed to polish his Japanese. Maybe he would surprise Yuuri when he came back - or he could work on his studies. Nope, Yuuri was far more important - Japanese it was.  
   
 Phichit tapped his chin. “Well. Maybe it was that I’m in a relationship now?”  
 “What?” Yuuko yelled. “I thought… I can’t believe! Yuuri! What did I?!”  
 “With _me Yuuko! Stop! Stop!_ ” Phichit could hear the three of them laughing before a wail broke through in the background. Oh damn.  
 “Ah! Loop! It’s okay, we all fall,” Yuuko cooed. “You’re fine. Why don’t you get back up and show Uncle Yuuri how well you skate again.”  
 He heard sniffles and Yuuri’s voice fading.  
 “Sorry, he wanted to take them out to the rink,” Yuuko apologised. “ _What_ is this I hear about you two being in a relationship?”  
 Phichit was definitely red, yup he could feel all the blood rushing into his face.  
 “He uhm… Seduce is the wrong word. But… enthrall? I don’t know. That routine he did for the recital…”  
 Yuuko hummed. “I did think it was rather odd for him to choose to do a piece that was so…”  
 “Complicated?”  
 Yuuko laughed. “Are you _sure_ you were Yuuri’s roommate for four years? You should know that if there’s a simple way to do something or a complicated one, he tends to the complicated!”  
 Phichit opened his mouth to protest — there were times that Yuuri _argued_ for the simple routes, but then those were all complicated projects to begin with.  
 “See? No, it was odd to see him do something so… sensual. It was odd to see him put himself out like that. It’s been a long time since…” her voice trailed and ended in a little sigh. “I was happy to see him like that. If it was you that brought it out, then all the better.”  
 “It uhm… it was more complicated than that.”  
 “Hah! And you were going to say that he isn’t complicated!”  
 “We’re both very complicated and simple individuals,” Phichit nodded and grabbed another carrot as Freckles finished his nibbling. “It’s a miracle you put up with us. Actually no. That’s why we’re on the other side of the world from you, totally. Yup.”  
 “Don’t think I won’t fly over there to rip your heart out,” Yuuko warned.  
 Guilt rose heavily in Phichit’s throat. “Yuuko… I… I’m scared that if I stay with him that I’ll hurt him _by staying_ ,” he whispered.  
 Silence filled the other line. “No, no go away.” He heard her whisper and the noise level, Yuuri’s voice suddenly disappeared. “Talk to me Phichit. Why do you think you aren’t good enough for our blockhead?”  
 “I thought you said you married the blockhead in your group?” Phichit felt his voice warbling. He would not cry. He _would not cry_.  
 “I didn’t want to hurt Yuuri’s feelings. They’re both blockheads. They’re lucky I care for them. Why aren’t you good enough?”  
 “I… I can’t provide for him.” Phichit choked.  
 “Fuck you.”  
 Phichit’s eyes went wide and he stared at his phone. Yuuko _never_ swore!  
 “You _own_ your own shop now. Not renting. _Own_. You have a certification. You only need to rent the living space - but I won’t be surprised if that changes in a few years. Unless you move to a busier area, which is _also_ possible. Yuuri would also put your head through a wall if he heard you just then. Since we’re talking, I’m guessing that isn’t it.”  
 “Not _money!_ ” Phichit squeezed his eyes shut. “I… I never liked the idea of sex. I mean… do I think about it? Rarely? But…”  
 “Are _you_ the reason that Takeshi’s been looking up asexuality?”  
 Phichit blinked. “I… don’t know? I didn’t tell him?”  
 Yuuko huffed. “Those _boys_. Phichit. Do you realise how _terrified_ you made me when I saw my husband looking that up and thinking he had to force himself to have sex with me?”  
 Phichit flushed. “I’m sorry!! You can strike one of the picture sets.”  
 “No, I’m just striking your tea.”  
 Phichit whimpered. He really did love the tea Yuuri had.  
 Yuuko sighed. “I’m not taking away anything Phichit. I just wish you didn’t feel you had to hide that.”  
 Phichit shrugged. “It’s not like it’s a disease.”  
 “No, it’s not. But you’ve done more for Yuuri than I’ve been able to for four years.”  
 Phichit frowned.  
 “ _Don’t you dare argue._ ”  
 Phichit closed his mouth.  
 “You may have used my help in boosting some of your processes - but Phichit you’re far closer than I ever was to helping him. If he wants this, he will do everything to make sure it works. So, yes. Keep an eye on him, but I _swear to God if you break up over this I’m flying over and kicking your ass._ Clear?”  
 Phichit swallowed. “Clear.” Somehow Scary!Mom!Yuuko was way better at tricking his brain than he was.  
   
 “Good. Now promise you’ll visit when you can buy that lovely apartment.”  
 “Yuuko!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Yuuko XD


	11. Just Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri has an offer from an old ex and isn’t sure what to do – so he asks Phichit.

 Yuuri took in a deep breath and stared at the job offer sitting in his email. The details were… a little worrying coming from Chris. But at the same time, because it was coming from Chris, he wanted to do it. School seemed easy compared to this. Standing on a stage receiving his diploma, worrying the entire time about tripping on the robe was easier than this. In fact, he would argue that remembering and hearing about his drunken shenanigans was easier than this decision. Which of course, meant there was only one thing to do.  
   
 “Phichit!” Yuuri started down the stairs. It was working hours, but there usually wasn’t too much traffic in the early mornings.  
 “Yes, my skater?”  
 Yuuri sighed. He wasn’t going to ever live that down. “I need your opinion about a job…”  
 “Yes, you should take it,” Phichit answered.  
 Yuuri stared at him. He should just accept it now to spite Phichit, but perhaps he could get away with teasing him? Would Phichit be comfortable enough with that? No, Yuuri wouldn’t risk it, not yet.  
 “Stop those brain hamsters,” Phichit ordered. “What is it?”  
 “It’s uhm. Chris wants me to dance. With a friend. Like…” Yuuri scrunched up his face. “He seemed to suggest feeding would be involved with the friend?”  
 Phichit blinked. “Well. In that case. There’s just one thing to do!” Phichit whipped out his phone and opened the clock app, of all things. Yuuri couldn’t quite see what he was checking— it couldn’t be Japan so…  
   
 “No,” Yuuri breathed. “You didn’t.”  
 “You would know this already if you would bother to get an Instagram, skater boy.” Phichit grinned at him before flicking back to his screen.  
 “You aren’t,” Yuuri pleaded.  
 “You know, I’m a little hurt you haven’t bothered to introduce us yet. Chris said he even suggested it to you when we first fought. That was over _two months ago_ Yuuri. Why haven’t we talked?”  
 “I was waiting for him to be in town again?” Yuuri wrung his hands. Hahaha, he was going to wait for an in-person meet to introduce them properly — but he also knew that Chris was unlikely to ever come back to this small city. He was probably booking for larger ones now. “Which unfortunately also lines up with this party? Hahaha — darn. I guess you have to pick?”  
 Phichit looked at him and raised an eyebrow before looking back at his phone. Yuuri’s heart sunk, Phichit was going to call his bluff.  
 “Chris! Hi!” Phichit waved at his phone.  
 “ _I can’t believe you cher,” Chris huffed. “Really? Making **us** do the work?_ ”  
   
 Yuuri let out a weak laugh.  
 “Get over here.” Phichit crooked his finger and Yuuri obeyed, hovering over his shoulder to see Chris’ face on the Skype call. He was dead, he was _so_ dead later.  
 “What happened to no cell phones on the floor?” Yuuri mumbled. Phichit stared at him, horrified.  
 “What happened to ‘I need to meet him’?” Chris raised an eyebrow and leaned on his hand. “I do have to admit— you have impeccable taste.”  
 “A little biased are we?” Phichit’s smile was a tad frosty.  
 “He’s all yours,” Chris affirmed. Yuuri stared harder at the screen. Was that a _blush?_  
 “You found someone!” Yuuri grabbed Phichit’s phone.  
 “Ah. Yes. Quite. I… understand your predicament a little more. We had a similar tiff of our own.” Chris gave a wry smile. “I had to eat my own words.”  
 “Serves you right,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 “Uhm. What?” Phichit looked between the two of them.  
 “I called Chris? When you locked me out?” Yuuri looked at him. “I told you that, didn’t I?”  
 Phichit looked to the ceiling. “Maybe? I’m not sure.”  
 “But, that’s part of why I wanted to hire you… I’m sure you’re just as talented as befo—” The call paused as Phichit _lost it_. Yuuri stared as his boyfriend was practically kneeling on the floor _laughing_. How was that funny? How was it in _any way funny?_ Yuuri knew that he was as talented as a seaslug, but for some reason people liked to look at him as if through the shiny aquarium windows and he _still_ didn’t get it.  
 “Cher, do you care to share?” Chris sighed.  
 “I have _no_ clue.” Yuuri frowned at Phichit.  
 “Oh, Chris, you should know by now,” Phichit paused to laugh some more. “How much Yuuri undersells himself.  
 “Hm, c’est vrai.”  
 “English?” Phichit winced.  
 “Ah. It’s true. Apologies, I forget that’s a language you haven’t touched yet.”  
 “What?” Yuuri glanced at Phichit, then under the register. Were those all _language_ books?  
 Phichit just shrugged. “It’s quiet usually. So I read and learning Japanese was fun? I’ve been documenting my progress on Instagram.”  
 “It’s quite entertaining really.” Chris smiled as his eyes flicked back to Phichit.  
 “Speaking of entertainment…” Yuuri raised an eyebrow.  
 “Ah yes.” Chris straightened slightly. “Apologies we did get derailed. I’m guessing you called in regards to my request? I assure you that my friend won’t overstep any boundaries.”  
 Phichit waved him off. “No, I’m not worried about that. Yuuri just didn’t actually explain what you wanted him to do, and asked for my advice.”  
 Chris raised an eyebrow. “I want him to entertain my friend. There’s… a theory I want to test and… you’re the only one I can think of that may not contaminate the results.”  
 Phichit whistled and looked at Yuuri. Yuuri found that he was paying at lot more attention to Chris now.  
 “You really know how to get to him don’t you?”  
 “Does this friend have a name?” Yuuri demanded.  
 Chris shook his head. “Blind study. Privacy issues. I’ll make sure that you see him. I don’t mind if you entertain the party overall - but at least one dance for him alone.”  
 Yuuri glanced at Phichit who shrugged. “Extra practice for you.”  
 Yuuri scowled, of everyone he hoped that Phichit might have his back. “Just a few things to arrange if he says yes then!” Phichit continued.  
 Chris arched an eyebrow and gestured to go on.  
 “Make sure there’s a pole— a pole dancing pole.” Chris’ eyebrow rose further. “Yuuri’s name is also protected during the party.”  
 What would Yuuri do without Phichit - these were all things he would have fretted about later.  
 Phichit stared into space, Yuuri wondered what went through his brain sometimes.  
 “Arrangements for accommodations too.”  
 “It’s going to be in town,” Chris noted.  
 Phichit waved him off. “I know, Yuuri mentioned that.”  
   
 He looked at Yuuri, a small smile on his face and the tiniest bit of hurt in his eyes. Fuck. Yuuri knew that look and caught his boyfriend’s chin. “No.”  
 Chris’ eyebrows creased. Yuuri held up a finger in his direction, demanding silence. “You will not demean yourself,” Yuuri murmured quietly, hoping that Chris wouldn’t pick it up. Phichit’s eyes dropped to the ground and he nodded. Yuuri removed his hand.  
 “I… am incapable of feeding Yuuri,” Phichit admitted. “Unless he wants curry.” Chris’ lips thinned and he nodded. “I see… but if I may be so bold?” His eyes flicked between Phichit and Yuuri. “I think it would take a lot to take him away from you.”  
 Phichit hummed. “That’s true.” He turned to face Yuuri. “Okay then, repeat after me.” Yuuri raised an eyebrow.  
   
 “If Chris’ friend is Victor Nikiforov I’m free to bang him and Phichit won’t be mad.”  
 Yuuri’s eyes were fixed on Phichit, he saw some type of movement from Chris, but Phichit’s eyes called to him. He swallowed and steeled himself.  
 “If Chris’ friend is Victor Nikiforov, I’m free to bang him if he consents and Phichit won’t be mad,” he whispered.  
 Phichit smiled. “See, I can’t even be mad at you for adding that in! Now!”  
 “No.” Yuuri stopped him right there and gave him a small smile. “I get it Phichit.” He dropped his head onto his shoulder. What did he ever do to deserve him? He wrapped his arms around Phichit’s waist, ignoring Chris’ coo. Phichit wanted him to feel comfortable, even if he had to go to someone besides him. Honestly, Yuuri doubted that anything would even happen at that party. He didn’t tend to get along with Chris’ friends— another reason on the breakup list. Ah, there was something to check.  
   
 “Anyone I know going?” Yuuri rested his head on Phichit’s shoulder.  
 Chris looked up and tilted his head slightly. “Hm. I don’t know. Who in the modelling world do you know besides Victor?”  
 Yuuri shrugged.  
 “ _Yuuri!_ You should at least know Minami! He’s’ from Japan too!”  
 Yuuri gave Phichit a flat stare. “Do I ask if you know every Thai we meet? I’m not _famous_ Phichit, why do you think that I might run in crowds that are?”  
 “Yuuko. Chris.” Phichit listed. “Celestino. Minako… I think that dude that crushed on you in the dance classes is YouTube famous…”  
 Yuuri closed his eyes. Of course. Of course Phichit would have a list just to prove him wrong for the most inane things. Because that was a thing that Phichit did.  
 “Why do you know all this?” He sighed.  
 Phichit stared at him. “Because at some point in my mopey crush I researched Chris and everyone you knew?”  
   
 Yuuri stared at him.  
 Phichit looked down. “Okay, so Yuuko told me most of the names - but still! Actually… how the hell did you meet Chris anyways?”  
 “I wasn’t such a hotshot model then,” Chris smiled. “Mostly smaller jobs and modelling for art classes. It was New Years, I think.”  
 It was. Yuuri felt his face get warm. He could remember the hangover the next day.  
 “We were both drunk and woke up in the same bed naked,” Chris sighed. “Complete blackout for both of us— quite the cop out for a first time fuck no?”  
 Phichit giggled, a higher pitch than normal. Yuuri glanced at him and saw the faint dusting of pink on Phichit’s face. He squeezed him a little, drawing Phichit’s eyes to him and got a little nod in reply. Yuuri relaxed, okay. This was okay.  
 “I don’t know. It may have been horrible.”  
 “Cher, are you saying I couldn’t satisfy you?”  
 “You had a hard enough time sober with a handicap didn’t you?” Yuuri raised an eyebrow. Good lord, if they all got through this without being tomatoes it would be a miracle. But he was determined to not let Chris get away without being embarrassed at some point as well.  
   
 Phichit coughed. “What?”  
 Chris was still a bright pink and looking off camera. “Yuuri has the stamina of an ostrich. He’s… quite insatiable when you get him going.”  
 “Oh,” Phichit whispered and glanced at him.  
 Yuuri shrugged. “It takes a bit for me to get going Phichit. You don’t need to worry. I’ll take care of it myself if it’s easier.”  
 “Oh? This is new?” Chris glanced between the two of them. “I thought that you got together after that fight…”  
 Yuuri shook his head slightly, avoiding knocking into Phichit’s. “Only a month or so. We’ve been roommates for four years though so…” He gave Chris a half shrug.  
 “Well, if you want to come, you’re more than welcome as well,” Chris offered.  
 “Noooope, nope nope. Yuuri needs to get used to his thing.”  
 Phichit was smiling, wasn’t he? Yuuri just knew he probably had his shit eating grin on. “In return for not embarrassing you…”  
 “Nope, you get no say. You didn’t start with that so _you have no leverage_ ,” Yuuri hissed.  
 “Excuse _you_. Need I remind you of the _quality videos—?_ ”  
 Yuuri snatched Phichit’s phone before he could even _finish_ that sentence because _no_. Those were private, and personal and…  
 “Yuuri!” Phichit whined. “Give me back my baby?”  
 “Nope!” His voice sounded a little shrill and he was pretty sure Chris was laughing in the background.  
 “Please? You have to do that _one_ you know? Please. I just want to make a room of supermodels jealous!”  
 Yuuri nibbled at his lip.  
 “Cher. Lip. Out.” Chris scowled.  
 He stopped and nibbled at a nail instead.  
 Chris gave a huff. “No respect for your body. Why don’t you do that dance and I’ll take a video for your beau there? Give him some pride hm?”  
   
 Yuuri paused in nibbling his nail and glanced up at Phichit. He looked like he wanted something… he wanted him to say yes? That dance made Yuuri feel uncomfortable - but he had performed it and someone touched him after.  
 “As long as you make it known people can’t touch me unless I touch them first?” he hesitated. It would let him dance with people.  
 “No grabbing.”  
 Chris nodded. “Hands off the dancer or they pay you double my rate.”  
 Yuuri frowned. “They’re supermodels.”  
 Chris laughed hard. “Cher… this experiment is me going out on a limb… trust me - I’m planning to pay you very well for putting up with my tomfoolery.”  
 There was a small downcast to Chris’ eyes. “I had hoped maybe… well. We’ll see. You’ll think about it with your beau and let me know?”  
 Yuuri glanced up at Phichit, who was now looking oddly hopeful. “No. Send me the details.”


	12. Only If You Want It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The models have a party, and Victor meets someone special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where the fic earns it’s E rating. It’s also one of the _hardest_ chapters I had to write because how to emotion without emotioning in a POV fic? I hope it carried over well and you enjoy it!

 Victor was tired. It was almost a year and he was _tired_ of pretending. If he could at least feel sad - at least that would be something. Instead, everything was dull. He was in a fishbowl looking out. Then there was Chris. Chris found someone, and Victor knew that he was taking up too much of his time. He had to let go. It wasn’t working anymore and Chris deserved to be happy and not worry about him. If he could feel… if he knew… he was pretty sure it’s what he would do. Victor leaned down and rubbed Makkachin, enjoying the feeling of fur through his fingers.  
   
 He would retire after this season. He buried his face in Makka’s fur. He’d make his announcement at the end of season party. Chris had asked him to hold off until after the party at least. That he was calling in that one promise they made before his runes wore off. Victor traced the necklace - he wore it more out of habit. It reminded him, forced him to think before his body acted. He had no right to their happiness. He could spend the fall actually falling into the quiet of winter where death would reign.  
   
 That sounded almost poetic. He didn’t realise that his thoughts _could_ be so poetic.  
 “Let’s go, Makka!” Victor forced a smile onto his face.  
 Chris had talked him into staying for a while - something about meeting old friends and giving Victor a proper introduction. Victor had no idea why he was being dragged around like this - when Chris had promised long ago he wouldn’t - but Chris also had his back for so long that the least he could do is some autographs for some fans. He would be able to last at least until the end of the party without getting too tired, or so he hoped. There were always enough new faces that he could fade into obscurity without too many questions.  
   
 His phone rang and he huffed. Chris was getting a little too good at predicting his moods.  
 “Salut.” He forced cheer into his voice.  
 Chris sighed. “ _You’re out aren’t you?_ ”  
 “I took Makka for a walk!” The forced joy was so second nature to him now.  
 “ _Can you come over to JJ’s so we can talk?_ ”  
 “Oh. JJ’s?” Victor really didn’t want anyone else to know about his condition if he could help it, but JJ was also hosting this year’s party.  
 “ _He already knows._ ”  
 Victor pursed his lips.  
 “ _He’s not blind, Victor. He asked if he could do anything._ ”  
 Victor took a sharp intake. If JJ offered… he gripped his phone tightly. He _couldn’t_.  
 “ _I told him even if he could you’re adamant about friends not helping._ ”  
 “That’s—”  
 “ _A lie. But one he understood. Incubi rarely feed on those close to them according to popular stereotypes after all. Thus all the orgys and blahblah you’ve heard it all already. I didn’t confirm or deny. I just let the stupid stereotypes you’ve fought your entire life do my work for me. Either he understood, or he doesn’t want to push._ ”  
 Victor swallowed. “Thank you.”  
 Chris hummed. Victor frowned. He hadn’t heard Chris hum like that since…  
 “What aren’t you telling me?” Victor demanded.  
 “ _It’s not a good conversation to have over the phone. I’ll tell you everything when you get here. Just… arrangements are made already so don’t try to weasel._ ”  
 “Right. Don’t talk to you now, but you drop hints everywhere.” Victor looked up at the sky. Why did he have such complicated friends?  
 “ _How else will I know you’ll come here?_ ”  
 Victor couldn’t even retort as a click echoed in his ear. He pulled his phone away from his ear and scowled at it. He should just stay out to spite Chris now, but he had to wonder… He whistled and Makkachin turned her adorable head.  
 “Home time.”  
 Makka bounded happily back towards JJ’s apartment. Between the three of them someone usually had a place in the city. It was just the way that the work went and all three of them had keys. Thankfully, Makkachin was still taking kindly to air travel, but he wasn’t sure how long she could. That should make him feel sad. Or worried. Instead he had just the tiny twinge of regret knowing that he should feel those.  
   
 It really wasn’t fair. He kept telling himself that others had it worse— vampires for instance. He shivered at the thought. The possibility that he would be slowly dying instead of just unfeeling and so _tired_ if he was a vampire... He wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold back. It was odd that a succubus like Chris was able to go free for so long, given the typical pairings… A wry smile crossed his lips. Where there’s a vampire there’s a succubus after all. Ah, maybe Chris had lied to him before when he said he had an incubus partner and it was actually a vampire. Although if that was the case, what happened to him now was a problem. What if the surprise was Chris’ departure from modelling due to a vampire pairing? Victor frowned. He would help with that if he could— he didn’t break new ground just for him after all.  
   
 JJ’s apartment came up quickly and he gave JJ and Isabella a small smile as he took off his boots and declined hot chocolate, only inquiring to Chris’ location.  
 He didn’t expect to walk in and see Chris laughing at his phone, only catching the tail end of promising to send details. Details for what?  
 “Chris?”  
 Victor never saw Chris leap out of his skin before— okay he didn’t but it was a very close thing!  
 “Victor! Merde!” Chris’ eyes flicked to his phone again and a look of horror crossed over it for a moment before smoothing over and continuing, slipping into French. “Oh. Well, that does make sense. That call was longer than I thought.”  
 Victor rolled his eyes and replied in their shared language. “What was it about? What was your _hint_ about?” Victor pouted. “That was cruel you know?”  
 Chris eyed him and patted the bed beside him. Victor sighed and plopped onto it before giving him The Stare.  
 “It was actually related to what I wanted to ask you about… or well… tell you.”  
 Victor hummed and tilted his head slightly.  
 “You told me once that if things got back, as a last resort we could see if you could feed off of fans’ devotion.”  
 “No.” Victor shook his head. “No. Chris… I’m done.”  
 “I don’t care,” Chris snapped. “You can walk away still but I’m _not_ going to let you just sit in your apartment all day and decide you have no right to be happy!”  
 There was a knock by Chris’ door and Victor snapped over to see Isabella hesitated by the door.  
 “Uhm. Would you rather we leave?”  
 “Yes,” Chris said, to Victor’s “No.” Fine, he forgot that they also understood French, that it was shared between them. He didn’t want JJ to know, but he knew that Chris would back off then if JJ _stayed_.  
 Isabella glanced between the two of them. “JJ! Aide-moi?”  
 Victor couldn’t see JJ, only hear his sigh and the shattering of glass.  
 “Merde! Isabella! I’m afraid we need more wine. Maybe champagne? Would our friends like some good vodka?”  
 Victor closed his eyes. He hated his friends. He did. No respect _at all_. “Yes.”  
 “Good!” Isabella turned away and sauntered out. “Need to get party supplies while we’re out too! End of the week and all!”  
   
 Heavy silence fell between him and Chris while they scuffled to get their shoes on and keep Makkachin away from the door. It was at least a few minutes after the door closed before Chris started again.  
 “Victor, he doesn’t know you’re going to be here. Just… try at least? Please.”  
 “Why? Chris you don’t understand.” Victor closed his eyes.  
 “No. No I don’t. I can’t understand how it feels to hate feeding. To hate your related emotion. He _does._ ”  
 Victor stared at him horrified. “ _You invited your ex to the party?_ ”  
 Chris held up a finger, a clever smile on his lips. “I _hired_ my ex for the party. The entertainment so to speak. I feel I’ll have to sign a contract, but… I think he’ll brighten up this hellhole nicely.”  
 “We’re in the same town as him.” Victor felt queasy. Why did he feel sick? He laid down on the bed. “You are trying to match make me.”  
 “No. I’m trying to make it so I can knock some sense in you but I’m not sure it’ll work. You’ll try?”  
 Victor looked over at him. Chris reached out to his ex. Chris was planning to _pay_ his ex— and Chris never did anything by halves.  
 “If it works I’m not hearing the end of it am I?”  
 “No,” Chris agreed. “No you aren’t. But a bit of advice for the party?”  
 Victor looked over at him, Chris’ eyes were bright, feverish almost.  
 “Let loose for once. Trust us, we won’t let you get hurt.”  
   
 Victor dreaded the end of the week, and now it was here. There were _people_ all around him congratulating him on another successful season, not knowing that he was entirely planning for it to be his last. He kept glancing towards Chris’ room. They had all been kicked out earlier in the day for ‘privacy reasons’. Victor still had no idea what that meant, since Chris’ boyfriend was still overseas as far as he was aware. Also, Chris’ ‘entertainment’ had yet to show up and people were starting to talk about it— and Chris’ absence. He kept getting sidetracked in defending his friend’s honour and wondered _what the hell_ he was doing. He also caught JJ looking towards the door every now and then, and felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one looking out for Chris. Chris would have support even when Victor stopped working.  
   
 He paused in his thoughts as the music was silenced and lights moderately dimmed. Clapping began to fill the room and— wait when did Chris’ door open?  
 Then his eyes were drawn back to the mini stage outline that JJ had set up. Chris had oddly specific dimensions to it and rules for the party had been pasted to every area around it. All of them basically ‘no touching unless you’re touched’, which felt a little odd for someone Chris had hired. Until Victor saw who sashayed onto the stage.  
   
 His first thought when the music started was that the clothing was odd for the dancer. Then the music started and _oh it made sense_. Also _shit Chris had a dancer for an ex_. And not just a dancer, a _dancer_. Victor didn’t even need the music, the dancer was able to create a music with their body— his body he amended as he turned. There was a slight smirk on his face as his eyes found Victor’s.  
   
 Victor’s heart pounded and his eyes never left even as the dancer twined around the pole.  
 “Magnifique,” Chris sighed beside him.  
 “Chris,” Victor whined. “What’s his name?”  
 Chris laughed, he was probably smiling but Victor didn’t want to take his eyes off. “Ask him.”  
 “Chris!”  
 “He told me not to tell, I can’t. You’ll have to ask him to get it.” There was a murmuring around them and a few tsks. Victor saw a few people lining the stage area, and he _knew_ they were thinking about breaking the rules. Breaking the rules that would probably destroy this dancer.  
 “Does he perform professionally?” A whine came out of Victor’s throat.  
 Chris hummed. “I’ve been told he’ll be competing for the first time this year - pole dancing.”  
 “Impossible!” Someone scoffed. “You can’t dance like _that_ and not have been a professional!”  
   
 Victor let out a quiet sigh as the dancer’s eyes left him to snap to the speaker before looking back and twining around the pole. Chris really wouldn’t let…  
   
 Victor’s eyes went wide as the dancer left the stage, parting the sea of spectators, his eyes focused and Victor was _frozen_.  
   
 Chris smacked him and Victor _breathed_. He had sin itself dancing in front of him, luring him in with smoky blue eyeshadow. He almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it would look on anyone else, but it matched the flamboyance of the entire outfit. His mouth went dry as the strange layers of the costume came off, strip by strip. The man was truly the Devil now, enticing them all to dance. All but Victor who found himself enraptured, called by…  
   
 He gasped, reeling back slightly. He closed his eyes for a moment, dread filling him. He had been _feeding_ and feeding without permission. He clenched his hands into fists, staring down at them as he drew back. The man deserved all his happiness, and it wasn’t Victor’s to share.  
   
 Victor started as a single finger drew his gaze up into a bewitching smile. Blue-eyeshadow was in front of him now. _He_ was the focus of those eyes. There was a small flicker of concern to them as the other hand dropped to his own.  
 “Dance with me?” he purred.  
 Victor was bewitched and let himself be guided, drawn into those brilliant brown eyes.  
 “ _Let loose for once. Trust us, we won’t let you get hurt._ ”  
   
 Victor took a leap of faith in Chris, in all his friends here and let himself fall, hungry for _anything_. He let his hands fall to hover above the dancer’s waist.  
   
 The man huffed and jerked Victor forward. Victor barely caught himself by planting his hands firmly on the dancer’s ass. He opened his mouth to apologise and was caught by the smirk on the other’s face.  
 “Better,” he purred.  
 Victor stared hungrily at his lips and licked his own. “What can I call you?”  
 The dancer’s hands traced patterns along his lower back, encouraging him to match the beat with him.  
 “For now…” The lids dropped low and Victor swore his heart missed a beat. “Eros.”  
 “Eros,” Victor rolled the name on his tongue.  
 Eros licked his lips and smiled. “That’s my name.” His voice coiled around Victor, drawing him even closer.  
   
 Just when he thought they were close enough to kiss, the music changed and Eros spun him out with a grin that made Victor so weak in the knees. There were whistles around him, but he couldn’t care when for the first time in _years_ , joy bubbled up inside him.  
   
 It was almost too much. He could _feel_ , and it felt like so much now. He was happy, he was angry. He was sad.  
 “Sh, I’ve got you,” Eros whispered as he drew him back in for a closer, sensual dance. “I’ve got you, you’re fine. We’re at a party. An end of year party. You’re dancing with me. How do I make you feel?”  
 Victor almost choked. He _cared_ he _cared_ about him. What did he ever do to deserve this? He could still feel the raging, blinding devotion engulfing him, the utter _care_ towards him. Was this actually how a fan could feel? Did Chris lie to him?  
 “I…” he did choke a little. “Confused.”  
   
 Eros nodded and smiled and dear _God he was dead_ and that was the only explanation for this. That smile belonged on the face of an angel. He was dancing with a goddamned angel and his hands were caressing said angel’s back. Okay, he did get to feel his ass earlier but he had self-restraint.  
   
 The music slowed and Eros took a step back to smile at the crowd with a little bow. There was a smattering of applause, more than a few wolf whistles. Victor could see a faint blush on Eros’ face. How was it possible for him to feel _so much_ now? The dancer glanced back at him, his teeth worrying at his lip.  
 “Uhm. Chris said that I could stay after the performance… I can go if you prefer though?”  
 “I…” Victor had no idea what to say.  
 “Take that boy to your room, Victor!” Isabella hollered. She was met by cheers and Victor _knew_ his face had to be beet red now.  
 “I… wouldn’t mind. We can talk at least?” Eros batted his eyes.  
   
 Victor nodded and Eros’ hand was in his as they went to his room among hoots and hollers - most of which he didn’t pay attention to. Eros’ hand was _warm_ and his brain was just tingling from _everything_. He loved Chris. He loved Makka. He loved JJ. He even loved that prickly new succubus that was still overseas. But he was _sad too_. He barely heard the door close and lock behind him, only the feeling of _hands_ on his face and those beautiful eyes staring at him.  
 “It’s okay… you’re feeling a lot now… it’s okay…” Eros cooed. “You’re safe now.”  
 Victor almost cried and drew the body close to him, tears falling from his eyes. Even now, his mind and the necklace were greedily grabbing up Eros’ feelings, his pure love. He barely paid attention as he drew Eros’ face down to kiss him, only realising what happened when Eros jerked away.  
   
 “I. Sorry. You’re still feeding?”  
 Victor nodded, tears still streaming down his face.  
 Eros gave him a small smile and led them to the bed, sitting Victor down on it and _oh_.  
 Eros’ lips pressed against his own, tentative little pecks, so wary. He almost gave a little laugh at how birdlike this little devil was. He drew Eros closer, causing them both to fall onto the bed with a little squeak.  
 “Victor,” Eros’ voice was able to break through some of the haze of emotion. “Victor, what do you want? I don’t want to…”  
 “You don’t want me?” Victor had no idea why his voice cracked quite like that.  
 “Victor,” Eros scolded. “You’re still in the midst of feeding. How far do you want this to go? It’s been a long time for you…”  
 Victor nodded, just resting his head against Eros’ shoulder for a moment. He was right - he needed to take a moment - or several.  
 “Necklace,” he murmured. It wouldn’t be fully charged, but it wouldn’t matter. There was an angel here to help him now. It would just slow the process while they both competed during his feed.  
   
 Eros’ hands fumbled with the clasp and he could see the hesitation, the realisation of what it was before Eros gave a little laugh.  
 Victor frowned, his eyebrows drew together. Eros shook his head and held out a hand to Victor.  
 “Take it off, please?”  
 Victor was still annoyed as his eyes dropped to the wrist offered. He grabbed it, fiddling for a few moments with the more complicated clasps before it came apart.  
 Oh.  
   
 Oh.  
 This was like his necklace - but less well hidden. He looked up into Eros’ eyes. Oh. This was _that_ ex. The one that Chris still sighed about. Victor’s jaw dropped slightly.  
 “You…?”  
 Eros didn’t say a word, but only guided one of Victor’s hands up to his hair, where it settled among the gelled strands… and the short horns. Horns like his own.  
   
 Eros let out a quiet moan and Victor’s stomach lurched— he knew how sensitive his own scalp was around his horns and for Eros to just… Was it too soon to feel love towards him? Chris talked about him plenty, but this was the first time that they _met_. Then Eros’ eyes fluttered and he _smiled_ and Victor decided that yes he could at least decide that he was _very_ infatuated right now. And that was joyful. He traced Eros’ scalp more, avoiding the horns for the most part.  
   
 “What would you like from me, Victor?” Eros asked.  
 Victor froze. Oh, Chris wouldn’t. His tongue stuck for a bit, working out some way to spit out the thoughts that just occurred to him.  
 “What did Chris pay you for?” he asked carefully.  
 Eros tilted his head slightly. “One dance and a dance with you. I cheated a little— I should probably go out again but… you were overwhelmed. I didn’t think… I’m sorry.”  
 Victor shook his head. “I… I think I was done when you walked in the room,” he admitted.  
 Eros smiled. “We can go as far as you like. I think you’re coming down a little now.”  
   
 It did feel better than outside, when everything was screaming at him. Now, there was just Eros in front of him. Wonderful Eros.  
 “This… this is a first for me,” Victor licked his lips.  
 Eros flushed. “Uhm. Chris mentioned that might be the case. I think he stuffed five packets down my shorts?”  
 Victor raised an eyebrow. “Wait. Mentioned what?”  
 “That…” Eros bit his lip. “Well. It wasn’t quite like that.” Eros grasped both of his hands. Was that a hint of redness under his makeup? “He said that he was worried because you were like me. I… I still struggle with it too.”  
   
 Victor’s heart leapt to his mouth. Another incubi like him? One that hated their emotion or one that fed on devotion? He didn’t understand.  
 “I… I don’t think I mind where this might go,” he admitted. “I want to know you better but also…”  
 There was definitely a flush on Eros’ face now as he licked his lips. “Well… I found that sex usually helps bring the high down faster.”  
   
 Oh. Oh. Victor’s face was red now. That’s what Eros meant, and he was still trying to help.  
 “I only want what you want,” he stared at him.  
 Eros smiled. “Well…”  
 Victor’s heart sped up as Eros’ lips hovered over his own.  
 “Let’s see where it goes then. If you want to stop, I will.”  
   
 It was so different from the light kisses of before. Victor moaned as Eros’ tongue licked his lips, then into his mouth. He’d had his fair share of flings but there was a difference here. He grasped at Eros’ shoulders, the thin spandex there that just _slid_ off like that. Victor barely wondered how it stayed on for the entire performance then before his hands clenched at Eros’ shoulders to bring them closer.  
   
 He whined at the press of Eros’ body to his own. It was so much, it was not enough. When a leg hooked around him and pressed them closer though— that was _perfect_. He only noticed the feel of Eros’ hands under his shirt as light kisses peppered his neck. He whimpered and Eros made a quiet moan as Victor’s hands made their way to his hair. Victor barely noticed rolling over and when he pressed his own lips against Eros’ skin, the music of his whines matched the press of their bodies together. God, when was it last that he _wanted_ so much? Victor paused for a moment to just press a kiss to Eros’ forehead. What did he ever do to deserve this?  
   
 He gasped at the roll of Eros’ hips to meet his own and opened his eyes to see the devilish smirk and angelic eyes.  
 “Take off my shirt.”  
 Victor frowned as he traced Eros’ waist, not finding a break in the fabric. God, he was a model. Putting on and taking off clothes should be his specialty. Eros gave a small laugh and sat up, guiding one of Victor’s hands to his back, where he felt the hidden zipper.  
 “Why don’t they make these easy to get off,” Victor complained.  
 Eros pressed his forehead to Victor’s chest and laughed. Victor could feel the breeze brushing against his chest as Eros undid his shirt buttons. The difference, of course was that it seemed that Eros was wearing a single piece - for all that the rest of his costume was elaborate. There was only an extra band around him under his boxers. Victor traced it, slightly confused.  
   
 Eros laughed. “It’s a dancers belt,” he explained in between pecks on Victor’s shoulder. “It’s more comfortable and AH!” Eros arched as Victors lips traced his skin just over the waist line.  
 “ _Victor!_ ”  
 Victor smiled. It sounded like Eros wanted to be irritated but was far too turned on by that.  
 “Yes?” He glanced up at Eros. Eros just pouted at him - and oh my god it was too cute he thought he was going to explode.  
   
 Then Eros’ lips were on his again and he was back below him and in utter _bliss_. Eros’ hands slipped to his waist and started to slide down his pants. Thank _god_ he didn’t wear a belt or buttoned pants today— oddly casual for him. He had planned it to be his final ‘fuck you’ but it was probably his best decision of the day.  
 Victor let his own hands slide under the elastic and was surprised to meet flesh.  
 Eros laughed— Victor supposed he could forgive him. His face must have painted quite the picture.  
 Eros peppered his face with more kisses. “Its… basically. A. Thong.”  
   
 “Oh,” Victor murmured and kneaded the flesh. He had a new respect for dancers now.  
 “Can you take it off?” Eros whispered. Victor eyed him, he wasn’t sure if that was mischief in his eyes, but how could he deny him? Especially since Eros mentioned Chris hiding the goods in them. With much displeasure he lifted slightly so that he could worm his hands under both sets of underwear and gently pull them down.  
   
  _God_ Eros was gorgeous. Victor took a moment to admire the body below him, in his bed. With random condoms and packets of lube spread around him. There was a small flush to his face, and Victor found himself wondering how much was hidden by the makeup. He traced Eros’ face, those brown eyes going wide.  
 “Can I take it off?” Victor whispered.  
 Eros smiled coyly. “I don’t know, _can_ you?”  
 “Well,” Victor sat up. “It _is_ top of the line makeup remover, you won’t be able to go back to your old one.”  
 Eros laughed, his hand tracing circles around Victor’s hips. “Well then, it’s a good thing this isn’t normal for me.”  
 “Oh? Which part?”  
 “All of it?” Eros turned his head away and bit his lip. “The dancing…this… but I’m glad Chris called in his favour for this.”  
   
 Oh. Victor felt his heart crumble into pieces. Eros didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to do this. Sorrow engulfed him like the tide.  
 “It’s been a lot of fun even if he had to talk me down at the— Victor… what’s wrong? You’re crying.” Eros’ eyes were on his face, a hand pausing for a moment before reaching up to caress his cheek. Oh. He was crying.  
 “Just… You don’t want to be here?”  
 “Oh. Victor. No.” Eros smiled. “Chris used his favour to make sure I stayed long enough to actually meet you. A bit of a waste for him really. I’m here because I _enjoy_ your company.”  
 “How?” Victor looked at him puzzled.  
   
 Eros quirked a smile. “I did say we were similar. I do enjoy this from time to time, he just had to talk me into… _you._ ”  
 Victor frowned. “Why is me a problem?”  
 “You know they say to never meet your idols.” Eros raised a brow. “I was terrified of what might happen if I ever _met_ you. But… I could tell you weren’t really enjoying things anymore.” Eros’ hand moving up and down his arm was nice. Victor cupped the hand that was still on his cheek, wiping away tears that were still somehow rolling down his cheek.  
   
 “Thank you…” he murmured. Victor gave a small smile and finally stood up, reluctantly parting from Eros’ touch to go get the makeup remover. Unfortunately it required some digging— Victor had dressed down and this was one of the unfortunate side effects. He turned around and wasn’t sure it was unfortunate anymore. Eros’ eyes were raking up and down his body. Eros eventually noticed his stillness and looked up to meet his eyes. “Take off your pants.”  
   
 Victor smiled and sauntered back over, straddling Eros. He leaned in close by his ear to whisper. “Why don’t you take them off for me?” He could feel the energy shift back to interest as Eros’ hands shifted back to his waist, trailing up and down his sides while Victor carefully grabbed his chin.  
   
 “Close your eyes,” he murmured. His heart thudded as the smoky blue faced him and Victor slowly applied his remover.  
 “Am I going to have to wash this off?” Eros murmured. Victor felt a little cooler as his waistband dropped to his knees and he hissed at Eros’ hands on his inner thighs, creeping closer and closer.  
 “Usually,” Victor rasped. “I usually just do a wipe down at night and a full clean in the morning.”  
 “I see. Are you asking me to stay the night?” A wicked grin flitted across Eros’ face.  
   
 “Only if you want to,” Victor replied, oddly focused in his task. Getting makeup in your eyes _hurt_ and Eros had a fair amount on that he had to remove. “I can always arrange for a ride back if—”  
 “Victor, I’m willing to bet that Chris made his calls to arrange my overnight stay when I came back to your room,” Eros huffed. “There’s a reason my phone’s in his room and I came _early._ ”  
 Victor hummed as he started to delicately wipe. “I thought that was so he could blackmail you.”  
 “Well. Maybe. But we had actual preparations to make too. He needed to know what the stripper pole was for, the music… the best area so people would keep their hands off me.”  
 “Are people usually so…”  
 “Handsy? No… but in a place I don’t know I’d rather stop it before it starts.”  
 Victor hummed and sat back to see if he missed any spots. Eros’ eyes did seem a little swollen— perhaps the argument with Chris was worse than he thought.  
 “Is it true you have a competition coming up?” Victor tapped Eros’ cheek and he opened his eyes. Ah. He looked so different, but still _Eros_. Was that a stage name he wondered? He didn’t want to ask. This might be a one night thing— as much as it might hurt him to think of it.  
 “Maaaybe,” Eros purred.  
 Victor raised an eyebrow. Eros leaned up. “Why don’t you _convince_ me to give it to you?”  
   
 Victor blushed. What the hell? He _never_ blushed. Unless it was by command. How could someone just get _under_ his skin like this?  
 Victor hummed and let his hands drift over Eros’ chest and tease a little lower each time. The lightness in the room began to fade and filled with… something else. It was want, but… not. Victor didn’t really want to figure that out either, not when Eros’ hands were drifting closer to where he wanted them.  
   
 In the end, Victor arrived to the goal first, his hands ghosting lightly over Eros’ dick, lightly fondling it amid his gasps and the clench of his hands.  
 “Such a tease, Eros,” he murmured. His eyes darted over to one of the foil wrappers. “However could I convince you to part with such darling information?”  
 Eros whined. Victor frowned, a little disappointed that Eros’ eyes were squeezed shut.  
 “How about… if I impress you tonight, you can choose to tell me in the morning?” Victor was half thinking as he opened one of the packets, rolling it over with an old ease as he let his tongue flick at the tip.  
   
 He definitely didn’t expect Eros’ yelp or the sudden bucking into his mouth as a deepthroat.  
 Victor coughed as Eros apologised.  
   
 At some point, Victor ended up under Eros, his eyes staring in concern and hands hovering by his chest.  
 “Wow~ I guess you liked that.”  
 Wow. Okay, it was official, Eros was not flushed before— _this_ was flushed.  
 “I… yes. Yes. I’m sorry.”  
 Victor gave a watery smile. “Well. I suppose we’ll just have to try again.”  
 Eros’ eyes went wide as Victor flipped them back over and grinned before pinning Eros’ hips to the bed and giving his member one long lick.  
   
 There was another quiet yelp and Eros gripped the sheets tightly as Victor laved his attention. He barely listened to the protests of ‘this is for _you_ not _me_.’ And everything similar. It wasn’t no, or stop, or anything else. Somehow, this was actually making Victor even more excited.  
   
 Although nothing quite beat when Eros’ hands finally found their way to his hair and he took barely a moment to come up.  
 “You can touch them,” he murmured.  
 Eros hesitated. “You hate people touching them.”  
 Right, Eros was a fan. Fans read interviews.  
 “ _You_ can touch them. For tonight. Unless I ask you to stop?” There must have been something in Victor’s eyes because then Eros’ hands were _caressing_ his horns and Victor had to close his eyes in bliss. His nose was by Eros’ dick, and he could smell the simple soap that he must use.  
   
 “Victor, Victor…” the hands paused and Victor barely shifted to look why they stopped.  
 “What do you want?” Eros asked.  
 Victor just gave a small lick, making Eros twitch a little again. “Just take care of you.”  
 Eros huffed. “I’ll be fine— I’ll be going for a while. I…”  
 Victor blinked and tried to pull his attention closer to Eros.  
 “I have monster stamina? According to… well… everyone.”  
 Oh. A smile bloomed across Victor’s face. “So… you’re saying I should take care of you _all night._ ”  
 There was that beautiful flush. “I would rather bring your… levels down first and then… we have all night,” Eros confirmed. Victor could admit that he had a point. His emotions were swinging so wildly still when they did shift.  
   
 “Well then. What would you like to try? Is there anything you have in mind?” Victor purred. “I’ve tried _several_ before. I’d rather do something new for you.” The flush didn’t fade from Eros as he glanced over to the packets and grabbed one of the lube ones.  
 “I wondered what it might feel like… since I do so much dance… the difference between well.”  
 Victor tilted his head. He had _no idea_ what Eros was on about.  
 Eros let out a little sigh, closed his eyes and opened them again and blurted. “Would you fuck my thighs?”  
 Victor’s smile radiated as he grabbed the packet. “I would be glad to.” He helped lever Eros up to a kneeling position.  
   
 He took his time to explore the muscles that developed there. Victor kept his own body somewhat fit for his job— but this was different. Eros’ body radiated strength and he couldn’t stop himself from licking a small trail up one of his thighs, watching them bunch and relax before he applied the lube.  
   
 Then Eros’ hand was on his own cock and _wow_. Victor whimpered and clutched at Eros’ shoulders to stay upright. He barely even minded the feel of the condom and the last trailing touch before Eros drew him in for another mind melting kiss.  
   
 He couldn’t get tired of this. How could he ever give this up again? Victor’s hand reached through Eros’ hair— remembering a moment too late he still had lube on it. They parted slowly, reluctantly.  
 “If…” Victor cleared his throat to try and regain speech. “If I go behind you… I can reach around.  
 “Oh,” Eros breathed. “Yes.”  
   
 It was barely a moment of reshuffling before both of their moans echoed through his room. Victor didn’t know what he enjoyed more, the heavy feeling of Eros’ cock in his hand, or the slide of his own through the most magnificent thighs he’d ever seen.  
 “Eros,” he whined at the pace. Eros had been keeping him close too, his hands barely leaving his hair, and the light caresses on his horns were bringing him close far faster than he thought possible.  
 “All. Night.” Eros whispered. Victor clutched at Eros. And leaned over him, gasping, a smile on his face.  
 “Round one?”  
 Eros bent his head to kiss him properly. “Round one. I’m sure you’ll be fine after round three, maybe by then we’ll both have one each.  
 “Eros,” Victor whined, but the largest smile bloomed. He was happy, so happy and he would be able to see the man that brought it to him in the morning too.  
   
 There was no way that this night wouldn’t be one to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aide-moi – Help me  
> Isabella and JJ – hidden MVPs of the chapter.


	13. Just a Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has more details about that past non-con incident. If you want to avoid it, but nothing explicit.
> 
> Also from this point on - all mistakes are my own.

 Yuuri was thrown from his sleep. He wasn’t sure what was wrong, just that _something_ was. There was a warm body next to him, and the warmth from a familiar feeding. Right, he stayed with Victor last night. That wasn’t the wrongness he was feeling though, even as he Victor nosed at his shoulder.  
   
 “Up!” Someone threw a blanket on them, followed by something heavy.  
 Chris. It was the pounding of feet that he woke him up. Yuuri groaned, would Chris never get tired of these antics?  
 “Normally I would let you sleep in Cher, but I’m afraid there’s a problem…”  
   
 Now Yuuri was wide awake and sitting up, to Victor’s protests. A quick glance showed Victor covering his head with a pillow.  
 “What?”  
 Chris pointed to the blanket. The heavy thing had been Yuuri’s phone.  
 Yuuri went white at his notifications. No. No. This wasn’t possible. They had been careful! Chris had promised!  
 “Someone snuck out it seems— so it’s not the best… but it’s enough,” Chris murmured. “Especially attached to Victor’s name.”  
 Yuuri felt the bed shift as Victor sat up, peering at the screen.  
 “What is it?”  
 “A video.” Yuuri whispered as he unlocked his phone. He would call Phichit later, now seemed just… inappropriate. “I knew stories but… there wasn’t supposed to be _media_ of me.”  
 “I’m sorry. I went after the poster and filed a takedown but…”  
 Yuuri nodded, staring at the views. The dance was _last night_. With the number of views… there would be no removing it at this point. He couldn’t _breathe_. He had Nationals coming up— Celestino assured him after their video that Yuuri had qualified for _several_ competitions. He may have blown it. He had to call the studio and see if they would still help sponsor him for his competition fees after this. Phichit would be mad that it wasn’t his video because Yuuri never let him upload it. He would have to explain what happened.  
   
 A kiss broke his train of thought and he yanked back.  
 “ _What are you doing?_ ” He hissed at Victor.  
 “I… I just thought…”  
 “Thought that kissing me would _make_ this go away?”  
 “Cher… you weren’t breathing,” Chris broke in. “You didn’t hear me.”  
 Yuuri leaned against his knees. “I… I need to go home,” his voice broke.  
 “Food?” Victor offered, sliding out on the other side of the bed. Yuuri felt a little sorry for shoving him away, but not much. He hesitated for a moment, eyes flicking between Chris, Victor, and his phone.  
 “I…”  
 “Cher, take time to at least calm down with us?”  
 Yuuri looked up blankly at Chris. “Which us?”  
 “JJ, Isabella, Victor, and I of course!”  
 Chaperones were good… he guessed. He wavered between potential free food, and getting his social media guru boyfriend to help him salvage the situation before it exploded beyond control.  
 “I…” Yuuri bit his lip. “Let me message Phichit?”  
 Chris waved his phone at him and winked. “Done already. He’s working on possible plans for you and says he has a treat when you get home.”  
 Yuuri frowned and held out his hand. He trusted Chris to an extent, but given his numerous successful attempts to get Yuuri to do something he was reluctant to… Chris plopped the phone into Yuuri’s hand, the Skype conversation was indeed with Phichit, with no modified texts. He let out a sigh and deflated. “Okay.” He was going to regret this so much later.  
   
 Letting a band of supermodels treat him to breakfast was both wonderful and terrifying. Thankfully, Chris had been rather insistent to the restaurant that they be seated in a private area, and requested alone time due to business discussions. Which, Yuuri supposed might be true depending on what those four decided to talk about.  
   
 Seeing JJ constantly looking at Victor like that was odd though, Yuuri swore that the woman on his arm was his girlfriend, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact she met Yuuri’s eye one point when he had glanced over at them and _winked_ at him!  
   
 Victor was… well. More lively than before. He kept stopping by dogs and cooing and petting them to the laughter of their owners, and the utter glee of some others that would ask for pictures. Chris was watching him wistfully, whereas… well Yuuri couldn’t quite read JJ. He was _infinitely_ more comfortable when Isabella sat next to him, and Chris across.  
 “Let our dancer have some space, Vitya,” Isabella soothed. “You don’t need to stay plastered to him like that.”  
 Yuuri turned a slight shade of red. He didn’t necessarily mind but… he had Phichit as well. Phichit… Yuuri had to wonder what possible surprise that he was cooking up for him. Hopefully it wasn’t another apartment full of smoke. Although, that only happened once.  
 “You know, we do actually expect you to eat,” Chris pointed out.  
 Yuuri snapped back and looked guiltily at his menu.  
 JJ laughed. “Well, after a night like that anyone’s head would be in the clouds. I’ve… never seen Victor like this.”  
 Yuuri snuck a glance at Victor. The necklace was back in place— Yuuri couldn’t even imagine how much that thing must have cost him. When his parents offered to get Yuuri one when he was accepted to school overseas he almost cried. Okay, he did cry and Mari was nice enough not to call him a crybaby for once. ‘If only to stop you from commenting on my sex life,’ she had said. A smile twitched over his face in memory.  
 “That good, hm?” Isabella teased from his other side. Yuuri snapped himself out of the memory and blushed before meeting eyes with a concerned Chris. His phone buzzed and he glanced down to see a message from him.  
  _Chris: has anything changed?_  
 Yuuri’s brow creased and he glanced up before typing out his own message.  
  _Yuuri: I was remembering when I got my Auto-runer and Mari said I could keep my nose out of her sex life._  
 Chris snorted and set his phone to the side, and engaged Victor across from him. Yuuri took the opportunity to glance at the menu  
 “Speaking of, I know Chris knows you… but may we get your name?” Isabella asked.  
 Yuuri froze, his eyes flicked from Chris to her. Chris only shrugged - great help he was.  
 “Uhm…” he couldn't shake the feeling of thousands of eyes upon him. What would Phichit do? Well. Phichit's decision might change upon trust... he trusted Chris. Yuuri blinked. Maybe that was his answer. He _trusted_ Chris, but using him to make Victor feel better... forcing their meeting when Yuuri said he didn't want to months ago. It had been years since he actually saw Chris. They were different people now.  
 "I'd rather not," Yuuri whispered, eyes fixed on the table.  
 "No worries," Isabella patted his hand. "Just an opening if you wanted one. You don't owe us anything."  
 Relief spread through Yuuri. He didn't even realise he _was_ worried about that until she said it. He didn't owe them anything.  
 "In fact we owe you breakfast at the every least. Right darling?"  
  Yuuri looked up in surprise, catching JJ's nod.  
 "Why?"  
  "The video," Chris shrugged.  
 "Victor," JJ added. Yuuri looked between them, baffled. How did Victor play into this? Surely there were plenty of people that would be willing to feed Victor. He oozed sexual confidence compared to the persona Yuuri had to mask himself with. He opened his mouth to say so, but glanced down as his phone buzzed.  
   
  _Phichit: Can I post that video now? Please? It might help. Been talking to Ciao Ciao. Enjoy breakfast <3_  
   
 Yuuri huffed and typed out an affirmative. If there was going to be _that_ video posted and viral, there might as well be a good copy at least.  
  _Phichit: Let Chris know. They can help circulate it. Surprise still waiting for you when you get home <3_  
 The hearts put Yuuri into a better mood. He glanced up at Chris.  
 “Phichit’s going to post a better video. I’m guessing he’ll send you the link?”  
 Chris nodded. “I’ll make sure it gets reblogged, retweeted... the works.”  
 “I don’t understand,” Victor tilted his head slightly.  
 Yuuri flushed and fidgeted under the table, his eyes glazing over the menu. “I… that first dance was a variation of one I did for someone… he recorded the first run. It’s probably a better video than the one that got posted since Chris was supposed to make sure no one was recording.” Yuuri winced inwardly at the slight bitterness that coloured his voice. Chris simply returned a quiet smile that made Yuuri want to run for the hills.  
 “We’ll handle it, Yuuri.”  
 Yuuri was glad Chris avoided ‘don’t worry’. “Yes… well… you know me…”  
 “Not really actually.” JJ leaned forward. Yuuri froze and made eye contact. “I mean. How the hell did you two meet in the first place?”  
 Oh. That… that wasn’t what Yuuri expected to happen.  
 “I mean, Chris says it was the most romantic way possible, but that’s Chris, and I maintain that _no one_ has met love like when I met Isabella.”  
   
 Yuuri laughed. Chris considered their meeting romantic? It took a few minutes— the waitress came by for the order and he _thought_ Isabella ordered something for him, but he couldn’t catch his breath long enough to actually hear what she ordered.  
 “It wasn’t that bad,” Chris pouted as Yuuri’s laughter began to fade.  
 “That was _the_ scariest night of my life, Chris.” Yuuri wiped away a tear. For that story, he actually wouldn’t mind talking about how they met.  
 “The after part is what was romantic,” Chris protested.  
 Yuuri raised an eyebrow. “Which part? Because I only remember the hangover breakfast _you_ bought and me screaming my lungs out on the bathroom floor.”  
   
 Silence fell across the table.  
 “What did you _do?_ ” Victor looked wide-eyed across the table.  
 Yuuri took a gulp from his water. “We got drunk at a New Years party and woke up naked in the same bed.”  
 Victor’s face went white and Yuuri felt Isabella sway a little. He hesitated for a moment before patting her hand.  
 “There were a few extenuating circumstances that led to it as well. Chris stayed until I was uhm… capable of talking. We discussed what happened, agreed to both get tested just in case and agree to not repeat the same mistake.”  
 “Which is how I got your number. You’re still so oblivious too.”  
 Yuuri flushed. “N-not necessarily! I just… I don’t go looking.” Yuuri buried his head in his hands and groaned. “Is it so bad to consider that maybe I didn’t want to consider my love life while I was studying?”  
 “Then consider me extra flattered.”  
 JJ held up his hands. “Wait. Wait. You two _dated?_ ”  
 “Two years,” Victor added.  
 Yuuri stared at him aghast. _How?_ He looked back at Chris and squeaked. “You _talk_ about me?”  
 “Plenty, cher.” Chris winked. “Usually in decent company.”  
 Victor hummed and nodded. “Especially when— ow!”  
 Chris had that small smile on again, Yuuri could see it through his fingers. This time though, he was looking at Victor.  
 “And I suppose this is decent company?” Yuuri broke the tension.  
 JJ laughed. “The best! The three musketeers!”  
 Victor rolled his eyes at JJ and smiled. Yuuri thought that his heart was done with its flips, but clearly it wasn’t quite done making a fool out of him yet. He was quite grateful for the distance that Chris and Isabella gave him. It helped with the pit of guilt he still felt, even after Phichit gave him the go ahead to have sex with Victor.  
   
 He tapped at his phone, wondering if he should let Phichit know or not.  
 “Oh! Eros!” Victor leaned across the table, pouting a little when he had to lean back when food arrived. Yuuri hugged Isabella when he saw his meal. It was a decent size, heaped with eggs and all the lovely meats. Things he would feel guilty ordering himself, but were perfectly fine if someone else ordered for him.  
 “We always do this” Isabella whispered to him. “If we order for each other we don’t feel as bad for what we eat.”  
 “Oh. Is… I suppose it’s hard for you.”  
 Isabella shrugged. “I avoid the magazines that try to tell me I’m not thin enough. I go with JJ to the gym and that’s fine.” She smiled and patted his hand again.  
   
 “Eros! I was trying to say.” Victor paused to put some food in his mouth. Yuuri pondered taking a photo for picture proof for Phichit that Victor eating was as adorable as Houdini stuffing his cheeks with carrot.  
 “How often do you do things like that?”  
 Yuuri almost choked on his breakfast.  
 Isabella sighed and patted him hard on the back. “C’est vrai encore.”  
 “Someone always chokes when we go for breakfast,” Chris explained. His eyes were still on Victor, and if Yuuri didn’t know better— Chris seemed nervous. But there was no reason for him to be.  
   
 “Dancing or uhm. Staying the night?” Yuuri managed to get out without turning into a tomato.  
 “Both?”  
 “Dancing I’ve done since I was small, but it’s been… at least ten years or so since I performed for a crowd like that. Unless you’re counting the studio recitals in which case it’s only been a month or two? The other is… not since Chris? My boyfriend is asexual, well acespec so—” Yuuri stopped when Victor’s fork clattered to the plate. He glanced up at him. But Victor wasn’t looking at him, he was looking at Chris.  
 “Victor…” Chris warned.  
 Victor bit his lip and got up, walking quickly out of the restaurant and Chris close to his heels.  
 Yuuri glanced at JJ and Isabella. “What happened?”  
 JJ shook his head. “I don’t know.” He glanced back towards them and Yuuri could only catch bits of the raised voices in French. He picked up some French from Chris, but not that much.  
   
 But he did know that when Victor almost flew out of the restaurant, tears were tracking down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C’est vrai encore – It’s true again


	14. Please Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit helps Yuuri with the aftermath of the party and gives him a little surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attack occurrence at the beginning of this chapter.

 Phichit hummed as he typed on his keyboard. Everything was ready, he was just waiting to hear from Chris when Yuuri was leaving so that he could get his surprise properly set up. He was craving a kiss, slightly unusual but given he had just edited and posted Yuuri’s lap dance video, that wasn’t too surprising. That dance had thrilled him in so many ways, especially when Yuuri made use of the pole they installed in their upstairs apartment. He checked on social media again to see if his posts had gotten any traction yet— it would take time he knew. Most people followed him for his recipes and potion brewing tips; but this was an emergency. Most of his followers had sent him congratulations about his relationship.  
   
 He had emailed Ciao Ciao with a link to the new video as well. If the studio backed it, it would probably garner more traction. He let out a little sigh. Yuuri hated the limelight so much. He loved the performance, and touching people’s hearts, but to be put out in the world like that was too much. He had a few words with Chris in the morning when he saw it across his feed. He’d like to think that the succubus felt slightly ashamed but something was… off.  
   
 He jolted off the couch when he heard the door slam. Robbers? Vandals?  
 His phone buzzed and he glanced at it merely from habit.  
  _Chris: Did Yuuri make it home okay?_  
 Oh fuck. _Fuck_. What _happened?_ Phichit set aside his laptop and the folder he had prepared to go downstairs. Yuuri was sitting on the ground, his back against the counter and tears ripping their way through his throat.  
 “Yuuri.” Phichit knelt next to him. “Can I hug you?”  
 Phichit’s heart warmed, and broke when Yuuri just tilted his body towards him, leaning against him. Phichit shifted slightly so he could sit next to Yuuri and hold him close. He was happy he didn’t give Chris their address now. Let him worry a little more while Yuuri calmed down. Phichit just rested his cheek against Yuuri’s hair and talked about his night. It was boring, everything was boring if it wasn’t potions or Yuuri. Unpacking was _especially_ boring. Which might have been part of the reason he made the plans he did. Except he thought they’d be leaving with a high note, not escaping the deadly clouds of Real Life.  
   
 When Yuuri’s sobs quieted Phichit glanced down to see that he’d fallen asleep. Phichit gave a little sigh. It was a good thing that both of them did those dance classes. He carefully propped Yuuri against the counter, making sure he wouldn’t fall before he ran to lock the front door and came back. Yuuri had started to tilt when he got there. It took some work for him to figure out a way to carry Yuuri up the stairs so that Phichit wouldn’t accidentally smack him against anything. As well as being actually _capable_ of carrying him. He settled Yuuri into bed, tucking the comforter in around him as well as placing the little puppy plushie by him.  
   
 Phichit would join him soon, he’d rather Yuuri wake up to cuddles with him than to an empty bed. But he was going to have this conversation _now_.  
   
 Yuuri had only given him Chris’ number in case of emergencies, but this counted. One failure, Phichit would tolerate, but not two in the same day and definitely not from an old ex.  
 “What the fuck did you do?” Phichit’s eyes narrowed when he heard the click.  
 Chris sighed. _“You’re mad at me too aren’t you?”_  
 “ _Too?_ Who else did you piss off today? No wait, you wouldn’t have pissed off Yuuri today. _He’s too busy sleeping off a panic attack._ ”  
  _“No. Yuuri’s mad at me too.”_  
 Phichit stared at one of the Victor Nikiforov posters. Yuuri was _mad_ at Chris? What the _fuck_ did he miss? He glanced back at the bedroom with dread filling his heart. Maybe it would be better if he cancelled those plans. Maybe Yuuri wouldn’t want to go home, not like this when he was feeling so vulnerable.  
  _“I… did what I had to.”_  
 “You know what they say right?” Phichit replied coldly. “The road to hell’s paved with good intentions.” He hit end, even as he heard Chris’ splutters. He didn’t want to hear it. If Yuuri was mad— hell even if Chris _thought_ Yuuri was mad, Phichit wanted to hear everything from Yuuri first.  
   
 He just shot off a simple text to Yuuko first to let her know that plans might change. His heart sunk a little at the thought, but this wouldn’t be his decision. He switched his phone to silent before going to slide into bed beside Yuuri. Knowing that Yuuri trusted him when he was feeling vulnerable, that this was comfortable enough to be _home_ for him. Phichit’s heart melted as he drew Yuuri into his arms, squishing the dog plushie between them and let himself doze for a while.  
   
 He cracked open an eye when he felt a hand ghosting up his side, further up from his butt.  
 “I don’t mind you grabbing my ass,” Phichit mumbled, burrowing his nose into Yuuri’s chest. “It’s the other side that feels weird.”  
 Yuuri let out a huff of air, making Phichit smile a bit. “Sorry.”  
 “For what? Not ass-grabbing?” Phichit gave Yuuri a little hug— it was hard with one arm half asleep.  
 “No,” Yuuri whispered. “For… that.”  
 Phichit just hummed. “I’ll listen if you want.” Phichit pouted a little when Yuuri pulled away, his warm eyes glistening with tears again.  
 “Chris didn’t tell you?”  
 “I hung up on him,” Phichit admitted. “He said you were mad at him so I told him the road to hell was paved with good intentions and hung up.”  
 “Phichit!” Yuuri scolded.  
 Phichit raised an eyebrow and shifted so he could prop his head up on a hand. “So you aren’t mad at him?”  
 Yuuri hesitated, which told Phichit all he needed to know. Yuuri was, for whatever duration of time, actually mad at Chris.  
 “Did he tell you that Victor was at the party?” Yuuri whispered.  
 “It was in his ‘Yuuri won’t be home tonight’ message, yes.” Phichit had almost laughed himself off the bed at that. It was a choice of that or cry at the odd hollow feeling in his heart.  
 “Chris… no. Victor was… he was in bad shape, Phichit.” Yuuri drew one of Phichit’s hands to caress his cheek and drew the plushie closer to his chest.  
 “If… when we haven’t fed for a while and then feed again it’s… you know how you can overdose taking something after you quit it because your body isn’t used to it anymore?”  
 Phichit nodded.  
 “That’s… a bit of how it feels. I always feed when I get a little bit like that and the blow back is… terrible. I don’t know how long Victor held himself from feeding.”  
 “Why?” Phichit’s eyes drew together. “I mean. I’m not _mad_ at you or anything. I just don’t understand.”  
 Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t really understand either. But Chris told me that he told Victor everything, that he had been okayed to do this _before_ Victor got so bad… I had to help him. Even if it had been anyone else I would have stayed. Maybe not the sex part but… I would have stayed to make sure that they were okay, that they could work off the energy, rebalance their emotions.” Yuuri made a cute scrunched up face. “I mean, he was still a bit off this morning and I spent all night helping him rebalance.”  
 “All night, hm?” Phichit couldn’t quite stop the eyebrow waggle. Yuuri smacked him lightly on the arm and smiled. Just like that Phichit thought that everything might be alright, until it faded again.  
 “Chris didn’t tell him I had a boyfriend,” Yuuri stated.  
   
 The bottom fell out of Phichit’s stomach. That. Son. Of. A Bitch. Was he not good enough for Yuuri? He’d had this discussion with Chris before!  
 Phichit blinked as Yuuri was suddenly on top of him, his wrists pinned down to the bed, his mouth moving.  
 Oh. Oops. Phichit let out a sheepish smile that Yuuri just huffed at and collapsed onto his chest.  
 “I kinda lost it when he told me that and I ran home and freaked you out.”  
 Phichit snorted. “Me? Freaked out by you?”  
 “Oh? So you mean your first thought when you heard the door slam _wasn’t_ that you haven’t put up those repellents if someone doesn’t have a key?”  
   
 Damn, Yuuri knew him too well— and not at all.  
 “Nope! Not my first thought!”  
 A beat of silence and Phichit was starting to think he had gotten away with it.  
 “You forgot that you planned to do that.”  
 “Maybe?”  
 “Phichit!”  
 Phichit bit at his lip and glanced down at Yuuri. Yuuri tilted his head slightly and sat back, giving Phichit some space.  
 “What’s wrong? Is it me? Did something happen about that video? _God I need to call Celestino still._ ”  
 “Yuuri, Yuuri,” Phichit called. He should have known better than to get so insecure when Yuuri would need him.  
 “I just… I wondered if you wanted to go home.”  
 “H-home,” Yuuri’s voice cracked. Phichit’s eyes went wide, what did he do now? He panicked slightly and rolled them over, caging Yuuri slightly so he wouldn’t run off. What did he say? He said go home… did.  
 “Oh. Yuuri, no.” Phichit tapped their foreheads together. “Do you want to _visit_ home?”  
 “V-visit?” Yuuri’s tears were still on the edge.  
 Phichit hummed and touched their noses together. “Get away for a while.”  
 He let the gears in Yuuri’s head turn. He knew what the next thing would be. “Ciao Ciao’s already okayed it. He said something about he knows your old dance teacher? That she can help perfect the emotive part of the performance even if most of the score is technical?” Phichit didn’t really understand what was going on, but he gathered the three of them did as competitors, past and future.  
 “Oh… but…”  
 Phichit put a finger to Yuuri’s mouth. “Ignoring small things like money or time.” He traced his hand down to Yuuri’s chest, resting above his heart.  
 “Does here want to go?”  
 Tears actually fell from Yuuri’s eyes and he just nodded. Phichit smiled at him and gave him a peck on the lips. “You’ll love this then. _Stay._ ”  
   
 Phichit crawled off the bed to go get the folder. His heart was skipping every other beat. He wasn’t sure if he was terrified, or happy. Yuuri would love it, he’d done what he could to alleviate Yuuri’s anxieties. He triple checked Yuuri’s competition dates. He’d checked the airlines, figured out a pet sitter for the hamsters… his shop would be closed for the week while the apartment got some much needed renovations (the uneven floor for one) and when they decided that the floors really did need to be redone the trip just… seemed to fit. Phichit still felt the nerves eating him alive though as he returned and slid next to Yuuri, handing over the folder and slipping his arms around his waist. He let Yuuri flip through it, puzzled by all the brochures that Phichit had probably. He had looked at several different trips until he had an idea of a completely different sort. The last one was an email to Yuuko. An invitation to a ritual cleansing, for the two of them. A chance to meet the triplets.  
 “Oh. _Oh._ ” Yuuri looked at him, tears in his eyes again. “Yes. _Yes, Phichit._ Let’s go home.” Yuuri cried and wrapped Phichit in his arms. Phichit blinked and hugged him back. That was definitely a much better reaction than one he thought he’d get!  
   
 Two weeks later, and a few nights without sleep and they were on the plane. Phichit was just about ready to pass out, but was forcing himself awake through security. Do not say bomb, do not say bomb… having Yuuri ahead of him helped a little bit. He could just stay a step or two behind Yuuri. Yuuri was much better at no sleep than he was. In fact, he nodded off during customs, and it only seemed like he woke up when they were sitting by the gate.  
 “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard,” Yuuri scolded when he opened his eyes again. “And _how_ did you learn to just grab and walk with me?”  
 “I have no idea,” Phichit mumbled and pulled Yuuri closer. “You’re warm.”  
 Yuuri laughed and Phichit was glad that he just let him stay on, just giving him the occasional pat until boarding started.  
 “At least we have adjoining seats,” Yuuri joked.  
 Phichit hummed.  
 “I think it’s the first time I haven’t worried getting on a flight in forever. You’ve done enough worrying for both of us,” Yuuri teased.  
 “Yuuri,” Phichit whined. “So mean!” He tilted his head slightly and let his eyelids slide a little together when Yuuri ruffled his hair.  
 “The checklist helped,” Yuuri murmured, holding his hand. Phichit loved this. He _loved_ Yuuri. Yuuri was dealing with sleepy!Phichit so well. How did he manage to get such a wonderful bean?  
   
 Said wonderful bean managed to shepherd him through all the checks, slept with him on the plane, and was currently peering through arrivals for _someone_. Phichit looked blearily at all of the faces. Yuuri however, was a bundle of energy. Phichit was certain that he would laugh about it later. Usually Yuuri was the tired one, the one that he had to roll out of bed or set his hamsters on. Right now, Phichit wanted to just curl up in a bed - preferably around Yuuri - and go to sleep.  
   
 Then of course Yuuri was dragging him off, a giant smile on his face.  
 “Minako-sensei!” Yuuri stopped and smiled in front of his ballet teacher. Phichit blinked at her. Ah, so this was Minako then. Sensei… Yuuri’s old ballet teacher?  
 Phichit managed to stumble his way through an introduction in Japanese, happy to know it just for the glow of the smile on her face. His eyes got drawn to her back, the shoulders bared and showing just the edges of a rune. A magician. Yuuri seemed to notice his gaze and leaned in to whisper.  
 “Fortitude. There’s a reason my stamina is so good.”  
 “What’s Yuuko’s?” Phichit frowned. “Family or something?”  
 A sly smile crossed Yuuri’s face. “No. Protective. I’m only telling you otherwise she’ll make you guess all night.”  
 Phichit hummed. Protective runes were fairly common, something odd on someone unique. Hell, he was one to talk about types of protective runes though. His dad certainly did his best to drill all their bloodline’s runes into his skull, and how the different runes would interact. They would never do anything for Phichit, who lacked the ability to leak his magic into the mediums. But, it meant that the shopkeepers wouldn’t ever be able to rob him blind with the quality of their runes.  
   
 “It’s weird though,” Yuuri admitted. That perked Phichit up.  
 “How?”  
 “That’s her business,” Minako called back.  
 Phichit flushed, called out. Right, the runic birthmarks of a magician were considered private, just as much as Phichit’s night vision. If it wasn’t on display, it wasn’t a topic for discussion. Yuuri only told him Minako’s since it was a quarter visible. It was unfortunate for several of the species to have such visible markings. Nymphs were generally the easiest hidden due to the wave of coloured contacts. Most of the others varied. He glanced over to see the subtle shine of Yuuri’s horns in his hair. It was so different from Victor, whose royal blue shone proudly, just peeking out of his hair. Others still had slightly longer horns, but never anything massive.  
   
 Damn he was tired if he was derailing himself about incubi horns. Phichit leaned against Yuuri. “Love you,” he mumbled. He smiled as Yuuri wrapped an arm around him. Their bags clanked against each other, but Phichit didn’t really care. He was too happy right now. He could see Minako turning to face them, another question in hushed Japanese. Phichit could listen to Yuuri speaking in Japanese for forever and not get tired of it - hopefully learn more of it before the end of forever but… He was derailing again.  
 “Phichit.” Yuuri tightened his arm for a moment before letting go.  
 “Hm?” Phichit stood up. Oh, car. Right. Yuuri had discussed this with him. He was quite glad that Yuuri won that argument now, for precisely the reason that Phichit would be too tired to appreciate the train scenery. He would just have to deal with that lovely ‘told you so’ smile later— so all in all a win for him right now!  
 He managed to lug his and Yuuri’s luggage into the trunk and slid into the backseat. A flutter went through his chest when Yuuri shoved him over to the opposite side and sat next to him rather than the front.  
 “Sleep, I’ll wake you when we get there.”  
   
 Phichit wasn’t aware of when he closed his eyes, but it didn’t feel like long until he had to open them again. Mostly as Yuuri was starting to manhandle him out of the car. A laugh bubbled from his lips.  
 “Yuuri! Are you trying to mimic me?”  
 Yuuri huffed and stepped back. “Well, then you can bring your own luggage up.” He turned and walked towards the door and a moment of dread filled Phichit before Yuuri turned and raised an eyebrow, a smile flitting across his face.  
 “Yuuri! That was mean!” Phichit whined.  
 Minako laughed from the driver’s seat, her head resting on the wheel.  
 “See you later,” she winked at him as he closed the trunk. Later? Phichit blinked as she drove off and he half-jogged to catch up to Yuuri. Was he going to see her later for something?  
   
 He managed to catch up just as Yuuri slid open the door, a small smile on his face as he called out.  
 “Tadaima.”  
 “Yuuri!”  
 Phichit watched as a small woman practically flew out of one of the adjoining rooms, only to stop just in front of Yuuri. He could recognise the pleasantries, and did a little bow at his name, but was mostly clueless for the rest. He really needed to improve his Japanese, or wake up. This week would probably be a good opportunity for improve though. He knew enough to take off his shoes, and put on the slippers that Yuuri offered him.  
   
 The best part though was as they went through the door and a tiny dog came barrelling in and Yuuri’s face lit up.  
 “Vicchan!” Yuuri laughed as he knelt down and let the puppy lick his face. Okay, he knew that Vicchan wasn’t a puppy but all dogs were puppies right? Phichit knelt to offer him a hand, cooing to Vicchan as well. He would have to ask Yuuri at some point if they wanted to get a dog or not.  
 “Are you going to go to the onsen before dinner?” Another woman leaned against the frame.  
 “Ah, sorry. Mari, this is Phichit. My… boyfriend.”  
 Phichit gave a small bow to Mari. So this was Yuuri’s older sister. His heart thumped in his chest. Somehow she intimidated him more than Yuuri’s mom did.  
 “Hm.” Her eyes raked him up and down. “Why now?”  
 Phichit gave a small shrug. “Why not?”  
 Mari grinned at him, flicking a finger his way. “Keep him.”  
 “ _Mari!_ ”  
 Phichit only half listened as Yuuri listed off every reason he had given Yuuri for going on the trip— when Yuuri started complaining two weeks ago. Phichit had _prepared_. He met Mari’s eyes and suddenly understood her smile. She knew what he did, that everything was an excuse. That Phichit _wanted_ to come. Her eyes darted to Yuuri when he finished off with Yuuko’s invitation.  
 “I’m sure that she’ll love to know she was bottom of your list.”  
 Phichit laughed at Yuuri’s slack jaw.  
 “Come on, I want to rest,” Phichit tugged lightly at Yuuri’s arm.  
 Mari shook her head. “No, try the hot spring first. I’ll take your stuff up if you’re that tired.”  
 “He wanted me to be comfortable,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 Mari flicked Yuuri’s forehead. “I know. That’s why I’m taking everything up so you can show your boyfriend the onsen before he passes out.”  
 There was a moment of silence before Yuuri handed his luggage to her and was tugging Phichit down a hall.  
   
 Phichit was certain that he would forget half the process. Hopefully he would remember to wash up before going in again, but the entire process going through everything just to sink into the hot water was heavenly. He let out a sigh as the water eased away his tension and exhaustion. Yuuri seemed a little red as he watched him, he had no idea why.  
 “These are the family hot springs,” Yuuri finally said. Phichit opened his eyes, but Yuuri was staring into the water. Wait.  
 Phichit blinked and rewound his meeting with them. Yuuri’s mom had blue eyes. He looked at the water.  
 “ _Oh._ ” He breathed. He couldn’t quite label the emotion he felt as Yuuri looked up at him and smiled.  
 Perhaps it was love.


	15. Just a Short While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Phichit settle in for a night with the triplets and Yuuri makes a call.

 It took a day for Yuuri to get used to being home again. Another day for Phichit to settle into their routine where they wandered around Hasetsu. Yuuri didn’t realise that he never told Phichit what a small town he lived in. Phichit asked him on day three what else there was to see and looked so flabbergasted when Yuuri said it was just Yuuko’s place and the ice rink left.  
   
 Overall though, having Phichit here was just… amazing. The care that had gone into everything, all the contingencies Phichit had prepared for him - before he knew about the viral video (if Yuuri refused to think about it, it would disappear). After that… and what happened with Victor, getting away just sounded perfect. Just sitting in his mother’s onsen again let him absorb a layer of calm he wasn’t able to get anywhere else. He had to wonder sometimes though… if he and Phichit stayed together long enough would they eventually be able to feel that calm? That reassuring feel?  
   
 A smile tweaked at Yuuri’s lips as Phichit ran towards the ocean, his arms wide and welcoming the waves. What did he ever do to deserve Phichit? He slid his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed. It was probably Yuuko making sure they were still coming.  
   
 His heart stilled for a moment. It was Chris.  
   
 Phichit seemed to gather that something was wrong, because he was running towards him now. Yuuri just stared at the preview.  
   
  _Chris: I know you’re still mad. Please talk to Victor_  
   
 Yuuri assumed that the rest of the text contained Victor’s number, probably hidden below the message to prevent snoopers from seeing it.  
 “What is it?”  
 Yuuri shook his head. “Victor.”  
 “Oh.” Phichit melted.  
 Yuuri sighed and held out a hand for Phichit to take, a small smile on his face. “Chris wants me to talk to him.”  
 “Why?” Phichit’s brows drew together, like they always did when he was concentrating on a problem. Yuuri just hoped that it was the video that was the problem, not their relationship.  
   
 “I don’t know.” Yuuri loved the feeling of Phichit’s hand in his, even as the entire experience felt strange. He was walking the streets of his hometown holding someone’s hand.  
 “I haven’t read the message.”  
 “Yuuri,” Phichit scolded. “Although… I’m a little happy you didn’t… but check tonight?”  
 Yuuri sighed.  
 Phichit nudged him a little. “Time does keep going.”  
 “I know. I just. I don’t want to think of the mess back home right now. I just… I wanted you, me… the three terrors and their parents.”  
 Phichit laughed and Yuuri let himself smile. He was here to forget, at least for a little while. To forget, to reconnect, and to see just how much better Hasetsu’s oceans shone when they were reflected in Phichit’s eyes.  
   
 Speaking of reconnecting. Yuuri’s eyes were drawn up to the rink.  
 “Right, we should go and relieve Yuuko!” Phichit slung an arm around Yuuri. Yuuri smiled, only Phichit would make it seem like he wasn’t the reason that they were delayed. When they arrived at the Ice Castle, there was the familiar silence inside, the scrapings of ice. Only the laughter was different.  
 “Yuuko-san!” He called.  
 “Yuu- _chan!_ ” She called back, a hand on her hip already, along with one of the triplets. It was the first time Phichit was able to see them outside of a screen, and clearly the first time they realised who they were as they hid behind their mother.  
 “Hey!” Yuuko crouched down to be on their level. “We talked about this right? Its mommy’s friend and his boyfriend. They’re going to take care of you for a while.” The girls shook their head and looked at him.  
   
 Phichit poked him. Yuuri glanced over at him.  
 “You _skated_ here?” he whispered.  
 Yuuri shrugged. “A little. I wasn’t good enough to go competitive.”  
 Phichit gave him a look. Yuuri knew that look too well, it always came around when Celestino was checking if he wanted to enter any competitions. That look that practically screamed ‘are you bullshitting me right now’. Yuuri never did find out which skating videos she had sent Phichit.  
 “Don’t sell yourself short!”  
 Yuuri yelped as Nishigori smacked him hard in the kidney.  
 “Of all of us you could have gone furthest, even Minako said.”  
 “Nishigori!” Yuuri hissed, with a quick glance at Phichit. His bloody boyfriend just had his phone out, probably taking pictures or recording this just to embarrass him later. He shoved the hairy arm off of him. It was going to be the easiest month for his friend, being the furthest from his birthday so he didn’t care if he got a little rough. It was easier when you weren’t as furry or sharp.  
 “This one,” Nishigori pointed at Yuuri. “Won three ballet competitions, _internationally._ ”  
 Yuuri went white as Phichit dropped his phone.  
   
 “Yuuri! How could you keep that from me?” Phichit pouted. “Here I thought we were _friends._ ”  
 “I said I didn’t want to compete because of how previous ones went,” Yuuri pointed out. He couldn’t deal with the jeers, the claims of riding on his teacher’s coattails. How he was over scored. How _unfair_ it was. He blinked as Phichit’s hand touched his, stopping him from wringing his t-shirt out.  
 “It’s okay.” Phichit smiled. “It just… makes a lot of other things make sense now too. Did you go overseas to run from it?”  
 “No!” Yuuri stared at Phichit. He went because he had a scholarship offer, and Yuuko got stuck with a ritual to puzzle out. He wanted to help her crack it. In the end, he was almost certain that Phichit was more likely to help her crack the issue than he was do make anything of his degree. Instead, he was back on the beaten path, just approaching it from a different angle.  
   
 “I’m sure you’ll be beautiful performing,” Yuuko sighed, leading the girls off the ice, carefully putting her guards on and doing the same for each child. Nishigori was quick to go over and help, the two murmuring quiet affections in Japanese while they got the girls changed. The triplets kept looking over at him, slight wariness in their eyes.  
 “Yuuri. What do we do?”  
 Yuuri glanced at Phichit, his head tilting slightly.  
 “I don’t know how to deal with small beings that can speak but I can’t understand.”  
 Yuuri snickered. “You mean you haven’t memorised that dictionary yet?”  
 “Yuuri,” Phichit whined.  
 “Movie night,” Yuuri whispered. “I brought something with me…”  
 Yuuri’s heart flipped at the look on Phichit’s face. It warmed him down to his toes. He did wish that they could have brought the hamsters, but there wasn’t a point for them to go through quarantine, only to have them go home. That had been a deciding moment for Yuuri really, knowing that Phichit had already lined up a pet sitter for the pets he loved so much. If they weren’t healthy when they came back Yuuri was going to find some freshmen to destroy the sitter. Or something at least. He would find a way to make their life miserable.  
   
 “Hey, do you want to watch a movie with us?” Yuuri asked as Takeshi and Yuuko brought the girls over, still clinging to their pants.  
 He lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “We’ll eat lots of popcorn and ice cream!”  
 The girls’ eyes widened and they slowly went to cling to Yuuri’s pants.  
 Yuuko’s eyes had a wicked gleam to them when the triplets shifted pants. “Early bedtime though.”  
 Yuuri’s eyes went wide and he nodded. Yuuko knew he was a bit of a night owl, and even more so when he was watching movies with Phichit. He smiled as Takeshi put his arm around Yuuko, murmuring in her ear as they walked off.  
 “Yuuri, Yuuri… what are we watching?” the triplets whispered at him.  
 Yuuri smiled and started what was bound to be a long night.  
   
 He jolted awake at Phichit’s touch, silent only due to a finger on his lips. The triplets were still at the age that they would wake up regularly. Why did he think he could do this? He _knew_ that Phichit had that sly grin on that was saying ‘I told you so’. Okay, so Phichit had experience with twins and Yuuri had zero experience with children of any kind on his own. He just closed his eyes again and curled into Phichit’s hand.  
 “Never again,” he moaned.  
 “Think of poor Yuuko.”  
 Oh, now Phichit was throwing his words back into his face. He opened his eyes to glower at his boyfriend, pulling him forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.  
 “Thanks for helping me. Despite the language issue.”  
 Yuuri sat up, his spine curling slightly at a far off sound. A wolf’s howl.  
 “Is that?” Phichit whispered.  
 “They’re renewing the ritual,” Yuuri murmured. The wave of power washed through him. The equinox renewal spells. Wishes for luck, love, health all washed through, giving him a temporary boost.  
 “It feels so… _weird_ ,” Phichit whispered.  
 Yuuri hummed. “There’s a group that uses mom and dad’s onsen water in their ritual and they use it close to site. It gives them an extra boost.”  
 “Shit. You grew up with this?” Phichit sat on Yuuri’s lap, his arm coiling around Yuuri’s shoulders.  
 Yuuri smiled. “You get used to it. I used to help Minako with the dancing. Supposedly I have a bit more strength to me just because I was born near such a highly potent area.”  
   
 Phichit frowned. “How are there so few people here then?”  
 Yuuri’s smile fell a little and he glanced out the window, towards the wolf howl.  
 “Hasetsu is a quarter werewolf,” he murmured.  
 Phichit’s hand twitched. “Oh.”  
 Yuuri nodded. It had been less than five years since Yuuko developed the ritual, but it was taking far longer to change people’s mindsets.  
 “Speaking of change…” Phichit murmured. “What about that text?”  
 Yuuri’s heart flopped slightly as he looked back at Phichit. “I swear it’s almost like you want us together. You and Chris pushing…”  
 He felt bad the moment he said it as Phichit recoiled.  
   
 “I… Yuuri. You…”  
 “I’m sorry,” Yuuri blurted out. “I… I’m _sorry_. Don’t go!”  
 Phichit shook his head and dropped his forehead to touch Yuuri’s. “No, I’m not going… but Yuuri… remember how I was before you realised? At least… talk to Victor? I don’t know for sure what happened but… You care for him still. On some level at least. I don’t know. Invite him to Nationals or something.”  
 Yuuri’s stomach sank further. God, he never even gave Victor his _name_. Like some random hookup. Which is what it was supposed to be.  
 “Yuuri?”  
 “I… I don’t know.” Yuuri’s throat began to close. “I… I was so scared of meeting him Phichit. _So scared_. How… How can I treat him like…?”  
 “Like a person?” Phichit’s smile broke his heart. “You’ll figure it out. Worst case, I’ll step in if you want.”  
 “Will… will you stay?” Yuuri forced out. He wanted Phichit there, to watch what was happening. To be there as whatever happened… happened. To stop Yuuri from being the typical burn-bridges person he was under stress.  
 “I’ll stay with you no matter what,” Phichit promised.  
 “No,” Yuuri shook his head and drew out his phone, letting it fall so Phichit could see it. “I mean… _stay_.”  
 Phichit paused and patted Yuuri’s hand. “Okay. A conversation with the three of us?”  
 Yuuri nodded.  
 “Okay. But you tell him that first.”  
 Yuuri bit his lip and nodded. He owed that much at least to Victor. He unlocked his phone, taking barely a moment to read Chris’ text. Only Phichit stopped him from outright copying and ignoring the rest.  
   
 Yuuri spent a while staring at the number in his phone app, until Phichit huffed and pressed the call button. Yuuri almost yelped until he remembered the triplets were sleeping and that they’d like to _keep_ them that way.  
 “ _Da?_ ”  
 Yuuri was surprised that Victor actually picked up. Who would pick up a call from a number they didn’t know?  
 “Yuuri!” Phichit hissed.  
 Yuuri winced. Right. Silence was a bad thing on a phone call. “Victor?”  
 A heavy silence on the other end and a quiet clink of a glass and the sound of a door closing.  
  _“Who is this? How did you get this number?”_  
 Yuuri winced. Right, introductions. How did he do this again? How did he _fail_ to introduce himself before?  
 “It’s… Eros… well.” Yuuri bit his lip. Should he give Victor his real name? He flinched slightly as Phichit tapped his head.  
 “Yuuri. Yuuri Katsuki.”  
 The continuing silence was unnerving. What was wrong? Did he wait too long to make sure that he was alright? God he did.  
  _“Eros.”_  
 That shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. Victor _had_ Yuuri’s real name now, but continued to call him by his _stupid_ Skype handle.  
  _“I’m not sure your boyfriend would appreciate you calling me.”_  
 “I don’t mind a bit,” Phichit chirped into the phone. “I actually sat on him until he called you.”  
 “Phichit!” Yuuri hissed, remembering only a moment before that they were trying to be _quiet_.  
  _“How am I supposed to believe that some person there is your boyfriend when you could just be getting a passerby to pretend?”_  
 That… hurt a lot. Clearly Yuuri hadn’t made the best impression on Victor. Phichit gestured for the phone, obtaining it quite easily and walked off, talking quietly into the mike. God he _was_ a horrible person. He hurt Phichit regularly, he could see it when his energy began to fade and Phichit became aware again of just what was wrong with Yuuri. He hurt Victor by not _talking_ to him before spending a night having sex. He hated this, hated that just to feel this… human he hurt everyone around him.  
   
 He blinked as Phichit’s hand rested on his knee. Oh. When did he curl up like that? He glanced down at the phone, the speaker icon flashing at him now.  
  _“Yuuri… Phichit… explained a bit to me. I apologise for my rudeness.”_  
 Yuuri uncurled a bit so that at least he wasn’t crushing his own lungs.  
 “No, I’m sorry. I should have texted you first. I hope you don’t mind if Phichit stays for this?”  
 There was a beat of silence again. _“I don’t understand what this is about?”_  
 Words fell from Yuuri’s mouth without him thinking much of it. “Well. You asked if you could see my competition… do you still want to? Even if…”  
  _“I would love to,” _Victor murmured. Was Yuuri imagining the sad tone to his voice? He must be.  
  _“I… I would like to apologise to your boyfriend as well. Feeding should be consensual among all parties involved.”_  
 Yuuri hummed in agreement. “I’m sorry I didn’t check with you before… I shouldn’t have just taken Chris’ word for it.”  
 There were several beats of silence until Victor’s voice came back so hushed they crowded the phone.  
  _“Honestly… Yuuri I had given him my consent for a specific experiment if my condition deteriorated that badly. I was in no condition that night to make any decisions. I haven’t for the last several months.”_  
 “How long,” Phichit whispered. “I mean. Yuuri mentioned your necklace to me— purely professional due to my background.”  
  _“Four years,”_ Victor whispered.  
 Yuuri looked up at Phichit, his eyes wide. Four years ago… Victor’s parents died in a car crash. He started wearing a necklace as a memento. God, he was so _stupid_. No wonder all his photos after were starting to lose that Victor spark, there was no more Victor to be had in them. Yuuri opened his mouth then closed it. He really couldn’t say anything about that.  
 “If you two are done your silent conversation?” Phichit broke in.  
  _“Oh, sorry.”_ Victor’s voice was definitely melancholy now. _“You can send me the date, place, and time? I’ll be sure to be there.”_  
 “You might want a disguise,” Phichit joked.  
 Victor hummed. _“I wonder what might be appropriate. I could dye my hair.”___  
 Phichit and Yuuri looked aghast at the phone. “Don’t you dare!” Yuuri hissed.  
 “Yuuri-niichan?”  
   
 Yuuri looked up, horrified. If one of the triplets was up, the other two wouldn’t be far behind. The three were practically glued at the hip— something he hoped would change as they got older. He fumbled his phone over to Phichit as he went to her, hoping it was just something small. He just needed to get through this night. Then at the end of the week he would be back home and at the end of the month… he would see Victor again.


	16. Please Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit has a little chat with Victor and starts thinking

 Phichit had lived through _many_ awkward conversations in his life. But nothing quite like being left with his boyfriend’s cellphone with his supermodel hookup still on the line. It was too bad that it was impossible to take a selfie of a situation— because what the hell even was this situation?  
  _“What? Happened?”_ Victor’s voice came over the phone.  
 “One of the triplets woke up,” Phichit whispered. “Yuuri’s putting her back to bed now.”  
  _“Triplets? You have children?”_  
 “Nonono, we’re babysitting.” Phichit bit his tongue before saying that they were visiting Yuuri’s parents. That would beget more confusion, and frankly he felt like there was some tangled thread somewhere in this entire mess and he had no idea what the original tapestry looked like.  
   
 Oh. Maybe it meant he could make his own tapestry. Phichit filed that thought to pursue later— when all parties might be in an understanding mood.  
 “Now, Yuuri’s made me swear off social media for the week. How’s the viral situation going?”  
 Victor hummed. _“Good. Your video’s been picked up now. I think there was a pole dancer that retweeted it too, but I haven’t been able to look into much. I’m afraid I have a huge pile up of work that I’ve been putting off that I suddenly find I have the motivation to do… If motivation is the right word.”_  
 Phichit made a face. “I get it. I had a similar pile to deal with to open my shop.”  
 Phichit looked at the phone as silence rang through it. It showed the call was still going, was something wrong?  
  _“You… own a shop?”_  
 “I’m a witch,” Phichit clarified. “I have a few of my own brews, but we’re close to the school so I’ve mostly been making calming potion and the like. I’m more known around the area as the one with the hangover helper.”  
  _“You… have a potion to deal with hangovers?”_  
 “Yup, and no I don’t normally sell it. It encourages bad behaviour.”  
 Victor sighed. _“Alas for those that take care of their responsibilities.”_  
 “It can be fun,” Phichit admitted. He loved to make his potions while Yuuri was reading on the couch, or stretching… or even if Yuuri was just in the room.  
 “It’s amazing what can get done with a little motivation.”  
   
 Victor let out a little huff. _“I… …I still apologise for infringing on your relationship.”_  
 Phichit waved a hand at the air. “I told you already! You didn’t infringe. Hell, Yuuri’s been staring at your posters, wondering if you were okay. For all that he didn’t want to meet you, it’s probably a good thing he did!”  
  _“He… didn’t want to meet me? Did I misunderstand Chris?”_  
 “It seems like a lot of that has been going around.” Phichit glowered at the counter. “You know how they say you should never meet your heroes?”  
  _“Oh…”_  
 Silence fell between them.  
 “This… is weird isn’t it?” Phichit tried.  
 Victor laughed. _“Weird doesn’t begin… It just… it all still feels…”_  
 Phichit waited for the last word to drop from Victor’s lips. He was half betting that the model would say ‘wrong’.  
  _“…it… feels.”_ Victor sighed. _“It’s an adjustment.”_  
 “How does that work?” Phichit frowned.  
 Victor laughed. _“Yuuri hasn’t told you?”_  
 “He worries about hurting me.” He wasn’t wrong either, Phichit did feel a little stab every time that Yuuri’s charm wore out, when he had to go out. The guilt that was on his face too, even if he didn’t typically sleep with them.  
  _“I suppose…”_  
 “I wouldn’t mind an arrangement,” Phichit sighed. “I just… I think it hurts him as much as it hurts me right now.” Phichit smiled wistfully at the wall. “I still don’t know if I’m good for him.”  
  _“I wouldn’t be the one to ask that.”_ Victor’s quiet words drove straight into his heart.  
 “No, but I can ask if you’d want to be there for him…”  
 Victor made a strangled sound, and Phichit was fairly certain that he dropped the phone.  
  _“Are you **propositioning** me for your boyfriend?” _  
 “Maybe it’s also for my benefit,” Phichit shrugged. “I mean. You got mad at Chris too when you found out. So I can be fairly certain that you’re a decent fellow. I mean, I’d still rather meet you over a beer or something before deciding anything and…” Phichit stared out the window into the setting sun. “We’ve only been dating a month or two. If you two have more…”  
 Victor scoffed. _“I refuse to be the reason for a breakup. No.”_  
 Phichit bit his lip and scuffed his foot against the floor. “I’m just saying I wouldn’t be surprised.”  
  _“Then you’re blind.”_  
 Phichit sighed. “Victor… our room is full of your posters. Yuuri _cares_ a lot about you.”  
  _“I’m sorry.”_  
 Phichit laughed. “Why? If anything I would have thought you’d be touched.” Phichit’s eyes were drawn back to the hallway at movement. Ah, Yuuri was coming back out. “I’ll always be up for a drink though. We can always just talk about Yuuri. I’ll send you my number. Yuuri’s back.”  
 Another strangled sound from Victor as Phichit held out the phone. “Have a chat with your beau,” Phichit winked and went to the kitchen, intent on making them a late night snack.  
   
 What was he doing? He was doing the exact thing that Yuuko and Yuuri begged him not to. But, Yuuri had also admired Victor for so long. He couldn’t stand in front of that.  
 Phichit almost jumped as Yuuri’s arms snaked around him.  
 “Oh? Done already?”  
 “Mmm. You’re doing it again.”  
 Phichit’s stomach dropped. He should have known that Victor would tell on him to Yuuri. The man walked away from him when he found out Yuuri had someone else. Anyone that would just walk away from Yuuri was an idiot.  
 “You eat when you’re stressed.”  
 Phichit let out a small sigh. Okay, maybe Victor didn’t out him. He did still need to send his number to Victor though. Or maybe he could just go on Instagram and send him the information that way.  
   
 “Phichit…” Yuuri’s breath ghosted the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. What did he ever do to deserve Yuuri?  
 “Would you be happier with Victor?” Phichit whispered.  
 Yuuri recoiled. Phichit knew he would, but he _couldn’t_ deal with Yuuri trying to pry answers out of him again. He was too good at it, or got too anxious which made Phichit cave.  
 “What? _Why?_ Phichit! What did he say?”  
 Phichit shook his head. “It’s… I…” He turned to face Yuuri. “I’m _sorry._ ”  
 “Oh.” Yuuri relaxed, a small smile on his face and drew him into a hug, closing the fridge with one hand.  
 “Phichit, Victor isn’t you.”  
 “I know,” Phichit whispered. Phichit wasn’t a supermodel, he had trouble speaking Japanese. He rarely experienced anything close to sexual desire, causing his boyfriend to have to go out and shack up with supermodels. Yuuri could have anyone he wanted, and sometimes it didn’t make sense to Phichit that it would be _him_.  
 “Victor doesn’t hug like you, he doesn’t sit next to me and make hilarious movie commentary. He doesn’t sit next to me when my brain backfires and tell me that everything will be okay. Actually, I think he would be pretty terrible about that part.”  
 Phichit looked into Yuuri’s eyes, seeing a half smile on his boyfriend’s lips. “How do you always do that?” Phichit grumbled.  
 Yuuri shrugged. “You tell me the same thing half the time. We’ll get it down eventually. “  
 Phichit laughed. “So we deserve each other because we think we don’t deserve each other?”  
 Yuuri nodded. “You know I’m pretty sure that Yuuko would smack us both on the head if she heard this.”  
 “Then we will forever hold silence to her on our relationship woes.” Phichit raised a hand. “I hereby promise that Yuuko will never hear about my anxiety regarding my worth as a person to Yuuri.”  
 Yuuri broke down into giggles, making Phichit follow suit.  
 “But you should do that every now and then.”  
 “Hm?” Yuuri tilted his head slightly.  
 “Tell me how I’m better that Victor Nikiforov. Just… Chris said some things about how you looked at him.”  
 Yuuri went bright red and covered his face. “I was _hungry_ Phichit! You’ve seen my face like that before! Chris doesn’t because…”  
 “Right. Chris produces it so you wouldn’t be hungry.” Phichit sighed and leaned against Yuuri’s chest.  
 “Yeah. And… it was Victor Nikiforov,” Yuuri mumbled. “God I don’t know how I’m going to react at Nationals when I see him…”  
 “Depends how you meet him.” Phichit shrugged and nuzzled into Yuuri’s chest more. How was he so warm? “Do you meet him as Eros, or as Yuuri?”  
   
 There was a long silence that made Phichit worry a little, but he figured that Yuuri would puzzle it out on his own.  
 “Eros is the one that was taped.” Yuuri spoke slowly. “Victor barely met Yuuri.”  
 “Which do you want?”  
 “I… I don’t know. Phichit I’m _scared_. None of this was supposed to happen. That video, all of this… I… I would have been happy just teaching.”  
 Phichit snorted. He couldn’t help it. Yuuri was one of the most competitive people that he knew. Thinking of Yuuri being content to _only_ teach was ridiculous. He wasn’t really happy unless he could apply what he knew. It was probably part of his frustration for not getting hired after graduation. Hell, if Phichit was in that position he was certain that he would feel the same.  
 “Bullshit.”  
 Phichit started, looking up. Yuuko and Takeshi were back, looking fairly worn. Yuuko looked like an avatar of motherly rage, striding towards him. Phichit’s instincts were screaming at him to run, but he couldn’t leave Yuuri to this, not alone.  
 “Tell me dancing doesn’t make you happy.” She planted herself firmly in front of Yuuri.  
 “Yuuko…” Yuuri refused to look at her, his gaze still firmly to Phichit’s chest. Phichit raised a finger, trying to hold off some of Yuuko’s tirade— as deserving as it was.  
 “You’re scared it will be the same as before?” He turned to Yuuri.  
 Yuuri nodded.  
 “Well it won’t! Mostly because you aren’t twelve anymore!” Phichit chirped. “And, you have me now! Your own personal cheerleader. You know I don’t lie to you when something sucks.”  
 “You’re my boyfriend now,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 “So? If telling you when something you made needs work compared to when it makes me rise from the dead is something that will help you, I’ll do it.”  
 “Don’t! Change yourself for me.” Yuuri’s hands tightened in his shirt.  
   
 Phichit’s heart sank. That wasn’t what he meant.  
 “Yuuri, has Phichit ever lied to you?” Takeshi broke in.  
 Yuuri huffed and Phichit felt sweat beading down his neck. He lied. He lied a fair bit actually, usually for his hamsters. It wasn’t Houdini’s fault for chewing through the power cord! He bought them a new one!  
 “Yes.”  
 “So you can probably tell when he’s lying now.”  
 Oh. Oh. Takeshi was _brilliant_ , he took it all back now. Yuuri peered up into his eyes.  
 “A bit.” He murmured. Oh, there was that light in Yuuri’s eyes. He wasn’t able to see it very often, only… he’d only seen that look a few times outside of Yuuri staring at some of Victor’s posters.  
   
 He really needed to sort out his own head. Something about Victor was still niggling at him, but Yuuri… Yuuri was more important and right now it felt like something settled between them. He couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his face as he hugged Yuuri tighter to him. He was never going to let go of Yuuri. He would die before giving up the angel that decided to come into his life.  
   
 “So. If that’s done and Yuuri’s accepted he’s actually a dancer?”  
 “Not a good one,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 Phichit snorted. “Let Nationals decide that, why don’t you? I’ll eat Houdini if you don’t medal.”  
 “ _Phichit!_ ” Yuuri yelped. “ _How could you say that!_ ”  
 They all winced as the triplets began to clamor. Whoops.  
 Phichit smiled sheepishly at Yuuko and Takeshi. “I’ll ah… go deal with that…”  
   
 He wasn’t going to let go of Yuuri, no… but it didn’t quite sit right with him to leave Victor as he was either. Not if he could help. If Yuuri could win a medal… at the very least Phichit would have to do his best to make sure he could always perform at his peak. He needed to finish that potion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the trip to Japan ends!


	17. Just to See Me Fail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri’s first competition, and a friend get-together at a nearby pub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of two chapters I’m not particularly fond of, but it was required too to connect to the next one (which I actually love).

 Yuuri took a deep breath in and out, the thin spandex moving with his body. He could hear the crowd outside, somehow his mind made it so much louder than the music he knew was blasting out. People. He couldn’t deal with people. Why was he doing this?  
 He jolted at a smack to his head and turned around. His eyes watered a little at Phichit and Yuuko, her hand still hovering over his head.  
 “You…”  
 “Did you think I would miss this?” Yuuko raised an eyebrow. Of course she was here. She helped him get here, to turn that stupid video into a good thing, into something that was of his nature instead of something he never wanted to share. Now, he was about to go out and share that with everyone.  
 “I’m not ready,” he whispered, looking out at the crowd again. Two more people. Only two and he would have to face those lights again.  
 “You said that when you won your first gold,” Yuuko snorted. “You never feel like you deserve what you have Yuuri. That hasn’t changed a bit.”  
   
 A lump grew in Yuuri’s throat. It sounded like she was talking about more than just pole dancing now. He looked back at them, Phichit seemed to be looking a little abashed as Yuuko stared him down.  
 “Did I miss something?”  
 Yuuko shook her head. “I just… you two are so similar!”  
 “We live together, of course there’s going to be similarities?” Yuuri tilted his head.  
 “Oblivious!” Yuuko threw up her hands. “I’ve been breaking my brain figuring out why it took you two so long, why it’s still taking you so long and you’re both so oblivious!”  
 Yuuri winced. “Yuuko… please we’re backstage…”  
   
 She huffed and crossed her arms. Oh god, even Celestino was looking sympathetic at him right now. He never should have agreed to let Yuuko stay with them, especially when she laughed in his face when he said she’d be interrupting. It was one of the few downsides to having told her about Phichit’s orientation. She knew that they weren’t doing anything ‘inappropriate’ and Phichit had just stared at him when he tried to claim to her that they needed alone time. He needed that alone time! He wanted to just hug and cuddle Phichit and know that everything would be okay. Maybe that was why everything felt so loud and buzzy.  
   
 “Yuuri, breathe with me.” Phichit’s voice broke through his thoughts. He looked at Phichit, when did he look away? Timing his breaths was hard, but they got there, with a small smile on Phichit’s face.  
 “You’re wonderful, no matter what okay? All four of us will go out for dinner later. It’ll be fun.”  
   
 Four. Right, four. Victor was somewhere in the audience too. They had arranged to meet up later to talk, although he wasn’t too sure how everything was going to go when it was going to be a group of them together feeling awkward. Yuuko was now up to date with… well everything and Yuuri still wasn’t sure what she thought of it all. She had been there with him for the prime time of his Victor Nikiforov fanboy tendencies, she had encouraged them in fact because it usually meant they would both get a copy of the posters. He just wasn’t too sure where she was storing them now.  
   
 His body froze as Phichit nudged him forward. Three minutes, three minutes until he sank or swam.  
 “Just work with the music,” Yuuko whispered. He looked out at the stage then back at her. “As long as you’re feeling the music you’ll be fine.” He wished that he could be that confident in himself. It was his first time in front of judges that didn’t know him— or if they did they knew him from a viral video that was him at his best, not an average day. This could be when he fell.  
   
 He concentrated on his breathing, attempted to bring the music back to mind. It slipped from his fingers repeatedly, his mind failing to grasp it as he walked onto the stage. He never recovered.  
   
 He closed his eyes at the end, having given his bow and walked off stage. Now everyone knew. Everyone knew how much he failed and how terrible he was. There was no reason for him to receive any prize, if he did he knew that they were inflating the marks. Perhaps there really wasn’t a life for him as a competitive dancer.  
   
 Why did that thought make him hurt so? Yuuri pressed his chest a little and took in a shaky breath to keep the tears at bay.  
 “Yuuri?”  
 Yuuri spun at the somewhat familiar voice, but very unfamiliar person. He squinted, Phichit still had his glasses.  
 “Sorry. I… I should wait for you to text me. Never mind.”  
 “Victor?” Yuuri whispered, his voice beginning to fray at the edges.  
 The figure paused and turned back around, hesitating for a moment.  
 “Yuuri!” He turned again to see Celestino approaching him. “That wasn’t terrible for a first showing!”  
 Yuuri swallowed. It was terrible.  
 “After all, pole is quite different from ballet and this stage is different. It can be hard to adapt to.”  
 Yuuri stared at Celestino and a few things began to click into place.  
 “You… you knew me before I came to the studio?”  
 He thought Celestino was smiling at him, but he couldn’t be quite sure.  
 “Minako and I used to run in the same circuits. She asked me to keep an eye on you if I could. She was right.”  
   
 A familiar dread filled him.  
 “But you needn’t worry, there are other competitions you’re registered for as well— smaller ones. More than a few that are willing to let us go early for stage checks and practice.”  
 Yuuri was trying to breathe, but it was so hard. Where was Phichit? Where was Yuuko? He’d failed Minako twice now. He wasn’t strong enough to do this. He should just fade away into obscurity, he deserved it.  
 “Ciao Ciao!”  
 Yuuri closed his eyes in relief. Phichit. His boyfriend wrapped an arm around him, taking barely a moment to pause.  
 “Sorry, Ciao Ciao can we do the rest later? We have plans.”  
 Yuuri could hear the frown in Celestino’s voice. “What would you have done if he won?”  
 “Different situation!” Phichit chirped. “But, you don’t need him anymore! So I’m just going to run away with my boyfriend for dinner!”  
 Yuuri heard Celestino sigh, and let Phichit guide him. Phichit had wormed one of Yuuri’s hands to cover his chest, helping him to match their breathing. By the time they got to the dressing room, he felt almost normal.  
   
 Victor was there with Yuuko and his clothes. Victor looked quite guilty, but he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was because he left him to Celestino’s devices.  
 “Sorry, Victor had to look for a while to find us. How was it?” Yuuko tilted her head slightly. “Do we have to wait for a while?”  
 Yuuri winced, but Phichit in his ever-so-happy tone answered for him.  
 “Nope! Yuuri crashed!”  
 “Oh.” He hated that tone from Yuuko. She had come to see him do well and he just failed, and failed spectacularly, publicly. He wasn’t sure if he did a single move correctly, he doubted it.  
 “Sorry you came for nothing,” he mumbled.  
 “Yuuri!” Victor and Yuuko cried. He glanced up to see them looking a little abashed at each other.  
 “You were still beautiful,” Victor mumbled.  
 Yuuri blinked at him, why was Victor being so weird?  
 “Yuuko knows by the way.” Phichit pointed out. Victor looked scandalised.  
 Yuuko rolled her eyes at them both. “Okay, so are we going for drinks and dinner? Because I feel like copious amounts of the first are necessary until I catch my flight tonight.”  
 “Sorry,” Yuuri mumbled.  
   
 Yuuko sighed and Yuuri yelped as he clutched his forehead. Her flicks hurt.  
 “I would be drinking regardless,” Yuuko informed him. “Do you know how often I get away from those three lovely monsters? I haven’t had this much me time in ages. I want to drink. You guys will get to introduce me to some Western alcohol!”  
   
 Yuuri smiled sheepishly and glanced at his feet for a moment before looking up at her again.  
 “Thanks for coming.”  
 “That’s more like it.” Yuuko smiled back.  
 Victor tilted his head slightly at them. “Sorry, but you have three monsters?”  
 “Triplets,” Phichit nodded. “Almost four now?”  
 Victor hummed. “Just like Yuuko Nishigori then.”  
   
 Yuuri and Phichit both yelped as Yuuko yanked both their ears.  
 “You two,” she growled. “Why do you always do this?”  
 “You like your privacy!” Yuuri complained. “You always complain about the press and everything!”  
 Victor’s eyes went wide. “You… are Yuuko Nishigori?”  
 Yuuko let go of both of their ears.  
 Yuuri rubbed his. “It’s not like we weren’t going to introduce you properly,” Yuuri grumbled. “Just not in public areas or over text.” He knew that Yuuko was rolling her eyes at him as she introduced herself properly to Victor. What he didn’t expect was for both of them to immediately fan over each other and for Phichit to have to shove them all out, claiming (incorrectly) that they would miss their reservation otherwise and that they should really let Yuuri get dressed.  
   
 He exchanged a fond smile with Phichit as he started moving them all out the door. It wouldn’t take him all that long to change, it was more that he needed to put his clothes back on. He was glad that they were here with him. Supporting him.  
   
 It was a good thing that they had arranged where they were going to eat ahead of time, or Yuuri never would have caught up to them, or seen them in the hidden corner. It took a text each from Yuuko and Phichit before he stumbled upon the hidden booth.  
 “Hi~” Victor beamed at him.  
 Yuuri blinked and felt his heart wobbling at the dazzling smile on the model’s face. It was so different from what he’d seen before. He slipped in beside Phichit, laying his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder and closing his eyes for a moment. Exhaustion started to hit him partway through the walk down to the pub.  
   
 He jostled awake when Phichit shook him and he saw a table full of shareables and a beer in front of him.  
 “Oh, I’m sorry,” Yuuri mumbled. How rude could he be to just pass out like that? He took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes before looking at the table and deciding what he wanted.  
 “Its fine,” Yuuko smiled. “You did a lot of work!”  
 “For nothing,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 Victor snorted. “You never achieve anything when you first start.”  
 The table went silent as Victor popped a garlic mushroom into his mouth and hummed.  
 “It… isn’t my first time.” Yuuri stared at the table, willing himself into the abyss.  
 “Oh, I know, but it’s your first time trying a pole dancing competition isn’t it?”  
   
 Yuuri stared at Victor. How the hell could he know that? He glanced at Phichit who just gave him a shrug, Yuuko shook her head as well.  
 “Did… Chris…?”  
 Victor snorted and cracked his nacho into the salsa with his force. “No. I’m ignoring Chris right now.”  
 Yuuri watched Victor move. It was strange to see the grace he had seen in Victor’s body disappearing. He glanced at Phichit and Yuuko, who both shrugged as well and they continued eating.  
   
 The plates were about half empty before the conversation started to pick up again. Victor was picking at Yuuko’s brain for her process, where Yuuko was waving off her influence, citing some of Victor’s early work to give her the momentum to continue.  
 “But no, really, how did you all meet?” Yuuko leaned her head on her hand.  
 Yuuri had about two beers at this point, typically nowhere near enough to get him anything more than buzzed— but his face broke into a flush. He could feel the blood heating up his cheeks. Oh god, did they forget to tell Yuuko when they visited? He definitely remembered talking about the viral video - but he never really watched it himself. He shot a pleading look at Phichit, who was looking just slightly confused.  
 “Yuuko…” Phichit tilted his head slightly.  
 She grinned and winked. “I just wanted to see the two them blush! Don’t worry.”  
 Yuuri wasn’t drunk enough for this. He downed the rest of his beer and waved the waiter over for another one. It seemed like it would be one of those nights where Yuuko was determined to bring out as many photos of them as children as she could. Anything she could do to embarrass him.  
   
 Yuuri glanced up at Victor, wondering if he was just as embarrassed or not. But Victor was staring somewhere between him and Phichit with the oddest look on his face. He glanced over at Phichit, who was just laughing at Yuuko and glancing back at them every now and then.  
 “Something wrong?” Yuuri looked back at Victor.  
 A pang went through Yuuri’s heart at Victor’s smile, aching within him.  
 “Just that you two look good together,” Victor murmured.  
 “I know right? I’ve had to beat their asses more than once about how they work well!” Yuuko groaned, letting her head rest on the table for a little.  
 Phichit scowled. “Yuuko! It isn’t that simple and you know it!”  
 “It is!” Yuuko insisted. “Even Victor sees it!”  
 A different flush filled Victor’s face and he looked away from the table, his eyes scanning over the pub.  
   
 Yuuri was starting to wonder just what he had hoped would come from this. They were all clearly making Victor uncomfortable. It just seemed… wrong to leave off their interactions as what happened at breakfast so long ago.  
 “Sorry,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 “No,” Victor shook his head. “She isn’t wrong. It’s just… Well you could say that I’m still adjusting.”  
 “Eeeeh!” Yuuko spun in her seat to face Victor. “Wait, what?!”  
 Phichit smiled sheepishly at Victor. “We just said that Chris hired Yuuri to dance with you as a favour…”  
 “Oh, well that’s my bad then.” Victor winked at Yuuko. “Keep it on the low though, okay~?”  
 Yuuri frowned. There was that plastic smile across Victor’s face again. He wasn’t even aware that he had started to relax among them until he just stiffened up.  
 “No problem!” Yuuko smiled. “Tonight is a secret! To be shared among the Yuuri fangroup!”  
   
 Yuuri stared at her. He misheard, he had to have misheard her.  
 “OH! Look at that Yuuko! We need to get you to the airport!! Yuuri, Victor take care of the rest of the food for us? Victor I’m relying on you to get Yuuri home! Don’t let him drink too much! Or… you know what, scratch that last one!”  
 The two of them nodded. Yuuri was a little glad to be able to shuffle out, if only to hug his friend and take a small trip to the washroom.  
 Somehow the booth felt smaller when he sat back down and it was just him and Victor now. Thankfully he had another glass at his seat. There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence between them as they continued to eat. Victor’s eyes kept boring into him, but he had no idea why. Had he done something wrong? Besides his entire routine— but no he was trying to forget that! He took a large gulp of the beer.  
 “Did Phichit tell you he propositioned me for you?”  
 Yuuri froze halfway to another nacho, his eyes finally darting up to meet Victor’s.  
 “Pro… proposition?”  
 Victor’s face twisted slightly and he looked a bit to the side. “I guess not.”  
 “Wait— wait. What are you talking about proposition?”  
 “It was when you first called,” Victor sighed. “That he would be fine with a… an arrangement.”  
 Oh. That. Yuuri blinked, Phichit had been pushing for that for a fair while and only let off when Yuuri told him to shove off before he made them go vegetarian for a month.  
 “Oh, he talked to me about that a lot before.” Yuuri huffed a sigh to the end of the booth. “I think he doesn’t have enough faith in himself. We have our good days and our bad ones, I just hope that there’s more good ones in the future though.”  
   
 A smile finally creeped back onto Victor’s face and he smiled. “I hope so too. What was it like for you two?”  
 Victor leaned on his hand and it only took a drink or two more after that for them to be talking avidly about how they grew up, trading several stories about Chris between them. The drink after that they decided to start playing Never Have I Ever, and Yuuri lost track of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing competitions is _hard_ (yes I pretty much copped out of it), also I wasn’t too sure how these are run too much – I didn’t want to bother my contact about it too much ^^;


	18. Only If You Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor gets Yuuri home and has a more personal talk with Phichit

 Victor thought of several ways that meeting Phichit would go down, especially after doing a quick check through his Instagram. If he was going to get slugged, he’d at least like to see it coming. So far the night had gone surprisingly well, until the very end. So he wasn’t surprised to see the shorter Thai boy in front of him when he knocked at the door. He was, however very surprised to see nothing like anger or resentment on his face. Just acceptance as he took in Yuuri’s listing form as a result of their collective night out.  
   
 He was sure they made quite a picture. Victor felt like he was half dragging Yuuri when Yuuri wasn’t clinging to him like crazy. He was fairly certain that this wasn’t what Phichit meant when he said to ‘take care’ of Yuuri and before running out the door with Yuuko. There was something odd about Phichit that he hadn’t placed. He wanted to know more, but he had intruded on them, on their relationship far too much already. He didn’t belong here, no matter how much the smell of the shop put him at ease, or how easily into their banter he fell. He didn’t belong.  
   
 “There’s no helping it,” Phichit sighed. “How’re your arms?”  
 Victor frowned slightly. “Sorry?”  
 “It’s hard to walk side by side up the stairs. It’s easier if you can carry him. Or convince him to piggyback.”  
 “I can carry Victor up!” Yuuri chirped.  
 Victor felt the blood rush from his face at the thought. Normally he’d be willing to let Yuuri try, but definitely not when he was halfway gone— if not fully. Phichit seemed to find this normal, already ferreting in one of the locked cabinets.  
 “You owe me, Yuuri,” Phichit mumbled.  
 Yuuri tilted his head, clinging harder to Victor’s arm. What did Victor do to deserve this? Why did he have to suffer like this?  
 “Sorry,” Victor mumbled.  
 Phichit shook his head. “No, it really smacks him when he hits his limit. That’s why I asked you to look after him. _Some_ of us have work in the morning.”  
 Victor couldn’t help a small laugh as Yuuri stuck his tongue out at Phichit.  
 “I think I can carry him…” Victor glanced at Yuuri as Phichit finally dug out the bottle he wanted.  
   
 “There we go. Drink up Yuuri!”  
 Victor glanced behind him as Yuuri shifted to hide from Phichit.  
 “Don’t want to.”  
 Phichit rolled his eyes. “Just because you want to hide from Victor doesn’t mean I’m going to enable you. You’re taking the hangover medicine if I have to pour it down your throat so I don’t have to hear you complain in the morning about how ridiculous you’re being.”  
   
 Victor raised an eyebrow. “I thought that you don’t like ‘encouraging behaviour’.”  
 Phichit snorted. “I don’t. Yuuri used to do this on purpose to forget things he finds embarrassing or pretend to forget. I’m just not putting up with it today.”  
 That… actually hurt a little.  
 Victor glanced behind him at Yuuri. “You don’t want to remember?”  
 “I did bad,” Yuuri hiccupped. “Phichit has to eat Houdini.”  
 Victor threw Phichit a strange look. How did someone eat a dead magician? He certainly hoped that Phichit wasn’t planning to go grave robbing.  
 “One of my hamsters.”  
 Ah. That made more sense… except for the eating part. “But you didn’t do that badly, and he won’t eat Houdini.”  
 “Should have been better,” Yuuri mumbled. “My fault.”  
 “Right. Your fault that your mind eats you alive for anything in public.” Phichit rolled his eyes. Victor was starting to get the idea that this was a regular argument for them.  
 “Yup!” Yuuri grinned. “You’re learning!”  
 “True. That’s why you’re drinking this or I _am_ eating Houdini!”  
 Yuuri wailed and slunk out from behind Victor, still wobbly on his feet to accept the potion.  
   
 Phichit grabbed hold of him, smiling so brightly it hurt. How could Victor have missed how in love both of them were? But he didn’t expect _Phichit_ to be the one to drink the potion and— oh. No. His eyes were drawn to both of them, linked together. He could see Yuuri’s throat bob, barely a trickle of the potion escaping, that Phichit just wiped away with his finger. Love was infused into every action, every smile. His mind keened at him, reminding him of what he lost, what he could never have.  
 “Now, let Victor take you upstairs.” A devilish smile would have suited Phichit more than the angelic one he was giving Yuuri.  
   
 Victor returned a weak smile at Yuuri and wobbled slightly as Yuuri slung his arms around his neck.  
 “Phichit carried me once! Your turn!” A bubbling laugh escaped from Yuuri. Victor felt his face flush. He wasn’t doing a good job of keeping his distance from Yuuri. Of letting him go. At the same time, Phichit seemed determined to dig his claws into him for some reason or other. Victor didn’t quite understand what was going on anymore, and he failed to get a proper answer out of Yuuri earlier before he had too many drinks.  
   
 He knew that he acted badly on his first meeting with Yuuri. That he was just everywhere. Even now he could feel devotion seeping out of the incubi in his arms. Part of him yearned to take a small part of that into himself, to remember how it felt. But it wasn’t for him, he didn’t deserve it. He shouldn’t open himself up more to look and see. Even if it might help him let go. He followed Phichit’s directions to the bedroom, ignoring Yuuri’s pleas to join him.  
   
 Yuuri deserved better. Victor did get him a glass of water on the bedside, making sure that he would stay and rest. It seemed like the day had finally caught up with him, letting him slip straight into the black void. Victor let a wistful smile cross his face. It was only on standing to leave that he noticed the posters. Chris wasn’t kidding when he said that Yuuri was a fan, it was shown through all the walls, each one carefully placed. It hurt even more when he left and went back down the stairs.  
   
 Phichit raised an eyebrow. “That was quick.”  
 Victor frowned. “What did you think would happen?”  
 “That Yuuri would cling to you and force you to sleep with him in the bed.”  
 It almost happened. Victor stiffened. “I wouldn’t impose.”  
 Phichit snorted. “You really don’t know how to take hints do you?”  
 Victor stared at him. Hints for what? Hints that Phichit wanted him to sleep with his boyfriend?  
 “I don’t do short term,” Victor murmured.  
 “What the hell made you think that this would be short?” Phichit snorted. “We don’t do anything by halves.”  
 “That’s why you kissed him like that?”  
 Phichit blinked. “I kiss him because I like it? I mean…”  
 Was that a blush on Phichit’s cheeks? “Normally we don’t… kiss like that but… I enjoy it. I just normally prefer cuddles and everything and…” Phichit gave a hand-wave. “I think I can count on my hands how many times I’ve actually _wanted_ sex since puberty.”  
 “Oh.” There wasn’t much else that Victor could think to say to that. It felt odd to him that Phichit would just _volunteer_ that information to a complete stranger.  
   
 “Yeah. That and you haven’t been waving that party around in my face and got upset about Chris.” Phichit frowned. “So…” Phichit huffed and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, I’m bad at this.”  
 “Why don’t you just get down to the point?” Victor tilted his head. He still had no idea what Phichit was trying to do. Was he trying to warn him away from Yuuri or trying to proposition him again?  
 “Maybe Yuuri had the right way of it, being drunk when talking to you,” Phichit muttered.  
 Victor placed a hand on his hip. “Only if you want this conversation to get strange.”  
 “It’s going to be strange regardless.” Phichit touched a finger to his lips. “Okay. Let’s play 20 questions.”  
 What? Victor stared at Phichit. He wanted to play a guessing game?  
 “I ask a question, you ask a question. Or vice versa. You know what. You ask a question first. Get to know each other.”  
 Victor’s brows furrowed. Why the _hell_ would you name something like that 20 questions?  
 “Work with me here, Victor,” Phichit sighed. “I’m not Yuuri. I haven’t been staring at your picture for the past twenty some years.”  
 “I wasn’t modelling twenty years ago!” Victor protested. “I’m not _that_ old.”  
 “How old _are_ you?”  
 “Twenty-eight,” Victor scowled. “Not old! You?”  
 Phichit shrugged. “Twenty-one. See, not too bad, asking questions. What do you think of Yuuri?”  
 If Victor had been walking instead of standing near the store counter, he was certain he would have tripped over nothing. As it was, he was just feeling increasingly awkward.  
 “He’s brilliant.” Victor couldn’t stop the words from tumbling from his mouth. “He’s kind, he… he didn’t treat me like I was a model, like I was _more_.”  
 “Like you were a person?”  
 Victor sighed and moved to lean against the wall. “Something like that. Even the morning after.”  
 Phichit hummed, his eyes narrowing. Victor began to wonder if he would actually see Yuuri again, or if Phichit was going to go and rip all those posters down.  
   
 “Have you ever watched the Skater and the King?”  
 Victor blinked. That was a question that he didn’t really expect, and off of Phichit’s turn too. “No? I haven’t watched many films or shows.”  
 “Okay. It’s late. Well. Early, whatever.” Phichit walked out from behind the counter. “It’s my favourite movie, but I prefer company when I watch. Do you want to stay?”  
 Oh. Victor’s eyes widened. He had just planned to get a cab, not wanting to impose on them, on their living arrangements. But… Phichit wanted him here? In their space?  
 “You want me to spend the night?”  
 Phichit smiled. “I want to know more about you, and if it means introducing one of the best models to the best movie ever I’d be game for it. Besides, I’m going to love seeing Yuuri’s face in the morning and try to see him talk himself out of this again.”  
   
 Victor frowned. “What do you mean?”  
 Phichit paused. “You’ve seen Yuuri at his best. And Yuuri when he’s… okay. But you haven’t really… seen him yet.” Phichit headed to the stairs. “Are you coming?”  
 Victor huffed, “Of course! Would you let me take you both to breakfast tomorrow at least then?”  
 Phichit missed a step, sliding down to one knee as he stared at Victor. He pointed at himself, then up the stairs. “Both?”  
 Victor snorted. “Yes. Both. After all I’m imposing on both of you aren’t I?”  
 “Is it imposing if I invited you?” Phichit raised an eyebrow.  
 “Yes, given the guilt factor of it’s after midnight.”  
 Phichit let out a sigh. “Only midnight… I can remember the days… wait. Can’t do that without Yuuri. Dammit.”  
 Victor hid a smile. “Who’s old now?”  
 “Oh please, like you aren’t tired.”  
 “I’m _always_ tired. International travel does that to you.”  
   
 Phichit paused then sighed and picked himself back up to reach the upper floor. “True. Our trip to Japan had us both knocked out for a day or so.”  
 “Japan?” Victor looked up. When did they have time to go there?  
 “That’s where we were when we called you the first time.” Phichit shrugged. “I just wanted to make Yuuri happy, then it became a good way for him to get away from the viral video. There were other reasons too of course but…”  
 “Its fine,” Victor smiled. “I just wasn’t sure how you managed that.”  
 Phichit snorted. “I got tired of snagging my socks on the floor.” Almost to show the difference, Phichit _slid_ across the floor to the rug in front of the tv.  
 Victor’s eyes went wide. “That was so cool!”  
 “Try! Shoes off!” Phichit grinned. Victor never tried sliding across his floors - perhaps that was something he’d have to change in the future, regardless of if Chris, Isabella or JJ were there. He tucked his shoes away with Phichit’s and forwent the slippers to take a quick step and slide— onto his face. Okay, no he caught himself but it was a close thing!  
 He groaned and let himself flop onto the floor. “I must be old. I can’t floor skate!”  
 Phichit laughed. He couldn’t hear it, but he _knew_ Phichit was laughing at him. For a good reason too. Victor sighed and picked himself up off the floor. Sure enough, Phichit was clutching his stomach.  
 “I’m happy my pain brings you joy,” Victor groaned as he got up.  
   
 “You need the right socks for it,” Phichit murmured.  
 Victor stared at him. “You mean you just _let_ me think I could skate across the floor?”  
 Phichit shrugged. “It was possible that you could have. It did occur to me it was more likely you couldn’t, fancy socks and all.”  
 Victor stared at his socks mournfully. He would have to make sure to get a list of socks that he could slide across floors with. It seemed like a perfect thing to relax after a long day. He was certain that Makkachin would enjoy chasing him too.  
 “So…” Victor walked over and plopped down onto the rug, leaning against the couch. “What is this movie about?”  
 Phichit grinned. “Oh, Victor… I’m not going to spoil this for you.”  
 Victor stared at the screen as the menu cycled. He was sure this would be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still get really confused when I see someone say ‘lets play 20 questions’ and they really mean ask questions back and forth just because 20 questions to me is the guessing game where you have 20 questions to guess what the person is thinking of.


	19. Stay Close to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit wakes up to an odd surprise and a playful fight over breakfast ensues.

 Phichit was certain that he was dreaming. First off— he never woke up with the sun in his eyes. Yuuri bought the blackout curtains for a reason— and he was never awake after Yuuri. Okay, he wasn’t up after Yuuri on a normal day. But Yuuri had gone out drinking, and came back…  
   
 Oh, Victor. Yuuri came back with Victor. Victor was the weight on his head, it was also Victor’s shoulder he was asleep on— possibly a carryover habit from resting his head on Yuuri’s. Phichit finally cracked open an eye to the death of the night and a black screen. Perhaps it was worthwhile getting one of those sleep timer TV things. He would have to thank Yuuri for insisting on the feature when Phichit insisted on a decently sized screen. Phichit smiled at the memory. Yuuri didn’t realise the moment he declared the need for a sleep function was when Phichit won the argument about getting a new TV and had huffed about it for a week after.  
   
 Phichit glanced towards their room at the quiet rustling from it. That was probably what woke him up. It definitely wasn’t Victor, whose hand just curled around Phichit’s waist and brought him closer as the sound grew louder. Oh, he hoped that Yuuri would bring his camera out to get a picture of this. A smile drifted onto Phichit’s face. Victor wasn’t too bad after all. It was easy to see why Yuuri had him up on a pedestal, and even why he still at least liked him after he was off it.  
   
 Phichit glanced towards the bedroom door. Damn Yuuri was slow at getting ready in the mornings. He knew that already but now he _knew_ how bad it was. Although he definitely didn’t expect the thunk out of bed. He winced at how much that must have hurt, only to see Yuuri flying out of the bedroom, looking panicked. Oh. He thought Phichit never made it to bed?  
   
 Phichit let out a low ‘shush’ and mimed taking a picture when Yuuri caught his eye. Yuuri just stared at them both for a moment, eyes wide before darting back into the bedroom. Hopefully to get his camera, and not to have an internal freakout. Either one was possible. Phichit glanced to the side at Victor. It really was too cute, and he wasn’t even getting the full effect.  
   
 It was only the flash and shutter sound that drew him out of his reverie, and had Victor jolting awake. Phichit snorted and held out a hand for his phone while Victor stared around him, bemused.  
 “Sleep well?” Oh, it was a gorgeous photo. Phichit’s finger hovered over it. He knew that Yuuri looked at Victor like the sun rose in his eyes— okay maybe it did. Phichit was certain even the best painters wouldn’t be able to correctly capture the depth in Victor’s eyes. It was likely how Yuuri realised something was wrong with Victor actually. Phichit noted he would have to look at all the posters again later.  
 “Oh. That’s a good photo.” Victor’s hands hovered over Phichit’s, his chin resting on Phichit’s shoulder. He swore his body temperature must have risen several degrees now and _Yuuri was laughing at him_. Oh my god, he was going to hear so much about this later now!  
   
 “Mmm. Definitely saving it. Breakfast?” Phichit raised an eyebrow, shooing Yuuri away from the kitchen when he started moving. Yuuri gave him a confused look, to which Phichit simply tilted his head at Victor. Yuuri scowled at him, arms crossed.  
 “Wow, you two have been together for a while!”  
 Phichit paused in his own reprimand to look at Victor. “What? Not really.”  
 Victor was touching a finger to his lips, his hand on Phichit’s waist was now supporting his sitting position on the rug. “Really? Because I had _no_ idea what you two were talking about, but you were definitely talking without talking!”  
 “Oh,” Yuuri huffed, a small smile on his face. “I was just going to get breakfast started.”  
 “What?” Victor shot up so quickly that Phichit was _glad_ he was the shorter one or he might have gotten a head to the jaw. “No! I’m taking you both out!”  
   
 Oh, this _would_ be entertaining! Phichit hid a grin as Yuuri set himself, scowl in full force. Phichit found himself caving more than once when Yuuri set himself like this. Okay, part of it was that Yuuri was just too darned cute and he was curious to see how Victor would handle it.  
 “No you’re not. You’re going to _sit_ back on that couch and let me make breakfast for the two _idiots_ that stayed up all night watching the King and the Skater. Maybe by that point I’ll forgive you,” he pointed at Victor. “For convincing me to do that drinking game. And you,” he pointed at Phichit. “For being the reason I remember _all of it._ ”  
 Phichit leaned to whisper to Victor. “Told you it’s more a deterrent for him if I gave it to him.”  
 “Not. The. Point.” Yuuri’s hands were placed firmly on his waist. “ _And_ you’re going to be late for opening the shop.”  
   
 Victor just tilted his head at Yuuri. Phichit leaned a little forward to see that Victor was _pouting_.  
 “But our breakfast got interrupted last time. I still owe you that one.”  
 Yuuri laughed. “Late to collect on that one, try again. You bought all the drinks last night.”  
 Damn, Phichit glanced at Victor. He had a good point, but there was a reason that Phichit never won an argument like this with Yuuri. Except for the one where he managed to bedazzle him into submission. It worked all of once and then Yuuri had been prepared for him.  
 “I… would really like to get to know you and Phichit more,” Victor whispered.  
 Phichit stared at Victor. He was fairly certain Yuuri was too.  
 There was definitely a waver in Yuuri’s voice now. “You can do that here. In private. Private. Yes.”  
 Phichit glanced at Yuuri. Oh, his boyfriend was _so red_. Victor was _good_.  
 “We can talk while I cook?” Yuuri bit his lip and glanced away, his stance softening. Oh, Victor had him now by the throat.  
 “What would you cook?” Victor asked, a slight tilt to his head. Phichit bit back a groan. Victor definitely needed more practice in how to overwhelm Yuuri Katsuki when He Believes He Is Right. Okay, most of the time he was right.  
 “I… wanted a home breakfast.” Yuuri shot a pleading look at Phichit. Oh. Okay, he would let this one fold.  
 “Sorry Victor.” Phichit shot him a small smile. “Looks like we’re in for a Japanese breakfast.”  
   
 Victor’s eyes widened and Phichit _swore_ his smile looked like a heart emoji! How was that possible?!  
 “Really? I look forward to it then! Can we watch?”  
 Yuuri looked befuddled. “I… figured Phichit would help and you could talk to us at the same time.”  
 Ouch. Yuuri would get him back like that, typical. Phichit sighed and stood up, wincing at how much his body was complaining to him.  
 “I guess this is my payback then,” Phichit sighed. “Manual labour.”  
 Yuuri snorted. “You would just be preparing potions in your study room otherwise.”  
 Sadly, Yuuri had a point. Although, today he might have settled for taking pictures of their morning trio instead.  
 Victor tilted his head towards Phichit. “You make your potions here?”  
 “Yup! Some ingredients I get shipped here, but uh…” Phichit paused. “You know what it might be easier to show you. Yuuri!”  
   
 Yuuri waved him off as he dug in the fridge. Phichit took a moment to admire the A+ toosh in front of him. He wasn’t going to give up that sight if he could. He and Victor let out a sigh when Yuuri stood up.  
 Yuuri looked over his shoulder. “You have one minute.”  
 “What! Two’s needed at the _very_ least!”  
 “You had two. You just spent one staring at my ass.”  
 “Worth it,” Victor mumbled.  
 Phichit shook his head. “You say that now. You’re going to be the one stuck in the room staring with zero explanations.” He hesitated for a moment before tugging on Victor’s wrist to break the hypnotic gaze of Yuuri’s back. He envied Victor a little, since he would be able to observe both of them instead of having to concentrate on not chopping his fingers off.  
   
 Once Phichit managed to get him _into_ the study room, diverting his attention was easy enough. Victor’s eyes went wide from the quantity of green. A good portion of Phichit’s week went towards caring for his livelihood and his hamsters. Who did appear to currently be helping him pump water through the system.  
 “Welcome to my setup!” Phichit grinned. His large cauldron was under the desk right now, possibly stuffed with books. He would have to check that later and clean it out again soon. The smaller cauldron was tucked under one of the plant shelves, he needed to check that brew soon to top up on his calming solutions. Victor seemed speechless, staring at them all.  
 “Ten seconds!” Yuuri called.  
 Phichit yelped. “Feel free to look! Just put them back where you find them and _don’t touch the hamsters!_ ”  
   
 He slipped back out, leaving Victor in his star struck state. He sighed when he saw the rice cooker in the sink.  
 “Really? You just hate the thing don’t you?”  
 Yuuri just turned his head and kicked up an eyebrow. “The thing always _burns_ when I use it.”  
 “We could just get a new one? We’ve had it since we moved in together.”  
 Yuuri snorted. “It’s still fine if you can make food in it. We don’t need a new one.”  
 Phichit sighed, so much for attempting to get a new rice cooker— again. Although, leaving Yuuri in charge of their finances was probably one of the better decisions. Phichit got too tempted by everything, and Yuuri was too used to holding him back. Phichit felt a slow flush building when he remembered how Yuuri would hold him back from some of the sales.  
   
 “What are you thinking about?” Yuuri whispered in his ear.  
 Phichit hummed and just smiled. “It’s a secret.”  
 Yuuri raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”  
 Phichit nodded. “Secret.”  
 “What would I have to pay for this secret?” Yuuri tilted his head to the side. Oh boy, Phichit was definitely starting to feel a little warm now. He glanced towards the work room, but it seemed Victor was quite taken with a few of the plants he kept just for fun.  
 “Hm.” Phichit’s eyes darted back to Yuuri. “I’m not sure.” He moved their lips a little closer. “Why don’t you try me?”  
 Yuuri’s lips slotting over his own always felt like perfection. A cup of hot chocolate on a cold day, warming him through. It always felt like it was over too soon, even as his face heated up more. Yuuri pressed another kiss to the tip of his nose.  
 “Well?”  
 “I… uh. I forgot.” Phichit blushed.  
   
 “Yuuri kisses are the best aren’t they?”  
 Phichit almost jumped out of his skin. He definitely splashed water when he tipped the rice cooker pot a bit. Thankfully, it was all in the sink.  
 “Sorry,” Victor smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I should know better.”  
 Phichit glanced at Yuuri and _oh_. He forgave Victor for almost making him spill breakfast on the floor because Yuuri was _red_ as he worked at the cutting board.  
   
 Phichit let out a little sigh and smiled at Victor. “They are.”  
 Victor nodded, and Phichit was just barely able to catch the wistful smile that crossed his face.  
 “Phichit’s kisses are more amazing,” Yuuri mumbled.  
 “But _Yuuri_ ,” Phichit whined. “You can’t know that! You’re biased! You can’t kiss yourself!”  
 Horror filled his chest for a moment at the gleam in Yuuri’s eye. What did he set himself up for? Yuuri turned to face them both, a quiet smile on his face. “Well shouldn’t we test that?”  
   
 “How?” Phichit had a feeling exactly how, but he wanted it to come from Yuuri’s mouth. Or Victor’s. He glanced over at the model, wondering if he had realised it. Oh, Victor was looking at him thoughtfully too. He glanced back at Yuuri, who just smiled at him.  
 “We could try?” Victor offered. “I mean. Give my opinion. I… I’m going to go now!” Phichit barely snagged Victor’s shirt hem.  
 “You had to make him say it?” Phichit complained. “I don’t want to chase your lanky idol down the street on the weekend!”  
 Yuuri laughed. “Victor. You don’t have to do anything.”  
 “What if we want to?” Phichit challenged. Oh, there was a bit of heat to Yuuri’s cheeks. He dared to let go of Victor’s shirt hem now that he wasn’t actively trying to get away. He glanced back at Victor and tilted his head slightly.  
 “I’m willing if you are.” It seemed like they were trying to grow tomatoes today with how many blushes were flying around the house today.  
 “I…” Victor’s eyes flitted to Yuuri, then Phichit, then back to Yuuri.  
 “I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t okay with it.”  
 “But you didn’t?” Victor frowned at Yuuri.  
 Phichit smiled. “Sorry Victor, that silent conversation thing you were complaining about. Yuuri just happened to win this round.”  
 “Why?”  
 “You spoke first.” Phichit hesitated a moment before taking a step towards Victor and tilting his head up.  
 A playful glint entered Victor’s eyes. Good, Phichit would hate for him to actually feel awkward, but if he was willing to play with them— to learn… maybe his idea could work. Nerves began to eat at him as Victor simply stood there, waiting for Phichit to make his move.  
   
 Fine. He would play this game _and win_. He let his face come closer to Victor’s, one hand placed behind his head to draw them closer. Then kissed him on the nose when Victor’s eyes slid shut. He laughed a little at the groan that came from Victor, who buried his face in his hands. Phichit was fairly certain that Yuuri was laughing his butt off behind him.  
 “Sorry, not sorry,” Phichit smiled, tilting Victor’s head towards him again. He gently nudged at the hands covering his face and let his lips meet Victor’s. It was different from kissing Yuuri. Yuuri tended to either shy away, or go full force. Victor… Victor was both. He was hesitant to start, until Phichit started giving little kisses to his lips, then Victor returned it full of passion.  
   
 It was always strange for him to recognise those kinds of kisses, even while they didn’t do much for him. They were enjoyable, but never led to him really wanting _more_. Unless more was more kisses and cuddles anyways. It was fun figuring that out to begin with, and he was preparing to push Victor back, before it got too much for him. He never expected Victor to take the first step back, planting one last kiss on Phichit’s nose.  
 Phichit blinked at him. “Wow.”  
 “Wow.” Yuuri agreed.  
 Victor nodded, hand back at the back of his neck. “Wow.”  
 Phichit smiled and turned to Yuuri. “Can we keep him?”  
 “Can we—” Yuuri squawked. “ _Phichit!_ ”  
 Phichit pouted. “Why not?” he glanced over at Victor. He did forget to bring it up with either of them before but…  
   
 He wasn’t going insane seeing this chemistry right?  
 His heart sunk when he saw a smile plastered onto Victor’s face.  
 “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” The line was delivered smoothly and flatly.  
 Phichit stared. Shit, did he fuck up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phichit: -puts foot into mouth-


	20. You Only Live Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationship plannings and everyone actually talks to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had one of the scenes in here written partway through the fic and I was going to cry if these boys devolved and made me change the outline so I couldn’t use it. That said, I did get to keep the scene so I’m happy and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

 Victor had no idea what Phichit had planned, only that he had a familiar sick feeling in his stomach. That oddly familiar feeling of dread, of despair when a family split up because of him - because he fed on their devotion. That was the first and last time he let himself feed on a third party, no matter what his parents said. Yuuri… Yuuri Victor thought was full of adoration for him, when he actually had a boyfriend that he loved with all his heart.  
   
 He was doing it again, destroying a good thing that would be better off alone.  
   
 Victor promised himself long ago that he would never do that again. He _told_ Chris that much at least. There was still the remnants of a forest fire when he thought of how his friend took advantage of his state and lack of knowledge. He let it go, just because it didn’t seem to affect Yuuri… but now… now he didn’t know. Victor would do what he could to prevent the happy couple from breaking up because of him. Even if he had to shatter Yuuri’s heart.  
   
 Phichit was still silent, a slight paleness to his face as their eyes met.  
 “Phichit,” Yuuri was the first one to break the silence. “What _did_ you mean?”  
 Victor glanced over, and _oh_ Yuuri looked peeved as well.  
 “Just what it sounded like?” Phichit glanced between the two of them. “I mean…” Phichit’s face scrunched up. Victor just kept looking at him, waiting out an answer.  
 “I don’t mind sharing,” Phichit whispered.  
 “ _Phichit!_ ” Yuuri strode, fire in each step. Victor watched as the bubbly Phichit suddenly curled into himself.  
 “Yuuri,” he called. “Let him finish.” He couldn’t let this destroy them. He _couldn’t_. Even now Yuuri was radiating love, twining closer to Phichit.  
   
 Yuuri’s eyes could have set him on fire, he was certain of it. It certainly set his blood afire, and he was almost certain that there was a bit of a blush on his face.  
 “No,” Yuuri stood toe to toe with Victor. “You don’t know us.”  
 He didn’t, he knew that. But for Phichit to recoil like that… there was something else.  
 “No, I don’t,” Victor admitted. “But, I know he was happy a moment ago until you tried to set the kitchen on fire.”  
 Yuuri made The Cutest Sound and backed up, eyes back to Phichit. Phichit was staring at Victor, slightly slackjawed. He wasn’t that impressive was he?  
 Victor tilted his head slightly. “So?”  
 Phichit bit his lip and glanced at Yuuri, before looking back at Victor.  
 “I just… I think the three of us balance well,” Phichit murmured.  
 Yuuri opened his mouth, but Victor managed to place a single finger on his lips, effectively shushing him.  
 “Really? I would argue that even as I don’t know you two that well, you don’t know me.”  
 Yuuri and Phichit both laughed.  
 Victor tilted his head and smiled slightly. “After all Phichit, didn’t you invite me over so that we could get to know each other better?”  
 Phichit shrugged. “Yes and no. I’m also not enough of an asshole to send you out that late. Getting to know you was a bonus. You staying up to watch with me… your commentary…” There was an odd shine to Phichit’s eyes. “It’s worth trying I think.”  
 “Phichit.” Yuuri’s voice was quieter now. “Tell me this isn’t because…”  
 Phichit shook his head. “No, I mean… it’s a factor? But I think we would be okay for Victor too.”  
 Victor froze, his smile definitely felt plastered on now. “Oh? Why’s that?”  
 “You’re alone right?” Phichit raised an eyebrow. “And… well it’s obvious you like Yuuri. I can’t imagine you staying up that late watching movies with me just to impress him, so we’d get along at the very least. I just thought… but that’s your choice.”  
   
 “I’m not a pity case!” Victor’s eyes snapped to them both coldly. “I don’t need your charity!” He wasn’t _broken_. No, he wasn’t really healthy either but he could live, he could cope.  
 “It’s not charity!” Phichit drew up to his full height and stepped towards Victor. “Do you think, for one moment, that I would have let you _near_ Yuuri if I thought you would hurt him?” Victor recoiled slightly.  
 “What? I don’t have a say in any of this?” Yuuri glared at Phichit, stepping towards them. Victor didn’t realise how much _heat_ Phichit’s eyes held on him until they flicked to Yuuri and softened.  
 “I love you, Yuuri. But sometimes you don’t realise when something is good for you.”  
 Victor’s jaw slackened when Yuuri started to _laugh_. What the hell about any of this was funny?  
 “You’re one to talk.” Yuuri shoved Phichit lightly.  
 Phichit rolled with the shove and his eyes lowered to the floor. “I still maintain that I’m not good for you,” he whispered.  
   
 Victor’s eyes widened, what the hell was going on? What could make that intense fire from Phichit die down to mere embers so quickly? Not good for Yuuri? Victor could _feel_ the bond between the two of them even when he was actively trying to ignore it.  
 “Victor… Victor can give you something I can’t.”  
 “Bullshit.” The words fell from Victor’s mouth without thinking. They both stared at him, eyes wide. “Don’t you _dare_ demean what you both have. I can _feel_ it. It _oozes_ from both of you. Do you know my Lack?” They didn’t. Victor was careful to keep it out of the media, although the running theory was sexual emotions simply from the spreads he did. People were so simple minded. But… Yuuri and Phichit had seen _him_ … they had probably realised that those posters, those interviews weren’t _him_.  
   
 “Devotion,” Victor whispered. He dropped their gazes to look out the window. “Love, and devotion. You both…” His voice caught for a moment. _He would not cry_. “I can’t get in the way of that. I _won’t_.”  
 Victor glanced back to see Yuuri and Phichit look at each other for barely a moment before they burst into laughter. He stared at them, uncomprehending. What the _hell_ could have been funny about that?  
 “Oh boy, You’re _oblivious_.” Phichit wiped at his eyes. “You’re as bad as Yuuri.”  
 Victor frowned and Yuuri nudged Phichit, rolling his eyes.  
 “Victor,” Phichit stepped forward, that smile on his face again. This time… it felt like more somehow.  
 “Open up Victor,” Yuuri murmured, his eyes gleaming. “Just… Feel the energy around you at least.”  
   
 Victor’s first impulse was actually to close himself off further, but both Phichit and Yuuri were standing there, open and smiling at him. For the first time since he was a teen, he let himself _feel_. There was the love between Phichit and Yuuri, strong despite the rocks thrown their way that coiled around them, nestling into strong cables. He could feel his own love for Makka, stretching despite the distance. Then… there was almost a thread, calling others to it to slowly twine, stretching from both of them?  
   
 Tears came to Victor’s eyes and he felt his knees hit the floor and hands over his back, soft voices that murmured to him as he took in the world he denied himself for so long. Yuuri’s strand was thin, worn but strong. Phichit’s was a small tendril, slowly twining to become stronger. He could be loved. He could be _more_. He could be Victor Nikiforov, like he had been years ago.  
 “Victor do you want a hug?” Yuuri murmured.  
 “Or cuddles? We can do cuddles,” Phichit added.  
   
 The tears began to pour down Victor’s face. He could feel it now, how _long_ had it been there? Was Yuuri’s there the day they met? Is it possible that all this time he was worrying about ruining their relationship… when the feeling had been there all along?  
 “I think we should move to the bed,” Phichit declared.  
 Yuuri made a strangled sound. “Couch,” he countered. Victor figured he gave Phichit a look, but he wasn’t able to see through the water clamming up his eyes.  
   
 Somehow between the two of them he ended up sandwiched on the couch, basking in the feeling, in the… _fullness_ that he was feeling now. The edges of feeling that began to fade were back in full force.  
 “We’re here.” His head was coiled onto someone’s chest, their chin resting on his head.  
 “It’s okay.”  
 Victor wished he could get the tears to stop. Yuuri, he understood. Yuuri was a fan of his, so logically he could understand how that might evolve. He didn’t understand Phichit, how someone could possibly barely know him and have any type of connection like that. How could it be possible?  
 “Why?” Victor blubbered. He would be a mess tomorrow as well. God he hated crying. It felt like it had been forever since he actually cried.  
 “Doesn’t take much to get to me,” Phichit laughed. “You liked my plants, you tolerate the hamsters, you watched movies and debated with me.”  
 “Sounds about right,” Yuuri mumbled and yelped as Phichit karate-chopped his head.  
 Victor tried to wipe his tears away. Whoever was holding him drew him closer.  
 “You walked away from Yuuri. That… it’s hard.”  
 Victor was fairly certain that it was Phichit that was holding him now, as his hair was nuzzled.  
 “I mean. It was enough for me to know I wanted to try this. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to either of you first. It just… fell out?”  
 Yuuri sighed across from him. “I wish I could say that was new.”  
 A laugh bubbled out of Victor’s mouth.  
 “That was cute! Do it again!” Phichit squealed. Victor had no idea _why_ but the laugh just kept bubbling out, until all of them were on the couch laughing, his tears beginning to dry up on his cheeks.  
   
   
   
 “How… how do we want to try this?” The words fumbled out of Victor’s mouth.  
 “Oh! You… you want to?” Hesitance coloured Phichit’s words now. Victor tilted his head up and smiled. Phichit was quite cute when he blushed. While Victor wasn’t quite sure what he really felt for either of them right now, he wanted to know what it could become.  
 “We didn’t even have to put on a dance.” There was amusement in Yuuri’s eyes. He felt that there was some joke or reference that he had missed as the two giggled.  
 Heimg hummed a little as Phichit brushed through his hair. It felt nice. How long had it been since he was able to just sit and soak up affection like this? He had faked it recently, yes… but he couldn’t recall the last time he just sat down and enjoyed the company he was with, without any pretending.  
 “You can come visit us whenever you like for starters,” Yuuri was the first to break the comfortable silence.  
 “Phichit, can you…?”  
 Victor felt Phichit’s nod. “I’ll get another key made. Just don’t pull a Yuuri and make me think that the store’s being robbed.”  
 “Why would I do that?” Victor tilted his head slightly to look at Phichit.  
 Yuuri was the one to answer. “I… drank a lot? And banged into the counter. Phichit thought he forgot to lock the front door.”  
 “It was a good thing I came down!” Phichit protested. “How else would you have gotten up?”  
 Yuuri shrugged. “I would’ve slept behind the counter probably.”  
 Victor and Phichit both scolded him with a “Yuuri!”  
   
 There was a small smile on their faces now and Victor shifted a little to open his arms. Yuuri hesitated a moment before shifting to lay on Victor. This _was_ nice.  
 “You’re both heavy,” Phichit complained, even as his arms shifted to wrap around both of them.  
 “I… travel a lot,” Victor bit his lip. It wasn’t that he’d never tried long distance, it just never worked out.  
 Phichit snorted. “Well. It turns out we might be too.”  
 “We are?” Yuuri tilted his head up. Victor’s heart skipped at just how Yuuri’s eyelashes framed his eyes _perfectly_.  
   
 “Ciao Ciao’s submitted for a few international competitions for you. I have a few conferences to go to with Yuuko for supporting multispecial disciplines to broaden the magical horizons.”  
 “Oh,” Victor and Yuuri hummed.  
 “Do you think there’ll be much overlap?” Victor frowned.  
 “I don’t know. I imagine for a year or so we’ll just have a white board or something to have where everyone is when. There’s always Skype too.”  
 Victor’s heart almost melted from the smile that came across Phichit’s face.  
   
 “Yuuri and I try to have a movie and dinner night every Friday. We can try to do that.”  
 Victor’s eyes widened. That sounded _amazing_. “I suppose we could plan the meals ahead of time? That way we’re kind of eating the same thing?”  
 Yuuri laughed. “Victor, we wouldn’t be able to afford the types of meals you eat.”  
 Victor rolled his eyes. “Watch me order you food then.”  
 “Victor!”  
 Victor pouted. “What? Can’t I help take care of you both?”  
 “Not like that!” Yuuri protested.  
 Phichit however hummed, his eyes narrowed. “I’ll accept… on a caveat.”  
 Victor tilted his head slightly.  
 “We alternate who gets food every week— for _everyone_.”  
 Victor frowned. “But…”  
 Phichit touched a finger to his lips, silencing him. “If there isn’t the equivalent you can share your room service menu.”  
 Victor pouted, that didn’t seem entirely fair.  
 “You should bring Makkachin here,” Yuuri suddenly interjected, light in his eyes. “So you can come home to here, and at least she’ll be waiting for you.”  
   
 Victor’s heart clenched and he fought back tears. Crying once today was enough.  
 “I should also show you how to take care of the hamsters just in case,” Phichit mused.  
 “What about your plants?” Yuuri added, peering up at Phichit.  
 Phichit shrugged. “Easy enough now that I have that little rig set up so you can’t kill them.”  
 Victor settled in, content for now to bask in both of their warmth and their plans to fit him into everything. Perhaps… just maybe… all of it _would_ work out.  
   
 He was looking forward to Friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is a kinda epilogue, almost there!


	21. History Makers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue, the boys a year later.

 Yuuri was exhausted. He hated travel, and here he was running around half the world to try and win money. Not that they really needed it by this point he supposed. Even if it was just him and Phichit working right now, he was making enough money through teaching and his competitions that they could managed with just that. He just preferred to have their emergency relief and pet fund not get depleted.  
   
 Makkachin was starting to get old after all, concerningly so from what he understood of Victor’s interview. His heart leapt and he smiled. It would be the first time in months that they would all get to be together for more than a weekend. Victor was taking a year off, supposedly to re-evaluate his future career. However, he let it slip to one of the more private forums that he was getting concerned about Makkachin’s health.  
   
 In fact, Yuuri was fairly certain the last time they were all together was when Makka accidentally ate a steam bun. Yuuri frowned, trying to fill in all the empty time. It just might have been the last time he saw his boyfriends. They were certainly able to meet up two at a time since then. But all three? Yuuri was looking forward to getting home and just snuggling with both of his boyfriends in front of the tv.  
   
 He thought he was lucky when Phichit stayed with him, despite every protest and hesitation. With Victor too now… it felt like that underlying tension evaporated. There were still fights, and arguments (the last one being what movie marathon was the greatest waste of time. Yuuri would still argue Star Wars on the principle of the prequels), but everything seemed… normal. Yuuri closed his eyes as he stepped out of the airport, letting the wind hit him in the face.  
   
 “Yuuri!” Chris waved.  
 A small smile crossed Yuuri’s face as he strode over, luggage trailing behind him.  
 “How was the season?” He asked politely. He was a little happy to see Chris, but he couldn’t help but wonder where his boyfriends were.  
 Chris rolled his eyes as he popped the trunk. “Really Yuuri. Ask me what you want to ask.”  
 Yuuri flushed and glanced down. “Okay. Where are they?”  
 “They said they wanted to set something up for you and asked if I could pick you up instead. You guys still don’t have a car do you?”  
 Yuuri shook his head, a small smile flitting across. “No driveway first of all. We also didn’t want to bother with upkeep when we’re all travelling right now.”  
 “Did you ever consider moving? That place must be getting small now with Victor there.”  
 Yuuri hadn’t actually seen the house since Victor actually moved in. He had strings of text messages of complaints from Phichit about moving men damaging the stair walls ‘Just how big do they think it is? Measuring tapes exist for a reason! Yuuri! Stop laughing at me! It’s your house too!’  
 “I have no idea,” Yuuri admitted. “It’s been… crazy lately.”  
   
 Chris hummed. Yuuri swore that he was hiding something with that smile.  
 “I got to see them overseas for a while. Then I had to go down to Japan to help Yuuko test something…” Yuuri frowned. Actually, maybe she had been plotting something with them. It had been a ridiculously simple test, and Yuuko should have been able to just ship it to him.  
 “Chris…”  
 “I am sworn to silence,” Chris spoke quickly.  
 Yuuri huffed and plopped into the passenger seat. “Am I going to like it or want to throttle them?”  
 Chris made a little strangled sound. Yuuri sighed and started to think of what possible chaos he might encounter on his return. Given Chris’ reaction to the question, he was guessing that they both spent an obscene amount of money on something, or did something outrageously extravagant.  
 “Did you pick Victor up earlier?” he asked quietly.  
 Chris went quiet.  
 “Is he still mad at you?”  
 “Not as much,” Chris sighed. “I can’t blame him really though.”  
 Yuuri frowned. “It’s been almost a year.”  
 Chris gave Yuuri a look before putting the car in gear and pulling out. “It was quite a betrayal of his confidences Yuuri. He can be mad at me for however long he likes. I’m just happy that he’s fine and talking again. Even if it isn’t to me.”  
 “Chris…”  
 Chris shook his head. “No. I get it. If you want the full story, ask Victor. I understand why he’s still mad and it will probably take him a while to deal with it. Especially with such wonderful boyfriends.” Chris slid him a sly look and Yuuri felt his face get hot.  
   
 “I’m actually supposed to delay you for another half hour, but I’m guessing you’ll just work yourself into a panic if I do.”  
 “Maybe,” Yuuri admitted. He was tired, coming off of an international flight… if he was just sitting doing something it was entirely possible his anxiety would take the reins. He sighed and looked out the window. He’d only left home for a month, Victor only came back this morning. Surely, they couldn’t have come up with something too outrageous. Except that he knew they all had separate chats, even with their one ongoing group one. It was entirely possible that Phichit and Victor had planned this way in advance. He just hoped that his results weren’t dependent on what they were doing. Not that he did badly really, but he didn’t do as well as he wished.  
   
 “Unless you can think of a way I can get back at them that will delay me,” Yuuri mused. It might give his mind something else to fixate on.  
 Chris glanced at him then back to the road. “Honestly, the easiest thing I can think of is for you to show up early.”  
 Yuuri glanced back and raised an eyebrow. “They’re both home?”  
 Chris nodded. Yuuri pursed his lips. So the plan was at home then, he was less certain of what they might be possibly planning now.  
   
 It made even less sense when Chris dropped him off and Victor was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, the beginnings of a pout developing.  
 “Victor?”  
 Victor’s head shot up and his eyes went wide.  
   
 The next thing that Yuuri knew his back was on the floor and a very affectionate Russian was nuzzling his chin. It was a good thing that he used a cloth duffel this time instead of his rolling bag or he expected he would have been out of the count for a week or so.  
 “Victor,” Yuuri whined. Victor only held him closer but stilled slightly as he breathed deeply. A small smile twitched at Yuuri’s lips and he ran his fingers through Victor’s hair. He let out a quiet mewl as Victor started to pepper small kisses under his jaw.  
   
 “Is that Yuuri?” Phichit thundered down the stairs and almost tripped over them. “Oh. Why are you on the floor? Actually, why are you early? Chris promised!”  
 Yuuri smiled sheepishly up at Phichit. “I bullied him into it a little.”  
 “Forgiven,” Victor mumbled.  
 “Sorry, he’s been playing tester for me for the last week. This last batch was a bit much.”  
 Yuuri sat up, dragging Victor with him. “You finished it?”  
 Phichit shrugged a small smile playing about his lips. “No, like I said I need to get the strength of it right. And then there’s how to apply it. I mean, daily doses or a time delay? Right now Victor’s been on daily doses since I was out most of the last few weeks and I said to take one if he was feeling particularly down.”  
 “Oh.” Yuuri glanced down at Victor.  
 “Was curious, knew you were coming home.” Victor murmured. There was a familiar brightness to his eyes. “I thought it would be a good coming home present. Well. When I’m not…”  
 “Too much,” Phichit finished. “Well, a bit much for me today anyhow.”  
   
 A flush covered Yuuri’s face and he covered it.  
 “Yuuuri! Don’t hide!” Victor whined.  
 Phichit grinned at them both. “Yeah! Don’t hide from us! Especially not when you’re early!”  
 “Happy to have your normal tester back?” Yuuri joked.  
 Phichit paused, a sly smile crossing over his face. “Nah, I’m just happy my boyfriends are home.” The prettiest blush dusted Victor’s cheeks as his smile grew wider and he brought them both into a hug.  
 “The best boyfriends,” Victor sighed. “Oh! Phichit! Yuuri’s surprise!!”  
 Yuuri glanced over at Phichit who just laughed a little.  
 “Victor, lets wait for you to come down a little? Yuuri’s still early too. He can wait for his surprise, which we would have been ready for if he came on time.”  
 Yuuri pouted, he didn’t see what deal was that he came home early, enough that Chris was the one to pick him up from the airport instead of his boyfriends. “Really? Why not?”  
 “Because I think Victor will like being fully cognisant for it,” Phichit smiled. Yuuri met his eyes and his heart melted all over again.  
   
 “Well. Can we go upstairs at least?” Yuuri glanced at his bag then at Phichit. “Or is there a reason for me to stay down here?”  
 Victor was the one that looked at the ceiling before beaming his love out to the world.  
 “Nope! Up we go!” Victor suddenly pouting, his eyes slightly watery. Yuuri felt his heart skip a beat as Victor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s neck. “Carry me?”  
 Yuuri couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face, or the small blush. It would be fair, Phichit and Victor both had to carry him a few too many times up those stairs.  
   
 It took a little work to get his arms in the right spots, and going up the staircase without banging Victor into the walls wouldn’t be too hard given how closely he was clinging. Yuuri didn’t even mind the pictures that Phichit was taking. Actually, he should ask for one as his desktop background.  
 “So strong~” Yuuri’s skin quivered under Victor’s warm breath and he let out a quiet sigh as he headed to the bedroom. He barely paused when he saw the camera setup, choosing to go and drop Victor on the bed.  
 Victor just gave him a coy smile. “What will you do with me now~?”  
 Yuuri could hear Phichit’s laughter even as he took photos.  
 “Really?” Yuuri raised an eyebrow at him.  
 “What? I can film sex vids for you two but not take pictures of you being cute?”  
 Yuuri had no idea what he garbled out as his face went flaming red, to both of his boyfriends’ amusement.  
 “Don’t worry Yuuri, they gave us plenty of company.”  
   
 If a brain could short-circuit, Yuuri was certain his just did. He wanted to make some form of protest, mostly why didn’t you call, but the bubbly feeling in his chest was more joy.  
 “It was a surprise, I think Phichit jumped me the moment I walked in,” Victor laughed.  
 Yuuri tried to wrangle his blush under control. “Sorry, I didn’t think to warn you.”  
 Victor shrugged and his smile was less energetic, but just as warm. “It would have been perfect if you were there.”  
 “I think you turned off your cell,” Phichit added. “I did try earlier in the day.”  
   
 Oh. Oh, Yuuri remembered that day very well. They both had to talk him down from an anxiety attack.  
 “How soon after did…”  
 “Not too long.” Phichit put down his phone and shrugged. “It didn’t matter.”  
 “Phichit!”  
 “It didn’t,” Victor reaffirmed. “We both scrambled for the phone.”  
 Yuuri bit his lip, he still felt bad for interrupting.  
 “But Yuuri,” Victor purred. Yuuri’s heartbeat went up several fold. That was Victor’s bedroom smile why was Victor giving him the bedroom smile? “Tell me something…”  
 Yuuri could feel Phichit rolling his eyes, even as his own were locked to Victor’s.  
 Victor leaned closer, resting his head on Yuuri’s shoulder. “How… how would you feel about… going public?”  
   
 Yuuri’s heart entered his throat. Was Victor suggesting what he thought he was? He glanced over to Phichit, phone now away in his pocket.  
 “The next issue they want Victor for is History,” Phichit murmured. “They asked Victor if he’d be willing to do an interview about his life and career.”  
 “I don’t want to hide you both anymore,” Victor sighed. “But I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.”  
 “Do you think that there’ll be backlash?” Yuuri couldn’t stop the quiver in his voice. He was nowhere near as accomplished as his boyfriends. What if everyone just saw him as a tagalong? An extra, someone that didn’t deserve either of his boyfriends.  
 “Yuuri, Yuuri…” Phichit sat next to them, drawing both into his arms. “You’ve done more than you think.”  
   
 Yuuri laughed. “I dance at competitions, I’m bad at it.”  
 Victor snorted. “You’re anything but bad. Haven’t you noticed how often you draw their eyes? I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some tweaking to the scoring in the future.”  
 “Stop,” Yuuri mumbled. He was an okay dancer, he was almost as good as that stupid viral video showed him to be now. But, it didn’t mean he was award material. If it wasn’t for teaching at the studio, he would have felt worse living with Phichit. As it was, he was barely managing his half of the bills. He was just a leech, a nobody that two amazing people decided to latch onto.  
 “Yuuko credited you on her paper.” Phichit broke the silence. “It was finally published.”  
 Yuuri shrugged, that didn’t matter. He barely helped and Yuuko would mention him out of the goodness of her heart.  
 “Yuuri, no. You weren’t mentioned. She put you down as a coauthor.”  
 Yuuri’s eyes went wide and he tilted his head to look at Phichit. “What?”  
 “It’s your writing too,” Phichit admitted. “There’s a full section of it that just screams you. I know it because I helped you edit papers, remember? It was part of one of your opinion pieces about magic and interactivity with the body.”  
   
 Yuuri remembered the paper, he had thought of Yuuko when he was writing it.  
 “All history makers here,” Victor smiled. “It’s… a bad surprise I guess but… I wanted to share it with you?” Victor ran a hand through Yuuri’s hair, flattening it slightly to display his horns.  
 “I also wanted to share the amazing people I’m sharing my life with,” Victor admitted. “But it’s your choice.”  
   
 Yuuri took a deep breath in and looked up at Victor. “So, what would be involved in this?”  
 “A picture of us, I want to display the best of you and an interview later that will be written up.”  
 Yuuri thought about it, thought about everything. They were a cross-species relationship, each in their own way breaking the mold. Victor, the incubus that displayed himself proudly while hiding that which was dearest to him. Phichit, striving to improve the world and making more than several advancements in the interaction between runes and potions. Yuuri… Yuuri blinked his eyes and actually assessed himself. He was an okay dancer, but one of the few to mix different styles together consistently. His classes were usually relatively full and the studio continued to sponsor him going to competitions. He could assess the strengths and weaknesses of a variety of magic— not common among testers. He helped Yuuko formulate a ritual for Takeshi, he helped them have children. He thought for a moment, what Yuuko and Minako would tell him to do, and this time he let himself listen.  
   
 “Okay,” Yuuri smiled and hugged both of his boyfriends tightly. “Let’s do this. Let’s make history.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the chapter that feels the most rushed to me? (because it is). But! There will be another side story later that is three-some smut (which you can thank Izzy for).
> 
> Once again a thank you to omtivi for the gorgeous pieces of art (I want that makka pillow now gdi) and Izzy dealing with my poking her and some of my insecurities about this fic.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and we’ll see you next level!


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